Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

I’m Considering Myself Punished April 29, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Fear — arminta @ 2:18 pm

So… this morning I woke up to wet. Sweet smelling wet. Watery, textureless, sweet smelling wet. Every. Freaking. Where. (OK, everywhere was really just my underwear and a little on my sheet, but it was enough to freak me out.)

Naturally, I went to work.

Because, it can’t be bad if I’m at work, right. They’ll tell me not to worry and come in on Monday as scheduled. Not right. No, the nurse on call said “come in right away it might be amniotic fluid!” Because that definitely calms an anxious mother. So, I got there, she did the ph test, not amniotic fluid… WHEW! Just a yeast infection. No big deal, then. Great.

But, just for shits and giggles let’s take the vitals. OK, whatevs, my vitals are perfect for a skinny chick, they are normally CRAZY good for a fat girl. Except today. Today my BP was 150/110. So, let’s wait 10 and take again… 140/111. Mother fucker! There is now talk of admitting me into the hospital. FUCK!

So, I walk my happy ass to L&D making calls as I go “Come home, I’m in the hospital.” & “Cancel my meetings for today.” & “Can’t pick up the C’s, being admitted.” etc… I get there, and the nurse starts trying to run an NST. I’m 21 weeks. It doesn’t work. I freak out because hello, she’s acting like there’s a problem. Then she says “you sure you’re due on 5/10?” (Well, I would have been if that baby hadn’t died…) Uh, no I’m due 9/10. “Oh, you can’t do a NST on a 21 weeker!” (I refrained from strangling her)

Then she started my continuous pressures… 105/64… 103/58… 104/55. Anything look a little odd here? Yeah, they’re SPOT ON F’ing perfect. So, the nurse says “they did your pressure wrong, your arm isn’t shaped so that you can do it on top, there’s nothing wrong with you let me go find a dr.”

She found a doctor, he let me go home.

But, I’m taking this event as my “don’t go counting your chickens just yet” warning. Duly noted. Please don’t send anymore helpful warnings my way…

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The Bedding April 28, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 5:54 pm

Here are actual pics of the bedding. Not washed or ironed, yet. I expect I might start washing things in July or August 🙂

See how cute… Also, please don’t tell my mother. She wanted to buy this stuff, but hello, sale!

Here is the comforter in the bed. Where it will not be when the baby is still a baby. It will be hung on the wall as decoration. But, I couldn’t resist putting it in there, just to see it.

Here’s the completed look from the outside sans comforter. Needs ironed, but still so cute. Really glad we found something that works for both boy or girl but is still really cute.

 

The Fear is Back in Town*

Filed under: Blueberry Bean,Fall Baby,Miscarriage,Pregnant,Spring Baby,The Fear — arminta @ 9:07 am

G surprised me with the bedding set I’ve been eye’ing. So, I had to set it up (sorry no pics the man hogged our laptop last night, so I couldn’t get them off of the camera) just to see what it looks like. Just to see the bed as it will look when MY BABY sleeps in it.

* Here is generic photo of bedding like ours. Will upload actual photo when I have access to my laptop and camera…

Then it hit me.

Bad move Minta… Surely you are tempting fate now. Not quite to viability, not even having had a 20 week anatomy scan, setting up baby beds. Bad Minta! If it all falls apart now you have to fold up precious sheets and bumpers. You will have to take them back to the store and explain that you don’t need them anymore. You’re in too deep. It it all falls apart now there’s a whole room that needs emptied, not just a few photos, books and cards to put away. What are you thinking?!??!?

This would be about the time when the tears started. Because, of course, I should be setting up a nursery safely about now. Spring Baby was due 5/11/10. I should have a baby already sleeping in these cute little sheets. Bean should now be nearly five months old. History is not on our side. History says no baby is coming home.

