Feeling a Little Better & a Little Worse March 31, 2012

Better:

Being spring break and all, I finally bit the dust and conquered three rooms of my house. The kitchen, living room and bathroom are CLEAN, yo! My mom came on Thursday and pulled out the appliances and whatnot in the kitchen and got it really clean, even in the “invisible” spaces. Then she helped me flip over my heavy arse living room furniture, so we could clean under there, too. I found ALL the missing toys. Poor Bert’s been under there since Thanksgiving! So, I feel so much better about the house. It no longer feels like this:

 

Also, I did go food shopping and bought the stuff to make five of the Pinterest meals I was salivating over the most. So far one was awful and two were great. When these meals are gone, I’m going to start my juice fast. The hubs is in complete agreement on this plan. So, next week I’ll be back on the juice wagon.

 

I think I mentioned that I stopped the Arava. Which was the breeding un-friendly drug. We have decided to still spend a couple of months actively preventing, then we’ll re-address. Or, as I like to phrase it, we should have listened to Mrs. Gamgee in the first darn place!

 

Worse:

Holy sickballs, Batman! I freaking hate being sick. I have been sick less than normal, though, what with not interacting with the public on the daily anymore and actually building some kind of immune system with my juicer. But, this latest bug got me and Baby G square in the ears, nose and throat. He was really bad for a couple of days (wouldn’t eat of drink, getting on the verge of needing IV fluids), but thankfully forcing water and medicine down his throat seemed to have worked, because he’s drinking today and less cranky pants. He’s napping now, and has been down 2 hours, which is twice as long as he napped yesterday, so fingers crossed he’s on the mend. Because I am not. I feel asstastic! Gonna take a nap myself I think when the hubs gets home.

 

The brokeness is wearing thin. I miss having disposable income. Less than 2 years until the big credit card is paid off, though, then we will have money again. Hanging in there…

Out of Control March 26, 2012

Right now, my life feels out of control. As in I have no idea where to start to get back on track. Or even where the track is. I’ve been drifting. Treading water. Lately, I’m just drowning… So, I need to get some goals in line and get my lazy ass in gear!

 

•  House: My house is a mess. MESS. Embarrassingly messy. This is not me. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to clean. But, I’ve always had one of those houses where a quick trip through to pick up the out of place stuff was all that was needed to prep for company. Then I had a baby. And that baby came with stuff. A giant truck load of stuff. And it ate my house. And it overwhelmed me. Now my kitchen floor needs mopped, my toilet is gross and the laundry monster is threatening to suffocate me in my sleep. Unacceptable. So, what am I gonna do about it? Well, it is spring break… I suppose I need to clean this shit up. Then get myself a little plan together for keeping on top of it.
• Food: I haven’t been food shopping in two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, we still have food left from the last trip. I could probably feed my family for another week or two without going to the store. Not wholesome or nutritious meals, but meals… Yeah, I need to make a shopping list and get my arse to the store.
• Health: Pinterest be damned, I have to do a juice fast. At the end of my 10 day-er last summer I had lost a bunch of weight and my RA was starting to feel better. It was working. I need to get back on it. Give it a couple of months. Holy hell, if I could lose 50 pounds (200′s I could be in the 200′s!!!) and get my RA better in control my energy would SKY ROCKET. I need energy. I know juice fasting brings me energy. My hang up here is just how much I enjoy yummy tasting food, and the comfort of a nice warm, filling meal. But, I need to put that on the back burner. Temporary pleasure is so much less important than improving my quality of life right now. Those temporary pleasures will ultimately decrease my QOL, a juice fast will improve it. I’m gonna do it. I am!
• Marriage: Yeah, so RPL and crazy families and conflicting parenting styles… not so good for the marriage. We haven’t had sex since we found out that Nora was miscarrying. That’s been like 5 or 6 weeks now. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I was going to say it’s the last thing I want to do right now, but then I realized I probably would rather have sex than properly clean my house… Still this is one of the longest stretches we’ve ever gone and typically for us, no sex is not a good sign. We fight almost every night. He’s driving me crazy. Between saying just stupid shit about current events that don’t even affect us, to totally killing me on the discipline front to making shitty-ass little comments he is driving me bonkers. I don’t know how to turn things around. I don’t have an action plan for this one. Maybe fixing the other things will help it?
• My Appearance: The longer I’ve been out of the work force the rattier my clothing has gotten. My mom infused my wardrobe with some of her clothes she doesn’t wear, but… it’s still not quite a wardrobe anymore. I spend most of my days in pajamas, my shirts have stains on them and nothing fits right or matches. On top of all that, I need a haircut, my nails are a mess and my eyebrows look like Huxley’s. Good grief, why would he even want to have sex with me? Anyway, we don’t really have the cash to invest in how I look, and it’s been low priority to me (obviously), but I’m starting to think maybe it I spruced me up a little I might be able to kick this depression faster?
• Homeschooling: This isn’t so much school as just doing activities with the littles. I started wanting to do something to enrich their little brains everyday, or at least a couple times a week. But, I don’t. I need to get with it, though. Even though the TV is valuable for a small bit during the day, I’m finding the more out of control I feel, the more TV we’re watching. Less TV more activities!!!
• Business: Actually have a plan here! Am going to focus more on patterns. This will hopefully result in more cash… Have 6 more hats to ship, then will be caught up.
• Writing: I have so many ideas!!! Must make myself write everyday.

