Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Sprout’s Debut January 23, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,Week 8 — arminta @ 5:03 pm

It’s a picture of a picture, but I’ve seen worse… I cannot believe how big this baby is, or how developed. With Bean I didn’t really know what to look for at 7 weeks, but being able to clearly see a head and arms and legs (this might be a little too fuzzy, but I promise on the real deal arms and legs are clear, tiny and skinny, but totally there) is a world of difference.

So, I made a “wish list” for things to come of this ultrasound which consisted of:

– A perfect heartbeat (Check)

– Baby measuring spot on (Check)

– Dr. G agree to weekly ultrasounds to quell my anxiety (NO Check)

Nope, Dr. Groll would agree to every two weeks at the most. He actually thinks I might only get two more before he kicks me out to the regular people’s OB. He is already planning to kick me out to the regular people’s OB. Holy shit, this thing might just happen this time!

I know it’s early. I haven’t even passed the mark where I lost Bean. I’m only a little better than half way through the first trimester. There’s still time for bad things to happen. But, right now, just for today, I feel a little invincible. I have a fraction of that “I’m pregnant, therefore I’ll give birth” feeling that regular people get.

In addition to my stunning events of yesterday, I yakked at the Cracker Barrel this morning. We were done eating, and I was rocking Little C outside while waiting for the rest of the peep’s to finish up shopping, when I smelled someone who had been smoking in their car. I instantly gagged and had to run for the restroom. I have thrown up from morning sickness before, but not like this. In that run to the bathroom I felt like a “real pregnant person.” I didn’t have that feeling of being an impostor, or of being pretend pregnant or temporarily pregnant. I just felt pregnant. And it felt good. That’s right, tossing my cookies in a public bathroom (and dropping a two year old onto my husband to do it) felt good.

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6 Responses to “Sprout’s Debut”

  1. ju Says:

    I’m thrilled you are pregnant and things are looking good. Rock on real pregnant person!

  2. Two Kayaks Says:

    The loss robs us of being able to go through any pregnancy without anxiety. It’s not fair. I wasn’t able to enjoy my one and only successful pregnancy as much as I should have because of the overwhelming fear. What helped me get through it was purchasing a fetal doppler. I was able to check on the babies’ heartbeats as much as I wanted and it helped to quell the fear.

  3. heh- I totally understand how you feel. Just this week I started getting “that feeling”… that feeling that being pregnant = living baby.

    I’m so happy for you and wishing you all the best!!

  4. I totally understand that feeling — here’s to being a “real” pregnant person! That feeling will only get stronger and stronger…and when you graduate to the regular OB you will only be a couple of weeks from being able to hear the HB. Try to find a willing nurse who could listen in between appointments if you feel panicky. I did that and it made the wait a lot easier, just knowing I could go in whenever I needed to for reassurance. Keep up the good work!

  5. K Says:

    So cute and so amazing! Congrats on feeling like a “real pregnant person” I love how hopeful you sound!

  6. Susie Says:

    Congratulations! I can’t say “I know what you mean” (yet!) but I imagine that if things work out for me, I will feel much the way you do. I hope the anxiety and fear is minimized as things progress. Best wishes!


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