Day 26: My Week in Great Detail August 26, 2010

Thursday Last: Dicked around on Facebook for entirely too long. Did nothing of value. Stewed over work BS. Pondered over my talent. Got laid. Ate pizza. Laughed in bed. Stole G’s soda, felt bad and refilled it. Wrote a blog post about being a good wife, while stealing hub’s soda.

Friday: Dicked around on Facebook, a lot. Rearranged my farm in Farmville. Rearranged my frontier in Frontierville. Pissed and moaned about being bored. Wrote three, count ‘em three blog posts. Went out to dinner with G. Felt sick, came home went to bed.

Saturday: Attended my shower at Mother’s. Saw my Mamaw for the first time in AGES. Got tons of awesome gifts. Ate too much. Went to restaurant and ate too much again!

Sunday: G took Big C fishing, so I sorted through the shower gifts and separated the clothes by size and messed up Baby G’s clean room.

Monday: Laid in bed and pissed and moaned about being bored. I am the suck. Cooked dinner. Watched shitty man shows on History channel. Plotted to remove Rick Harrison’s ability to laugh. Pictured Rick Harrison in a variety of wigs, decided he still looks like this guy:

Tuesday: Has already been given in great detail… To sum up: went to dr, found out my cervix is a whore, had sewage fill 1/4 of my basement, called plumber, plumber was awesome, spoke with lady who cleans up shitty basements, decided she was too expensive, cooked dinner, did NOT get laid and am still whining about it, used breast pump to stimulate oxytocin production, spoke with mother then stuck EPO pills up my cooch

Wednesday: Got up early after long night of tossing and turning, made breakfast for G, laid back down, slept ’til noon, called shitty phone company, paid bills, wrote very long blog post, dicked around on Facebook, wrapped gifts for my sister, made a diaper cake for my sister, ate beanies and weenies for dinner because I’m six on the inside, felt bad for G doing all the work in the basement while I feasted on beanies and weenies.

Today: So far… Dealt with phone guy, cleaned up living room from diaper cake making, wrote this blog post, ate PB&J yum!, rediscovered how much I love 90′s punk especially Blink-182 and Sum 41.

An End is In Sight August 25, 2010

K, I’m  cheater and I’ve decided that even though this is about yesterday… it’s still “my day in great detail” so welcome to both an update AND day 25 of the 30 day blog journal.

So, I had a big day yesterday. I had an appointment with DW, then I got to come home and deal with plumbers, then I got to talk to a restoration company, then I made dinner (got shot down for sex anyway) and then I had to stick a bunch of pills up my cooter. Guess which part was the most fun?!?!?!

The hell? you ask.

Well, let’s start at the beginning. I woke up and took a shower, because you know, when doctors are going to be in your bits, the bits should be clean. While I was in the shower, G went to the basement. Probably to rub it in my face that he’s allowed up and down stairs and I’m not. But, he found a surprise down there… Standing water! Coming back up though the drain hole in the floor, and the old potty that doesn’t work in the corner. Gross!!! Because as we know water coming from those two places isn’t JUST water, it’s dunh, dunh, dunh… sewage. Eww! OK, I didn’t know that, but G kindly explained it to me.

So, he comes back upstairs and tells me not to freak and get my pressure all jacked up, but I need to not ask to be induced, because I need to come home and call plumbers and shit. To which I say, “fuck that, yo’ mama can let in the plumber, shiiit.” ‘Cause I am ghetto fab at 8am. So he’s all, “O-Kay, but I don’t think you fully grasp the situation down there.” But, we had no more time to argue. He had to go to work and I had to go the doctors office.

And, I did. But first, I needed an NST. Apparently, mah baybee knows how to hide his heart in my fat very effectively, because the poor nurse had to hold the doppler the whole time. Unfortunately, she rendered the contraction monitor useless, but I didn’t bitch about it, because he was being very assy and moving on her a lot. It took an hour to get 20 minutes of him on the monitor. It took 10 minutes to get 10 kicks. I tried explaining that 9:30am was playtime, and we’d be better off to do the AFI first, but I am only dumb patient, so I was overruled. After the NST I went over the u/s room for an AFI and his fluid was up to 10 from 8.5. So hunky dorrey there. Also of note, my BP was 113/89.

I was devastated. There was no way with yummy squirmy baby, and improved fluids and damn near normal BP readings that DW was going to induce me now. Motha Flipaship!