OK, I think I feel better. At least have the start of a start of a proper to-do list.

Updates & Whatnot March 15, 2012

So, I promised you an update on the situation La Diabla. Plus, you know, there’s other stuff going on, too. The world did not stop moving just because my body killed another innocent baby. Weird how that happens.

 

- La Diabla: So, G took Baby G over to Aunt C’s a couple of times on Sunday morning when I was in the throws of 1st trimestery zombieland. His Aunt C called La Diabla so she could come see the baby, too. Grr… Now, we have long agreed that she will not dictate how we live our lives. For instance, if we are out in public and she turns up, we will go on about our business. But, to me, this is a little different. I feel he should have left. Not because I wanted him to (although the thought of that troll touching my baby makes me want to hurl), but because he told her that he wasn’t interested in seeing her and that he didn’t want her around his son. If you’re going to say things like that, you need to back them up. But, that’s his business. He made it sound like he was unhappy that she turned up and blah, blah, blah, then… did the same bloody thing the following weekend. He’s not being honest with someone, and I think it’s himself. So, I cannot tolerate this whole pretending that nothings happened nonsense, nor do I want that unrepentant bitch anywhere near my child. In other times I might have played it cool, but now that Baby G is involved I actually stood up for my family and told G that she is NOT to be around my son. Period. If she desires a relationship with any member of this family (other than G, I have no right to but in there) then she will agree to family counseling. No counseling, no relationship. She’ll never do it. But, I figure if she does, we all benefit. If she doesn’t, I am able to say I remained willing to make things work, but that she was the uncooperative one. I’m not normally one for games (and I do think that is kind of a game, because I know she won’t ever agree to family counseling), but desperate times…

 

- Once again, I am so pissed that things have worked out this way. Because even though I don’t really like my MIL, she could be really useful. Not only that, we could be friends of sorts. She would be a good one for taking the kids out and couponing together and stuff like that. I wish we could have that kind of relationship. That’s probably why I set the condition of family counseling. I know it’ll never happen. I need to not even let myself think it. But, I do. I wish it could be like that. I hate that I wish that. I wish I could really hate her as much as I want to.

 

- My Health: Sucks. My RA is out of control, I’m in so much pain. I wish I could just feel good. Or, even OK. But, as it is, I’m always tired and achy. My feet hurt so bad and my left ankle is nearly unbearable by bedtime. So, I asked Dr. Rheumy for new drugs today. Strong drugs. Drugs that we’ve been avoiding because we’ve been pro-creating, and now we’re not. She gave me drugs. I am pleasantly stoned right now. I wouldn’t say I’m in much less pain (not that I expected to be on the first day), but, who gives a shit? I’m nice an relaxed. This isn’t really what I want, though…

 

- So What the Hell Do I Want?: Yeah, another big topic around here. Apparently I need goals. Not just for me, either, for the whole family. We need to stop drifting this way. Now that we’ve decided to actively prevent pregnancy, it feels like a whole new world has opened to us. More on this to come.

The Strongest Full Moon Since Ever October 13, 2011

I’m not normally overly affected by the whole moon situation, or really even my own little lunar cycle. PMS happens from time to time, but usually, not so much. The Time itself sucks ass. But the week or so prior too? Not usually a big deal.

This month has been a massive Exception To The Rule. Massive. All week I’ve been a cranky bitch. Scratch that, a LAZY, cranky bitch. Watching myself objectively, I totally see that. In the moment, I am SO JUSTIFIED in being a beached killer whale (do orca beach? am too lazy to find out) with an attitude problem.

