Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

I know God will bless you with children December 3, 2009

Filed under: Family — arminta @ 8:19 pm

#1 All Time Most Hated Thing for People to Say to Me. “I know God will bless you with children”


How do you know?

Did he tell you?

A year it ago it was a blessing that I didn’t have kids, because I could help with the C’s so much?

I’m confused….

So, as you may be able to tell from my grumpy attitude… Oh, yeah, probably not, I’m always grumpy… Anyway. I sent the e-mail to my family. I said: Thanksgiving was about us; we’re parents grieving for our children (5 of whom were due from Nov-Jan); we don’t know what we’re doing for Christmas, but it shouldn’t affect ya’ll. My Mom got it. I knew she would. She called we talked everything’s square.

My aunt on the other hand… Can I say Grrr? I don’t need your permission 😛 Grrrr

This is the response:

I understand completely.  I want you to do whatever it takes for you to cope the way you need to cope. I do appreciate hearing what’s on your mind.  Thank you for sharing it with us.   

You are right that Christmas is for children.  That’s what we should all care about the most.  I hope we can all be together at Christmas and can have peace and happiness. 

I grieved for Blueberry Bean.   I didn’t know it would affect me as it did.     I know God will bless you with children.

Or to paraphrase: I give you permission to grieve; Christmas is for children, that’s why you should come ’round and be happy; I’m an insane self centered git.

Seriously, her response is she grieved!??!!?!? She was shocked at how much the death of my child affected HER?!?!?!?! Was she waiting for me to comfort her over the loss of MY CHILD, is that why she couldn’t call or write or send flowers or a card?

To borrow from Ruby… Who’s pissed right now?

Then she ends this sugar sappy selfish insanity with “I know God will bless you with children.” Which literally just proves that she doesn’t live in the real world. Who says this to people? (I know people say it…) Especially people with not one, not two but SIX dead babies. Especially to grieving parents who have said the words “We don’t believe that, right now.” How fucking inconsiderate can you get?

OK, rant over. I feel moderately better. No I don’t. But the reason is fodder for a different post.


4 Responses to “I know God will bless you with children”

  1. panamahat Says:

    Even with eight dead babies, people STILL say this to me. Recently in a yoga class the teacher mentioned how two pregnant women were blessed. I wanted to say “well does that mean I’m CURSED???”


    I just WISH people would keep their damn traps shut, apart from saying “I’m so dreadfully sorry for your loss/es, I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. I know there is nothing I can say to make things better, but I want you to know I care and am here for you.”

    WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO SAY? Why do people think any of the OTHER IDIOTIC STUFF THEY SAY is going to be BETTER or more APPROPRIATE than a simple sorry?


    Anyway, I guess you can see that comment really pushes my buttons!!

    • arminta Says:

      Yes! I agree completely. All that’s needed is “I’m so sorry.” Because there isn’t anything that will help, so why bother with it! Grrr…

      OK, settling down. Thanks for letting me know that it isn’t just me being overy sensitive on that one.

  2. Jenn Says:

    EHHH! I know what you mean I hate assvice and other peoples oppinions on your uterus! GAH!

  3. autoimmunelife Says:

    ((hugs)) I don’t know what’s wrong with people, I’ve lost two babies in 6 months and get crazy comments. I realize it’s not the same thing, but the comments bug me, I can only imagine how they are for you. 😦 ((hugs)) I think I’d probably be screaming at the aunt right about now. 😦

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