Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Two Weeks November 30, 2009

Filed under: Miscarriage — arminta @ 2:24 pm

It seems as if my life is a never-ending stream of two weeks. Two weeks until ovulation (or at least when ovulation should occur). Two weeks until time to test. Two weeks until the next ultrasound. Everything is two weeks away.

 

Right now I’m just inside of that two-week wait until Blueberry Bean’s EDD. I can’t help but to play parallels in my head all day of what life should be like in these final days of my pregnancy. How I should be feeling, what I should be doing. My brain is on automatic countdown mode, as if it’s just like any other tww. Two more weeks, until… nothing.

 

Which is exactly how I feel, as if “the nothing” is coming. It will be here in two weeks (actually 12 days) and I’m powerless to stop it. I don’t know how I’ll react, or how I’ll feel. Part of me thinks that by dreading it this much, I’m taking away its power. That it can’t possibly be as bad as I’m building it up to be. But, another part of me thinks I’m being naive and that it will be far worse than I’m imagining. How the pain can get any worse than the last two weeks is really quite beyond me, though.

 

It’s really odd, right now, I feel “fine.” You know, fine for me. I haven’t cried in two days, I’m concentrating on my work fairly well. I’m doing leaps and bounds better than the last time I made a Never Ending Story reference. But, I have this feeling like this is the calm before the storm. Like there’s a thunderhead on the horizon making its way towards me.

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One Response to “Two Weeks”

  1. MEG. Says:

    Oh gosh. I can see how this particular tww will be more painful than the rest for you. And I sympathize with that feeling of “the nothing” all too well (it comes in many different shapes and sizes).

    I don’t have anything to add that will take away your sorrow, but please know that you’re in my thoughts.


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