But… I headed up the musty old elevators anyway. I called G and told him the news and he was thrilled because “major plumbing emergency” blah, blah, blah… Then I peed in a cup, because that’s what I do at DW’s office. Then a nurse told me I looked like shit. Well, she actually might have said “Oh honey, you look tired” but I heard “Gee whiz, bitch, what’d you do? Sleep in a dumpster?” Then she dipped my pee and took my BP.Which was… 149/103. The fuck? She asked how I was feeling and I told her I was losing my mind in the bed and I was losing my identity and the days were running together, turns out she just wanted to know about headaches and blurred vision. So, I gave her the short story: yes and no.

Then DW came in, looked at my chart and said “let’s have a baby, get nekkid” and I was “oooh, finally somebody wants to do me” but he just wanted to check mt cervix. At this point I feel I should note: I was going to have a baby yesterday if only that bitch cervix would play ball. Obviously the fact that I’m writing that instead of, “look, shiny new baby” means that my cervix is a sell out whore. I don’t know how much G paid her to double cross me, but I’m going to make her pay…

Anyhoo, DW checked the cervix and while I was “a tad” dilated, she was long and firm. Which is kick ass awesome from weeks like 4-34. But she should now be ripening on her own. I think this assumption is based on ladies that are getting a steady supply of prostaglandins, this lady is not. So DW starts thinking out loud (still wrist deep in my snatch, BTW) about our options. I swear he was tickling the baby’s head, whatever he was doing, it hurt. He was saying things like “we need to find a good reason to deliver, but the cervix just isn’t favorable, but the BP is all over the map, but we don’t want to end up doing a c-section.” He then pulled his hand out of my cooch and recommended that I come back on Friday and do another NST and he’d check my cervix again. He also told me to try some techniques to help ripen my cervix, specifically Evening Primrose oil taken orally and poon-erly. As I can’t exactly put the cervix in a paper bag on the counter, like a pear (yes, I envision my cervix as a rock hard pear), I had to come home and google additional ways to ripen it.

I did stop and get the EPO and some new lip balm. Unfortunately, lip balm had lanolin in it and yeah, now my lips itch and the skin is peeling off! Fucking lanolin!

Then I came home and had to call the plumber. The plumber got there in like 40 minutes! Hooray. And he was nice! And he fixed my slow running tub, and, you know, the problem causing the sewage in the basement for only like $300. The plumber kicked ass. Apparently, we had tree roots in the main drain. I don’t know how that’s possible, but, ’tis what he said. He cleaned up his mess and called a lady who specializes in this kind of clean up for me. Again, hooray plumber!

Then I had to call G with an update. He was not so pleased with having a cleanup specialist come by. So, he came up with a Plan B and Plan C and stressed my shit out calling me every few minutes to talk about it. Grrr… Yeah, I did not want to deal with it anymore for another hour until the lady came. Turns out the situation down there was not as bad as I was envisioning and but the restoration chick wants $1,700 up front, and requires a bunch of work after the fact to replace the carpet. So, now, G is going to do the cleanup himself. But, the restoration lady stayed a long time and put on a strong sales pitch.

Then I made dinner when she left. It was OK. G really liked it. So, I mentioned that I did some research on cervix ripening and I need to bathe the cervix in prostaglandins and he happened to have a very good source of prostaglandins and oxytocin. He decided to go shopping instead. Ouch! Shot down.

So, I got out the breast pump for a Plan B. Because you know breast pump, sex, same diff, right?

Then my Mom called to talk about my sisters shower. So I told her how I’d have the cake, diaper cake and my presents etc… delivered Thursday night or Friday morning. Apparently she also is unaware that PIH/Pre-eclampsia are not just for fat people. I had to remind her that what I have used to be called toxemia and she had it with me and she was not this fat, so this is not a direct result of my being too fat to have a baby.

Then G came back from shopping and I proposed getting fresh again… but unfortunately he was not game. Apparently my pregnant ass grosses him out and he’s not interested in actual sex with me. Whatever… I have more to say, but won’t because I’m just ragging because my feelings are hurt.

Deciding that I still needed to get some prostaglandins on my cervix I stuck three Evening Primrose Oil pills up my pillbox and went to bed.

