Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

I really hate waiting… February 16, 2009

I think God must be playing some sort of cruel joke on me. He gave me an impatient personality, and then filled my life with one wait after another. For those of you dealing with infertility, you know exactly what I mean. Then add to that, more waiting to decide if moving forward with fertility goals is even an option, oh an wait to find out if you’re dying. I’m losing my mind.

The thing is, I can’t get my head around the cancer thing. It just can’t be real. The only thing that feels real about it, is how it’s impacting fertility plans. Obviously, if I’m dying I can’t have a baby. But, how could I possibly be dying? Since we don’t know anything for certain, yet, I’m choosing to believe that I’m not. But… I’m also researching the shit out of tests that need to be run and possibilities. I keep looking for that magical, “Oh wait, this really could be nothing” article on the Internet. As of yet, it’s eluding me.

So, since, I can’t think about anything else, here’s what’s going on in my head: New Doc is faxing lab work to me, I will take it to my GP and ask for her interpretation along with:

  • Blood test for calcium levels
  • Bone Marrow biopsy for plasma levels
  • Urine analysis to check for Bence Jones proteins

I’m continuing to do more research to determine if anything else needs to be done. If there’s anything I can do other than wait. Sure, I could be working, but frankly, I’m too keyed up to concentrate.

Hopefully we can get all of this out of the way in the next two weeks so it doesn’t mess up March being a Clomid cycle. See, what I mean, this is only real in as much as it affects the baby making.

Speaking of baby making, as was previously mentioned, the baby making sex has been quite monotonous of late. So, I gave G a birthday present of “love making” every day, as opposed to “sex” every day. Now with the cancer stress, I’ve been falling down on the job. He is being quite understanding, but I feel terrible for not delivering on a gift that’s less than a month old! Anybody out there have tips for keeping the sparkle while dealing with stress?


2 Responses to “I really hate waiting…”

  1. Carleen Says:

    Hi! I found your blog through BlogHer and after reading the most current post, I had to read them all.

    You’re dealing with an incredibly frightening issue at the same time as you’re working on fixing an incredibly frustrating one. I’ve been there and done that on both the cancer and the infertility issues. The latter has been resolved, but the former is current and on-going.

    What worked for me in the lack of patience department — because I have a similar problem, LOL! — was to proactively refuse to worry about something until I had enough information it to know whether or not it was worth spending the energy in worry. It’s not easy, and I do fall off the wagon every now and again; however, I found that the energy spent on worrying is much more useful when directed at working on things that I can control. Maybe it will work for you, too?

    I wish you all the best on your journey.

  2. Minta Says:

    Hi Carleen, thank you for your kind words. Very wise, and true!

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