Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

A Letter to My Mother-In-Law March 17, 2009

Filed under: Family — arminta @ 4:15 pm

Preface: Things have been pretty hairy on the MIL front over the past couple of weeks, and now they’re at critical mass. G is essentially shutting her off, to the point of wanting to change our phone numbers and not give her the address to the new house.


Dear P,

Let me start by saying, I know you don’t like me (and to be clear, I don’t like you either). You never have. I also know that this has nothing to do with me. I could be anyone and you would still hate me, because you are a selfish person who wants to control and dominate. The problem is that you want to control and manipulate my husband, and that’s not going to happen. See, G is a grown up with his own life and makes his own decisions. He likes it that way. He also likes having a wife who treats him like an adult and an equal and a partner. He does not like having a mother who is constantly undermining him and treating him like a child. He is 33 after all. Should you ever decide to be a grown up and accept this as a good thing, I know that he would love to have a healthy and normal relationship with you. But as things stand you are hurting him and pushing him away. That’s all I’ll say about G, because that’s between you and him. I don’t like seeing my husband hurt, but I know that I can’t stop you from hurting him and I can’t stop him from letting you, all I can do is be there to support him when you do.

On the subject of you and I; however, I do have more to say. For starters, you may have selective memory, and you may believe you were nice to me at some point throughout the years, but you were not. I have many witnesses to this fact, and if you’d like to sue me (and by proxy G) for slander, bring it on. In order for a statement to be slanderous it has to be false, so good luck winning a slander suit. You have said terrible things to me. You have called me terrible names. Most of this happened while I was still a minor, before I knew better than to speak to you. If you’d like to have a very public display of what a hateful person you were to a young girl who wanted nothing more than to be in love (and be your friend), then let’s do it. I have neighbors who saw you pull up in front of my house and yell for me to come out so you could kick my My family has listened on the phone as you called me every name in the book. Trust me, however you remember the last 16 years, you have not been a good person to me and there are lots of people who have seen it. So, I’d quit making slander lawsuit threats.

I’d also quit telling my husband that it’s only a matter of time before I cheat on him. Unlike you, I love my husband. This statement has me pretty upset for two reasons. Firstly, you hurt my husband, and that’s just not allowed. From anyone. Secondly, this is an example of a slanderous statement. There is absolutely no reason to believe that I’d ever cheat on Gar. We are in a loving marriage, built on Christ our savior. We have overcome many adversities together and have grown only stronger. What part of that suggests that I treat him poorly or am just moments away from screwing someone else? Don’t project your crap and baggage onto me, I’m NOTHING like you. You may have screwed around on B (and who knows who else), and B may have screwed around on you, but you two are not me and G. Of course, it’s not wrong when you do it… *note the dripping sarcasm*

Also, unlike you, apparently, I have better things to discuss with my friends and family than you. No, my mother and I don’t just sit around bad mouthing you all day. As a matter of fact, other than when my husband calls me upset from a call or time spent with you, I don’t even think about you. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes think of how unfortunate it is that my children won’t have the benefit of two strong and loving Grandmothers like I had, but that’s not about you, that’s about my & G’s children.

Whether you like it or not, G and I are having children. In fact, we might be pregnant right now. It’s just too early to tell. We were not pregnant on Christmas, though, nor was I “faking it” as you claim. See part of my treatments involves taking an hcg shot, which makes you feel pregnant. Morning sickness and all for some. I’m one of the lucky ones who gets the false morning sickness. Thanks for being so concerned for my well being though, I know it was tough. At any rate, we are going to have children, whether they are biological or adopted or both. They probably will be both. See, we’ve waited until we were settled and mature to have children. (I know you were fully mature at 15, but most people aren’t, also most 50 year olds don’t still act they’re 15, but whatever.) We BOTH want this. Yes, G wants to be a father. That’s what happens when you wait until you’re a grown up to make major life decisions, you WANT the responsibility, because you know it comes with rewards. I’m sorry that you feel G was burden and held you back in life. Although, considering Grandma had him most of the time, you were out partying or on a truck with your boyfriend or whatever you did for most of his childhood, I’m not really seeing how he was such a burden to you. He really appreciates you bringing it up all the time though. It really makes a person feel good to know their mother never really wanted them and feels like their life is worse for having them.

You can stop with the family pride. If that is what you’re proud to be associated with, I’m quite glad to be an outsider. With the exception of the B family (C, P, C, J & H) your family are all trash. Yes, all. You have rapists, child molesters, thieves, child molesters, adulterers, liars, thieves, gold diggers, alcoholics, drug addicts and the like in your family who you adamantly defend as good people. Then have the gall to call me names and talk about my family. Really? Your sister who thinks it’s OK to pour kerosene on a child’s head to get rid of lice (oh, and who let the poor kid get lice) is a better person than my uncle the pastor? You have a cousin serving a life sentence in prison for molesting a child, who you see regularly and he’s a good person, but I’m a bad person? Seriously, you have strange priorities when you would rather be associated with that lot than G and me. But, if that’s what you call good people, I’m quite alright with you thinking I’m no good. Because, I’m not like those people. I only bring your family into things because you seemed to have a lot to say about mine this afternoon. Only what I’m saying about your family is true.

The bottom line, P, I don’t care what you think of me or my family. I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t care if you want to call and leave me voice mails railing me for some thing or another. Really, I don’t, because I don’t care about you. But I do care about the effect of your actions on my husband, and if you love him as you claim to, you should care about that too.

F Off,



One Response to “A Letter to My Mother-In-Law”

  1. […] the time to stir up some unnecessary, and frankly inappropriate drama. That’s right folks my MIL, yes, this one, is going to a funeral to DEMAND an apology to the family and to her nephew from the […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s