This leads me to theories (because, duh, I’m not doing anything else*, might as well be making theories):

• The moons pull is somehow stronger than normal this month**
• On the rare month I feel this way, I’ve released more than one egg (hah! I’m just assuming my lazy f’ing ovaries released even one egg!)
• I am in fact possessed by the spirit of a woman who hates me and likes to see me hurt feelings and let my house go to hell, just for kicks.
• Does anyone else think Pumped Up Kicks is just a more catchy version of the song Teenagers by My Chemical Romance?
• I love My Chemical Romance and Blink 182. Especially Blink 182.
• I know this isn’t supposed to be a random list of crazy, but I’m feeling really distractable and rambly, and hey whatever, it’s my blog.

* I am in fact doing a lot else. The Baby G & I both have strep, so just today I navigated taking all of the children to doctors appt’s for both of us (got lots of compliments on how well behaved the kiddies are, too). And you know, strep + baby = a ton of crying which = being attached to Mama. (Mama is not complaining. I’d rather he be attached to me and happy, but at this point, I’ll take all the cuddles I can get.)

** Once again, am entirely too lazy to verify the science involved with this theory. Let’s just assume it’s possible, eh?

You know what would really be good right now? Sleep. Chocolate. Percocet. Sleep.

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Benedryl October 8, 2011

 and Eye Drops…

and Pedialyte…

and now Mommy needs liquor…

Aaah, sick season, how I didn’t miss you. You dirty, germy whore. (and I wonder why all my search traffic comes from pervy guys looking for squirty boob porn…)

Right then. So, it’s been raining and pouring ’round these parts for nearly a month now. (Figuratively, of course, the actual rainy weather is curiously MIA.) You know, of course, about The Really Bad Week, but since then we’ve dealt with fun things like An Allergic Reaction to Cinnamon. Cinnamon?!?!?! Specifically cheap Aldi cinnamon. Way to go, Mom, tried to save $1.50, had to spend $2 on Benedryl. (Also, hello! Benedryl is only $2… talk about a good deal.) Thankfully, the reaction wasn’t severe and the pediatrician said just give him some Benedryl and watch him for 24 hours and everything was OK. But, seriously, watching your kids face puff up and turn fire engine red because his breakfast touched it? SCARY AS HELL!

Then things were OK, for 2 or 3 days and I found out that Big C spent a fuck-ton of money ($130 to be exact) on my X-Box live account and X-Box is being very “watch your damn kids better, idiot” about it (understandable). So, that sucks. But Big C is being very, well, Big C about it. Which is INFURIATING. He has clearly not been beaten enough (I do not actually believe in beating children. I do believe in joking about beating them to other grown ups when I am very mad with their actions.). That or he has ADHD and ODD. Fucking labels. I’m not really sure how I feel about the labeling, nor how to properly handle this shit knowing that part of this is out of his control, except, is it? I don’t know. GRRRR. Anyone with ADHD/ODD experience please feel free to chime in and educate my ass. I’m rather at a loss…

Oh right, and the baby’s sick. We officially have our first case of family pink eye! Complete with matching goop! And… because one inconvenient, highly contagious illness isn’t enough… we also have matching poop! You know what’s a lot of fun? Changing, and I shit you not (shit! hah, I’m so funny), 10 poopy diapers for one baby in one day! Just imagine being the poor kid making 10 poopy diapers in one day. Poor guy. Diarreha and toddlers do not mix. Especially toddlers with itchy, goopy eyes. (Technically, eye, I started the drops in both eyes to prevent the spread!)

I know there is good stuff…

I know these are only blips in the grand scheme of things…

But, sometimes, one just needs a good whine.

A Really Boring List That I Will Totally Understand If You Don’t Read December 13, 2010

The babies are both sleeping! So here is a quick update on the haps at casa Minta!

 

• After thinking about it constantly for a couple of days, I did decide to test. It was negative. Well, G says it was negative. I am insane and always see some kind of shadow line. Well, this time it was there, then it wasn’t, then it came back. Which means I am insane. Because even when I don’t really-really-really want to see a line, apparently my brain still wants to see a line.
• I will be 31 on Wednesday. Boo! But also, yay. I’m feeling a little odd about my birthday this year.
• Enbrel has been restarted. RA relief has happened almost immediately. Oh, right, I never told you… I have been having the worst RA pain of my life since about 8 weeks postpartum. I have been living on the steroids, which has slowed the weight loss way the heck down So, I saw the rheumy and now am back on the drugs. Am starting to feel better already. She had thought it might take months…
• Prednisone step down here we come!
• Hopefully weight loss will pick back up.
• Have now lost 72 pounds! Which is only two pounds since last time I told you, a month ago. Hence the joy at the pednisone going way.
• Wii Fit has been resumed. I was too fat for it for a while (even not pregnant…) but now am back on track with it!