So, G comes in to find out why I’m crying in the baby room (still not nursery). And I very inelegantly explain the above through snot and tears. To which he says… if the worst should happen, I’ll take it all down and have it all out of the way before you get home from the D&C. He still thinks it’s a little inch long D&C’able babe. He doesn’t realize this baby is nearly a foot long. This babies feet are bigger than Bean’s whole body was when he died. There is no D&C at this point. We are now talking C-section or induction or labor without induction. But no matter, we’re talking delivery. Dead or alive the only way this baby is coming out is delivery.

G is now thoroughly freaked as well. Fuck!

So, yes, I’m being rather morbid. You would think that setting up the bed would make things feel more real and tangible. But in fact, bringing out The Fear and my natural moroseness.

(Baby actually seems to be doing well, heartbeat still rocking out at 150’ish bpm and either hiccuping or kicking the shit out of my bladder today. Have no actual current reason to fear the worst… Fingers crossed and finding wood to knock on now, damn, where’s that G when I need him!)

 

Sugar Doll April 25, 2010

Filed under: Grown Up Slam Books — arminta @ 3:11 pm

Sounds yummy, no?

I have been given an award by my favorite hobbit ever, Mrs. Gamgee!

So, the rules (and there are ALWAYS rules!):  I have to say 10 things about myself then give this award to 10 fellow bloggers. Here we go!

10 Things About Me:

  1. I love to decorate eggs. All year.
  2. I am allergic to eggs.
  3. I have the biggest fan-girl crush on Robert Pattinson. It’s really pathetic.
  4. I have curtains on my windows for the first time in 11 years.
  5. I say I’m going to grow a garden every year, and every year I let 3 or 4 tomato plant languish in a pot instead.
  6. I love onions. I don’t care about their malodorous effects, I love onions!
  7. I always have the ingredients to make cookies on hand. One never knows when an oatmeal scotchie is going to be just the thing.
  8. My gran made awesome oatmeal scotchies and I’m so glad I let her show me her way to make them.
  9. I daydream, a lot. And, I dream (at night) about characters from books as if they’re my friends.
  10. I love it that Little C calls everyone a “bad baby” and that he’s a little odd, like me.

Ok, so onto the blogs!

  1. Potty Mouth Mommy
  2. Krystal
  3. K
  4. Yo-yo Mama
  5. Meg
  6. Jen
  7. Lisa
  8. Lily
  9. Jill
  10. Laine
 

Furniture

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 11:04 am

Specifically, baby furniture. I have some. Not just some.

I have a crib.

A real live actual crib.

It’s even set up. In the “baby room.” We still can’t call it a nursery. Because we are ninny’s.

Here it is (please don’t mind the rugless floors and curtainless windows, it’s a work in progress):

This is where, with any luck at all, my baby will sleep for the next year or so.

This is what I’ll have to take down, should it all go to hell again.

BTW… baby’s heartbeat rocking out at 150 bpm. Yes, I checked before AND after assembling the crib.

AHHHH there’s a crib in my house!

Must now go update Facebook to please the hubs…

 

Week in Review: 20 April 23, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 11:48 am

Sorry, I missed 19 last week. Imagine a cross between 18 and 20 🙂 Also, hello 20!!! Halfway!!!

How far along? 20w0d

Maternity clothes? I’m rocking ’em. But seriously, nothing else fits.

Stretch marks? I’m covered!

Sleep? Getting better. Still peeing a lot.

Best moment this week? Getting congratulations from my PCP who used the same RE as me. She even hugged me.

Worst moment? Firing the old OB. It’s for good reason, but I hate firing people.

Movement? The kicks are getting bigger!

Food cravings? Eww, food. Nothing sounds good right now, least of all meat. Not even really ice cream. (Yeah, this hasn’t changed…)

Gender? Is still a mystery, but 5/3 is supposed to be the day.

What I miss? Right now… nothing. I’m pretty happy with where things are.

What I look forward to: Seeing the OB on 5/3 and HOPEFULLY getting a peek at the baby’s business.