Where I Live August 24, 2010

I’m thinking posting my address my be a bad thing on this one… Sooo, let me show me show you my home:

Here is the backyard as seen from the patio (yes, that is a six year old shooting a gun… at a target in a wooded area… he’s supervised…)

My wicked messy dining room… Why yes that is Little C’s car seat in the floor. Or as Emma refers to it “Emma’s new bed.” Do you see the giant bottle of tequila on the table? It was a shower gift. I nearly cried. It is obscene how much I love tequila.

I redid the kitchen and dining rooms myself about five years ago. I laid the floor, refinished the cabinets and removed the paneling and painted. I’m still rather impressed with myself when I look at the cabinets.

Here is the Baby G’s crib, which is in his room that is a mess. I have totes full of clothes EVERYWHERE.

But the books and some toys are on a bookshelf. The bassinet will move around (hence the wheels) once he’s here.

My TINY ass bathroom. Seriously, have you ever seen such a small bathroom? or such a cool vinyl shower curtain? I didn’t think so!

My living room, aka rest hq. Please note the haphazard stacking of shit on the bookshelf and also the cup on the floor. I am loving the curtains, though.

Things we have learned about me:

• My bedroom is too messy to post a picture of, and I am too tired to make my bed.
• I am on a big blue and brown kick, as evidenced by the bathroom and living room.
• My baby’s room still does not have curtains. Mother… the Baby G needs curtains…

Day 23: A Youtube Video August 23, 2010

I only utilize YouTube for free old movies (watched the Twilight Zone on there just last night) or to listen to music/watch videos as there does not appear to be a TV channel for that anymore…

The boys (meaning C’s and G) are addicted to YouTube, though. They think of all kinds of stuff to look up. They watch animal attacks and Bear Grylls clips and Spiderman fighting “insert super hero here” and monkey bites baby and baby bites monkey. Seriously, they watch all kinds of stuff on the YouTube. Uncle G loves to play YouTube DJ and the boys love to lay in the bed and watch whatever he comes up with. Lately I’ve been hearing a whole lot of these two coming from the YouTube:

and

They are also big fans of a monkey that pees in its own mouth and a shark attack one that I can’t find.

A Website August 22, 2010

I have no f’ing clue on this one. Is this like a website we visit often, one we just think is really cool? IDK…

Let’s go with my friend and constant companion, Facebook.

Without Facebook I would not be in such close contact with a large chunk of my family. I would not be back in contact with many friends from school. I cannot even begin to tell you how incomplete my life would be without Farmville and Frontierville. What did I do before Zynga and Facebook games?

But, yes, I am a Facebooker. I usually have a relevant current status, I keep in touch with people and I entertain myself cyber stalking people I don’t like on there.

My Famous Cake August 21, 2010

Day 21: A Recipe

I make cakes. I used to make cakes for money, like a job. Then my real job became too overwhelming and I didn’t have time anymore and I stopped. Then a bunch of TV shows about making cakes hit the airwaves and I was all “Awww, I missed my wave.”

But, I digress. My post today is about a recipe. In my case it is a cake recipe. A delicious, wonderful yummy cake recipe. This is a special occasion cake. It’s fancy and refined and yumm-o.

It is called Black and White cake, which sounds really plain, but trust me it’s so not. For starters the Black cake is a chocolate cheesecake and the White cake is a very delicate white sponge cake. The icing is a cocoa whipped cream and the only garnish I use are chocolate dipped walnuts. Remember when I said yumm-o?

Black Cake:

16 oz Cream Cheese

3/4 cup Sugar

2 Eggs

2 tsp Vanilla

3 oz Semisweet Chocolate (melted & cooled)

1 cup Sour Cream

White Cake:

2 cups Cake Flour (or sifted all purpose)

1 Tbs Baking Powder

1/2 tsp Salt

1 cup Sugar (separated, hold back 1/4 cup)

1/3 cup Vegetable Oil (I use coconut oil melted if I have it, otherwise I use canola)

3 Eggs separated (at room temp, the whites will not whip properly if they’re cold)

2/3 cup Water

1 Tbs Vanilla

1/2 tsp Cream of Tartar

Cocoa Whipped Cream:

1 pint Heavy Whipping Cream

1/4 cup Confectioners Sugar

2 Tbs Cocoa Powder

1 tsp Vanilla

Chocolate Dipped Walnuts:

1oz Semi-sweet chocolate melted

Walnut halves (16 or 20)

Prepare the pans!

1. Preheat oven to 325  degrees Farenheit. Prepare 9-inch springform and 2 9-inch baking pans (butter bottoms and sides, fit with parchment round, butter the parchment, too).

