Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

The MIL is Still Buggin’ Me March 18, 2009

Filed under: Family,Marriage — arminta @ 3:08 pm

OK, here’s the thing, I don’t want to see G hurt. I know that my going after his mother the way I’d like to right now will end in his being more hurt. She’s already hurt him enough this week. However, I’m still feeling like boundaries need to be enforced. I did this once before. I changed our phone numbers, we moved and did not give her the address. Then G would call her when HE was up for it (blocking the phone number) and eventually, he felt like it was OK to give her the phone numbers and address. Then things were OK for a while. We’ve been through several rounds of OK and definitely NOT OK over the past 15 years. Although, we’ve never had to go back to the extreme of changing the phone numbers again.

If there weren’t the possibility of a baby coming soon, I’d be right on board with that. But, I know G wants to be able to share the birth of his first child with his Mom. Of course he does. He wants a Mom that loves and respects him and is happy for him. He wants to have a normal, healthy relationship with her. I can’t blame him for that, of course that’s what he wants. I want it for him. On the other hand, that’s not going to be possible with his mother.

Now, I understand that a big part of her problem is jealousy. She’s jealous that I have a career and that I have been able to provide G with a better home than she was able to. She’s jealous that I don’t have to stay married to a man I hate because I have no job skills or way to support myself. She’s jealous that I have a loving husband. She’s jealous that I made good life decisions and she did not. She’s jealous of G, too. It’s conflicting her because on the one hand she weirdly kind of worships G, and on the other she’s very jealous of him. Because he’s happy and she isn’t. I understand this kind of mentality, some members of my fathers family created it. But, I don’t understand it coming from a mother to her child.

At any rate. I feel as if I cannot let this most recent episode go by without addressing it. It is apparent to me that if she will not be a decent person of of respect and love, then she will have to just behave like one out of fear of repercussion. For instance… calling names = hanging up the phone or leaving the restaurant. It’s a crying shame that a grown adult should have to be trained the way one would train a puppy.

If anyone else has suggestions for dealing with a Monster-In-Law in a way that reduces stress (rather than adds to it), please feel free to share.

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One Response to “The MIL is Still Buggin’ Me”

  1. […] to stir up some unnecessary, and frankly inappropriate drama. That’s right folks my MIL, yes, this one, is going to a funeral to DEMAND an apology to the family and to her nephew from the […]


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