Weekly Wisdom: I’m not wise. Pregnancy melts your brain.

Milestones: Halfway, woot woot!

Emotions: Yeah, I’m still pretty crazy. Easily emotioned, regardless of the actual emotion. Usually, the emotion is zzzzzzzz.

 

Mean Kitty April 19, 2010

Filed under: Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF — arminta @ 8:39 am

Literally, this is about my cat.

My cat that I’ve had for 11 years is gone. No, she’s not dead. My sister gave her away.

What happened? When we moved from the house we were renting from my mother back to our house, Big C asked if Mean Kitty could stay with him. Mean Kitty was happy there and my sister seemed happy to keep care of her, so I said sure.

Now, it’s true that G is not a fan of Mean Kitty, and he was talking about taking her to the no kill shelter to see if another family would want her. I was not arguing with him because I knew that the shelter wasn’t accepting cats at the time and he would give up on the idea anyway. G’s main issue with the cat is the litter box, which we rectified by making her an outdoors cat. Shockingly, Mean Kitty loved this change.

But, Big C wanted her to stay with him and she was happy at that house so Aunt Minta said “Sure” (as she almost nearly always does when Big C asks for something). Things were fine for a couple of weeks. I went over and visited her she was happy, the kids were happy, the sister seemed happy. I made a good choice… or so I thought.

A couple of nights ago my cousin called my sister to let her know that there were a few women in the yard looking at Mean Kitty (who does get a bit manky looking this time of year, which I’m assuming is a shedding/allergy thing?) and debating about “what to do about this apparently ownerless cat.” Yes, there are a bunch of nosey bitches in that neighborhood. Well one of the nosey bitches mentioned her desire to “save” my cat to the guy that cuts the lawn over there, and he passed the message along to my mother and sister.

So, my sister called me and said “Hey this nosey bitch wants Mean Kitty is that allright?” No, that’s not right… She called and said “Would you be OK with me giving your cat to this bitch across the street?” No, that doesn’t seem right either…

I remember now! She didn’t call me at all! Nope, she just told the guy, that if it’ll keep the nosey bitch out of her yard, then she could have the cat.

I would like to know where in the fuck she gets off? On what planet was that her decision to make?

Yeah, so I’m PISSED, and hurt. For crying out loud I had that cat for 11 years. Obviously, I have some attachment to it. Obviously, I care about it.

I want to tell her to march her ass right on over to the cat lady’s house and inform her that she really wasn’t authorized to give my cat away, and get her back and I’ll just bring her here. This is also what Big C wants. (Yet another example of H not thinking of anyone else, not her kids, not her sister…)

This is not what G wants. G says maybe the cat will be happy with this nosey, cat loving bitch who is just f’ing like his mother (who Mean Kitty hates and has attacked not once, but twice (like full on claws breaking skin attacked…), which is another feather in Mean Kitty’s cap). Maybe she’ll adapt and be just fine and the lady will let her out so the kids can play with her (fat chance). But mostly, he’s worried about money. Right now, most of the bring home income comes home on my check. After the baby is born that will no longer be the case. Our goal is for me to be a SAHM. Which means G is responsible for feeding all of the mouths in the house. He is quite worried about feeding us, let alone keeping up with the $100’ish a month that is currently being spent to feed animals (if Mena Kitty is included, $80 for the dogs). So, he would prefer to let the cat go, and assume that she’s happy.

I’m having a REALLY hard time with it, though. She’s my cat. I’ve had her for 11 years. She was there at our first apartment. I got him to agree to getting her in a “special” way. She was there when I lived alone in Columbus and G had moved back to our hometown and I was dying of pneumonia (thankfully he did come back and take care of me and I didn’t die, and we got back together and have stronger marriage now). She was there when Big C learned to crawl and walk. She has sat with me through many happy and sad times.

I really want to be able to feel that G’s right and it’s time to let her go, because a new a far more important life is joining our family.

But, right now… I just want my cat back!