Prepare the Black Cake:

1. Beat cream cheese in stand-up mixer on medium until smooth and fluffy. Scrape down the sides as you go. Gradually beat in the sugar, then eggs (one at a time). Turn the mixer down to low and fold in the vanilla, chocolate and sour cream until well blended.

2. Pour the mixture into the springform pan and bake for 35 to 40 minutes (until the center seems almost set when jiggled). Let cool completely on wire rack, remove the sides of the springform and let chill for 4 hours.

Prepare the White cake:

1. Sift together dry ingredients, flour through 3/4 cup sugar, in a large mixing bowl. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients.

2. In a separate bowl mix together the wet ingredients (egg yolks, oil, water and vanilla). Pour into the well in the dry bowl. Use a wire wisk to combine the wet and dry.

3. In standup mixer, on high with wisk attached, beat the egg whites and cream of tartar until frothy. Beat in the remaining 1/4 cup sugar until stiff peaks form. Fold egg mixture into batter very gently.

4. Divide mixture between two prepared cake pans. Bake for 35 minutes, or until center springs back when lightly touched. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes, turn out onto rack and let cool completely on the rack.

Prepare the Walnuts!

1. Melt chocolate

2. Dip walnuts

Ahh, the Cocoa Whipped Cream

1. Put the standup mixer bowl and paddle in the freezer while everybody else is chilling/cooling off. (Trust me, you will get much better whipped cream this way.) For that matter, let the whipping cream hang out up there for an hour too.

2. In standup on medium speed beat all of the ingredients together until stiff peaks form. I add the cream, start the mixer then slowly add the rest in order.

Assemble the Yum

1. Place a white layer on server platter/cake round. Spread top with 1/3 c whipped cream.

2. Invert the black layer on top of the prepare white layer. Spread with 1/3 c whipped cream.

3. Place final white layer on top.

4. Spoon 1.5-2 c whipped cream into a decorating bag fitted with a large star tip. Spread the rest of the whipped cream around the top and sides of the prepared layers. I usually go for a fluffy look rather than a real icing smooth look.

5. Pipe on a border and some poofs on top. I usually go with a fat rosette bottom border and 8 fat rosettes on top.

6. Place walnuts wherever you think they look best. I usually go with one on each rosette on top and a few in the bottom border. Sometimes I crush a few plain walnuts and sprinkle the dust around for garnish. Sometimes I mix it up with covered and plain walnuts. All depends on the mood.

Refrigerate this cake! But for real. It’s full of dairy. Lots and lots and lots of dairy.

Before you put it in the fridge though… eat a huge slice. Enjoy with milk, or if you’re like me and you enjoy the booze… with red wine or a Kahlua and cream or pretty much anything because this is a delicious cake.

One day when I’m allow to cook again, I shall make this cake and take pictures for you to see its beauty. Assuming I don’t get drunk on red wine before it’s done and I forget… I do usually get drunk on red wine whilst making this cake.

How far along? 36w0d

Maternity clothes? At home, have double the wardrobe!

Body Oddities? Morning sickness comes back, yay

Sleep? I can sleep again!!!

Best moment this week? Laying in bed with G, him feeling the baby and feeling just content.

Worst moment? When DW said “let’s go down to L&D to decide if we need to induce tonight or we can wait until next week.

Movement? Picked back up!

Food cravings? I don’t like food anymore.

Rings? With the new hand/face edema being constant, the ring is off

Intense Dreams? I have to pee too often to dream anymore

Medical Concerns? High BP/potential preclampsia

What I miss? IDK lots of things. My appetite, the freedom to walk to the basement, feeling rested upon waking…

What I look forward to: This time next week

Emotional State? Stressed out and scared. Work is stressing me, and I feel like I have a million things left to do, but I can’t think of any.

A Hobby of Mine August 20, 2010

Day 20 of the 30 day blog journal! We might actually finish this thing afterall!

I don’t suppose blogging counts? No? Too bad

But for real, I have lots of little hobbies. Not things that I stick to hardcore, but things that I pick up from time to time. Sometimes it’s crochet, other times it’s genealogy research, sometimes I get big into candy making. These are all things that come and go in phases, though. They often come back, but aren’t really a constant.

