Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

International Infertility Advice October 1, 2009

Filed under: Fun Assvice,Infertility — arminta @ 6:21 pm

Of course, we all have the "Aunt Jane’s" in our lives. Those people who think getting drunk and screwing on vacation = baby 100% of the time ovulation be damned. (For the record, I have never gotten pregnant on vacation.) Our mother’s and aunts and sisters are all guilty of Aunt Jane type behavior. The occasional stranger in the "family planning" isle can also be a bit Aunt Jane’ish. It’s always and never surprising who turns out to be an Aunt Jane.


(In case you don’t know Aunt Jane)


You know who I would never suspect of being an Aunt Jane? One of G’s clients. Why? Because G is in a delivery type of business, he doesn’t see the same people on a regular basis and the majority of his customers are in the food service industry. But, alas, we have found the Indian equivalent of the Aunt Jane. He is the Uncle C. Apparently, the story goes like this:


G told Uncle C about Blueberry Bean in April. G hadn’t seen him again until last week (OK, I’m a lying whore, this actually happened almost a month ago). Uncle C asked G about the baby and G told him that the baby had died. They then discussed “the problem.” Then Uncle C decided to hand out quite a bit of unsolicited (and new, to us) assvice. What prey tell was the Indian assvice:

– G should eat 6 almonds a day to give him extra “oomph”

– Since I am the problem, we should have sex when the moon is full


Of course, he also offered the same old prop hips, do it missionary style and all that jazz.


So, I am half way between “well, that’s sweet” and “holy fucking shit, I can’t go back to my favorite Indian restaurant.” Except, I did go back to pick up some carry-out food. And Uncle C was there. And he asked about “things.” How embarrassing. What am I supposed to say? Oh, yeah, he’s eating 6 almonds a day and we’re fucking at the full moon, but still only dead babies.


But, still part of me did think, maybe… Maybe, his ideas have some merit. Almonds have some minerals, maybe they’re minerals that could help. The full moon comes round the same time every month, ovulation is supposed to come round the same time, maybe they’re related. So I did a little research. Just like all of the rest of the assvice we hear everyday, it has some basis in fact but very little bearing on true infertility. Chances are good anyone who gets pregnant timing to the moon or eating almonds was going to get pregnant anyway. But, it was interesting having new assvice to investigate…


(BTW, the next full moon is 10-4, I’ll be on CD10, going on the theory that sperm can live 3-5 days in fertile cm those swimmers COULD still be alive by ovulation, but it’s not terribly likely)


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