Poxgate 2010: The Chicken Edition July 14, 2010

I’m about to bitch, people… Big time.

What has my panties all twisted this fine (ok, hot & muggy) evening?

Selfish idiots who take their Chicken Pox infected kids out into public to start a fucking outbreak, is what has me so pissed off, tahnkyouverymuch!

G & I went to the super big box electronics store this evening to lust over scope out some new gadgets & what not. We were having a grand ol’ time until we rounded a corner and found a small boy (maybe 4 or 5), COVERED in Chicken Pox blisters. He was playing the electronic drums as his little sister (2′ish), who was very much NOT covered in The Pox, played with something else and their mom watched. The majority of El Poxo’s blisters were still blistery i.e. he was still contagious.

So, what did mommy do when she saw an OBVIOUSLY pregnant woman waddle towards her highly contagious ball of germs? Not.a.damn.thing! She let me waddle right into the space her kid had been contaminating without blinking an eye.

Why is this bad? It’s not like grown ups can get it, right? Well, you know, unless they’ve never had it… or they are immune compromised… or pregnant. Plus there’s the whole carrying it home to not yet immune kids factor. But, hey who gives a shit about infecting other people, daddy needs a new video game…

If you are sick: STAY HOME

If your kid is sick: STAY HOME

Nobody wants your fucking germs!

Misc Other Updates February 11, 2010

- Back at work today. Boo!

- Cried like a girl the whole way to work. I don’t know whether to take it as a sign that hormones are still in full effect, or that I should have stayed in bed one more day.

- Symptoms (tits of wrath (please let someone find me by Googling “tits of wrath”!) in full effect, thirsty again, stomach unsure of itself etc…) still pretty much steady, but I’m having trouble with the concept of a baby surviving that kind of illness.

- In case you were living in bed and not watching TV for the last week, it snowed. Like, a lot. For some crazy reason I thought it just snowed on Friday afternoon and Tuesday morning, but apparently, no. It snowed for days and there’s like 18 inches in my yard.

- I really want to go back to bed.

- It’s my 10th wedding anniversary and my house is a wreck, and I haven’t got the hubs a present, yet. I did get him a really sappy card (which is what he likes).

- The MIL sent cards yesterday for G’s b-day and our anniversary. They’re in my car. I want to pitch them. Am not bitch enough to pitch them.

- It’s not finished

*

*

*

- It’s finished. (Spaced totally rules, I heart Simon Pegg.)

Flugate: Day 5 February 10, 2010

Thank you guys for your well wishes and for caring enough to keep up with me…

I went to the doctor. Not my doctor, because she was snowed in, because apparently while I was dying south-western Ohio got covered in snow multiple times. Including this morning, while I was driving to my appointment. Thankfully G left his monster truck for me and he braved the weather in my low rider Camry. Anyway, I saw a medical professional who I trust as much as I trust any medical professional that isn’t a direct member of my team. She was very nice, she was very certain about what was wrong and she was very certain her treatment plan would get me better without hurting Sprout.

What turned out to be wrong? Well, she suspects, and I agree, that it started as the flu and then because of my slightly compromised  immune system I developed a secondary infection, or rather a string of secondary infections affecting my lungs, sinuses, throat and ears. Also, my weight is down one pound from Friday. So, that’s the bad news. The good news, she says that because of normal pregnancy congestion, lots of pregnant women get multiple upper respiratory infections which have no affect on the pregnancy or baby. She was so certain that everything was fine that she refused to humor me regarding the ultrasound I begged for. I would be pissed, except… boobs are killing me, I’m still nauseous and averse to meat (it tastes like blood, ewww), basically all symptoms are going strong.

Now, back to bed. Tired from all this finger movement…

Flugate: Day 4 February 8, 2010

Right, so… I haven’t posted the latest pic of Sprout, yet. Normally I’d totally just own the fact that I’m a lazy procrastinating whore and call it a day. I honestly wish that were the case right now. But, it’s not…

The case, I’m still sick. Fever is down under 100, but still achy, head still congested and painful, still weak and easily fatigued, and now it’s moving into my chest. We’re on day 4. I feel better than Day 2 but worse than Day3. Have spent 15-20 hours a day in bed for the last four days. I hope the vaporizer counts toward fluid intake, am doing the best I can, but not getting enough water… Am actually seeing the doc tomorrow. Plan to beg for ultrasound to make sure Sprout’s still sprouting.

I so cannot take this shit anymore.-