The only constant hobbies that I have are reading and writing. I read every day. Every single day I read something because I’m interested. Sometimes it’s fiction, sometimes not, but everyday for at least 30 minutes I read. Also, I write everyday. Most days it’s blogging, some days it’s blogging and fiction and on rare days it’s all fiction. I need to get more into the fiction (aka writing that could potentially earn money).

Yeah, not very interesting. I suppose baking could also count as a hobby. I do bake quite a bit and like to make up my own recipes. But, more on that tomorrow!

A Talent of Mine August 19, 2010

Day 19, still going…

At one point I’d have named something creative as a talent of mine, perhaps playing the cello, or decorating cakes. But, I am most out of practice in both of these pursuits. There was a time I’d have said something work related, like gathering project requirements or formulating complex SQL statements. While I am good at those things, I’m not sure they qualify as a talent, and I’m setting them aside for this new adventure. I hope one day I can say being a mother, as that is something I hope to have a great talent for.

Right now, though… Right now, I’m feeling quite in limbo. Stuck between lives with no ambition or talent to speak of. At least, that’s how I felt all day. I have been pondering this post all day, because I really couldn’t think of “my talent.”

Then G came home. We snuggled and talked and had a good time. Then we started talking about our bodies and health. G made a joke about how if I continued to lose weight while nursing I was going to need a tummy tuck. So, I made a joke about needing to use chip clips to hold back my loose skin, or else Baby G was destined to be an only child. G cracked up. He laughed and laughed and talked about how I should write a stand up routine because I really was that funny. He called me a cross between Rosanne and Katt Williams.

I don’t know if I’m really that funny, or if he was just being overly complimentary because “had a good time” was a euphemism for “had really good sex” and it had been a while since the man had a proper bj. But… I can make my husband laugh, and feel good. So, we’ll go with being a good wife is my talent, and I might also be funny from time to time.

P.S.

As I write this, I’ve just drained the last of the soda from his cup and placed it back as if it were full… maybe I spoke too soon about being a good wife!

P.P.S.

I felt bad about stealing his soda, so I refilled it and put his phone on the charger.

My Wedding August 18, 2010

Day 18: My Wedding

I have written on this before, in a wedding themed meme. But, it’s a good story (so thinks, me), so I’ll repeat it.

I have been married twice. I have never been divorced. I have only had one husband. Confused?

G and I decided to get married shortly after I graduated from high school. So, we worked with my parents to arrange a modest wedding. My definition of modest, and my mother’s were completely different. I wanted a church, she wanted to do everything in her house. At the time she and my dad were still married and involved with a home church and didn’t drink. So, of course, a wedding at home meant no alcohol. Which was fine for me, I was only 18, but, it’s a party and at a party you like to serve a little refreshments. Then, G’s mother had to have her say in the affair. Then my mother and G’s mother began to fight over things that were completely irrelevant, because I didn’t like either side. So, I called off the wedding. I told them both that I would have a wedding when I could afford to finance and arrange it for myself because all of their bullshit was sucking the joy from MY DAY.

So, we waited. Then we moved in together. Then we waited some more.

Then, one day we decided that we’d waited long enough and we wanted to married and fuck the family that wanted to steal our joy! So, we called in sick for work, went downtown and got a marriage license. We were unaware of the waiting period between license and actual marriage, but we were young and in love and persistent! We found a justice of the peace who agreed to perform the ceremony but not file the license until the waiting period was up. Hooray!

The next day we got into one of the biggest fights of our relationship and I moved out of the apartment. Then that Monday I called the JoP and asked him not to file the license. He replied “oops.” Apparently we had seemed so sure that he went ahead and filed it early. Also, it appeared that no one questioned it. But, he said that he would get it back. That week our marriage and divorce announcement were run in the paper on the same day! Technically the marriage was “unfiled.”

Then G went to missionary school. When he came back he was racked with guilt regarding our living in sin situation. I was not over the whole dueling mothers wedding conundrum. So, we tried the whole license + JoP song and dance again. This time we scheduled them apart from each other. Also, this time it stuck. We’ve been married ever since.

OK, so the actual story of our wedding is boring, but the lead up is fairly interesting. Or not? Who knows.

Just under the wire August 17, 2010

Day 17: A piece of art

I am an art lover. So, this one was difficult at first. But, when I really started thinking about it all of my favorite pieces were glass. Of course, no one does glass like Chihuly. Then I thought of “The Pool.” I would LOVE a pool like this. I believe it is actually in Chihuly’s boathouse.