They say a writer finds their voice at about 100,000 words written. If that’s true, I’m half way to finding my voice on this blog. I’m pretty jazzed about it!
OK, but the for realsies are more important right now… I saw the rheumatologist today. For the first time since I got pregnant, and subsequently fell unpregnant. She had some insight, which basically boiled down to “Hello, I’ve been telling you to take more drugs, why is it that you don’t listen? Also, remember how I told you to take iron? I wasn’t fucking kidding!”
OK, she didn’t say it anywhere near like that. But, she did talk me into more drugs. Her argument: NOT taking drugs that could help me feel substantially better hasn’t been helping. It’s possible that taking the drugs will help. It’s more possible that whether they help or not I will feel better. It’s almost impossible for them to make things worse. She makes a good point. So, I accepted the scripts for Plaquenil (lupus anticoagulant antibodies) and Enbrel (rhuematoid arthritis).
** Warning: I’m about to go all kinds of med geek on you, maybe, but I think so **
I’m hoping for big results from the Enbrel. It should do great things for the RA. Should… But, in a lot of the research I’ve been doing (please remember I.am.dork) it appears that there is a link between insulin resistance/obesity and tumor necrosis factor alpha (TNF-a). TNF-a is what the Enbrel is designed to block. So, I’m hoping if not for some weight loss, at least some improvement of insulin symptoms. It seems like all of my issues are cyclical. I wish I knew how to break the cycle. Example) PCOS causes Insulin Resistance which causes Obesity which raises TNF-a which causes Insulin Resistance etc… TNF-a also increases inflammation and RA pain, which reduces the ability to exercise or even move or prepare healthy insulin fighting dinners. Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be worse. My MGUS could morph into Multiple Myeloma (my worst fear, btw, that I get diagnosed while pregnant), I could get hit by a truck and die etc. Lots and lots of worse things are out there, and I GET THAT. What I don’t get, is why I’m stuck in my position. OK, all done with the pity party (not REALLY, but quitting anyway as it is benefiting no one).
So, all in all I’m calling this appointment good. I really like this doctor. I know my family harbors ill will because of the MGUS vs Multiple Myeloma scare back in February, but that wasn’t her fault. She can’t be help responsible for my bad blood.
I am kind of back to the question of whether or no it’s fair to pass my bad blood on, though. I have so many health issues. Some of them are kind of bad, too. Like the MM risk and the RA. Is it really fair to knowingly risk giving these diseases to someone else? I don’t know. More often than not I take the statistics to heart and realize the chances are so slim for the MGUS/MM. As for the RA my Gran had 6 children, of the 6 four developed an auto-immune disease, only one was “bad” (i.e. chronic & life affecting). My Dad, the “bad” one, has three children, two of us have auto-immune disorders. Only one of us is “bad.” So, I do stand a chance of passing down RA or psoriasis to my child, if I ever have a child. I have a second cousin on G’s side who’s family has no history of auto-immune disorders (on either side) who has RA as severely as I do. I could adopt a child with RA, I could be perfectly healthy and my child could have RA. NONE of my cousins (descendants of Gran, pgm with RA) have an auto-immune disorder. Of the 20 kids who were “at risk” 2 of us realized the risk. So, it’s hard for me to see that as no risk, or negligible risk, but I have to realize that while the risk is higher than the general population, it isn’t much higher.
Sorry about that trip to tangent land. That’s just something I have to work out every now and then.
Back to recap… appointment went well and we may have a new method for solving this miscarriage curse.