Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

25 Days November 16, 2009

Filed under: Blueberry Bean,Miscarriage — arminta @ 2:31 pm

Due date is 25 days away and is constantly filling my brain. I know that nothing special will happen on 12/11. I also know that even if Blueberry Bean had lived, chances are really good 12/11 wouldn’t have been his birthday anyway. Most people were betting he’d be four days late and be born on my and my Dad’s birthday. Equally possible he could already be here with us now. Or he could be born on 12/8 or 12/13 or any other completely random date in the 11/27 to 12/25 time frame. Because babies don’t know when they’re “supposed” to be born, they pop out when they’re ready.

 

But, mine didn’t. Mine died. Mine had to be surgically extracted. I’ll never see his face, or kiss his nose. I’ll never get to count his fingers and toes.

 

In 25 days nothing will happen, and my world is an emptier place because of it.

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2 Responses to “25 Days”

  1. Anna Says:

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It’s very sad and unbelievably painful. I can see what you mean by ‘nothing’ happening but in a way it’s not nothing, you remembering and feeling sad about losing Blueberry Bean is real and important. Take care of yourself and don’t expect too much, take your time. With big hugs x

  2. JuliaS Says:

    I am so sorry. Remembering those dates and facing those dates is hard. Sending you wishes of peace and better days to come.

    here from the comments section of Stirrup Queens


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