Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

I’m Baaaack! July 31, 2009

Filed under: Femara Round 1 — arminta @ 1:51 pm

I’m Baaaaack in the stirrups aga-i-n.

I’m Baaaack!

 

Right-o, gay attempt at converting ACDC to Blog’lish. Point, I kept my date with the dildo cam this morning. It is so nice to be wanded on ones way to work. I was starting to miss my weekly ultrasonographic dildo’ing. OK, that may be taking the joke too far.

 

So, the verdict?

Lining: Thick (but not Thicke), luscious, triple lined perfection

Mrs Right: 6-8 follibuds (that’s what I call them…)

Ms. Left: 4-6 follibuds

No cysts, no growths, no problems.

 

** Note: I do not know how one of my ovaries got married, or to whom/what she is married. This was news to me as well, but she does insist on her proper title, or she will punish me severely once stimulated.

 

So, we’re all systems go. Femara starts tomorrow and the Ovidrel is inbound from Freedom Fertility (way cheapest place for Ovidrel, BTW, literally they charge 1/2 of what the pharmacies in my area are charging).

 

So, yay? Kind of. I’m feeling rather ambivalent at this point. I mean, I dropped like $300 bucks today on this cycle (drugs, u/s, blood work, etc…) so should I be feeling more pumped? or something?

 

Mostly I feel scared. I’m scared of getting pregnant again, and scared of NOT getting pregnant again and scared of being the broad with six pregnancies and no babies. And scared of becoming a total infertility whore. (Or would it be infertility john? I’m the one paying $156 bucks for someone to stick a camera up my hoo-ha.) I’m scared that infertility will eventually destroy my marriage. I’m scared that this cycle will result in something other than a live baybee. And, I still have that insanely small (like .0000001%) normal part of me that is a little scared that it will.

 

Why couldn’t I have just gotten knocked up in high school, and… oh wait, I did. FUCK

 

This is so fucking hard.

 

I.am.drained.

 

That the goodness G and my Mom have a date tonight, so I can chillz by m’lonesome and get my rest on.

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One Response to “I’m Baaaack!”

  1. Kate Says:

    It’s awful to be in the catch 22. Scared to be pregnant. Scared not to be pregnant. I hope one day these day to day pains will be a memory of a distant past. Good luck on your journey!

    (Man I’n so OVER the dildos)


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