Today I should be 34w1d pregnant with Blueberry Bean. My sister had both of the C’s between 34 and 36 weeks. My baby should be big enough to be born. He should be kicking me and keeping me up. Instead, I’m up crying into my wine and watching Twilight and blogging about missing my baby. My baby that I’ll never get to meet. My baby that will never call me mama, or wake me up in the night or lose a tooth, or cut a tooth for that matter.
Why am I watching Twilight to remember my baby? Well, confession time… I watched Twilight every day when I was pregnant with BB. I don’t know why. Blueberry Bean must’ve just loved the movie. G thinks I watch it because I have some sort of fan girl crush on Robert Pattinson. And, while that may be why I bought the DVD, it’s not why I watch it now. I watch it now to try ot remember the feeling of being pregnant. Not just pregnant, but hopefully pregnant. Pregnant and really expecting a baby to come of it.
I would give anything to have him back right now. I miss him so much. It’s amazing how much you can miss someone who you’ve never met. I want my baby back. God, I want my baby back.