Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Big C is Mad at Me June 4, 2010

Filed under: Big C — arminta @ 11:34 am

For the first time in his life, Big C is preferring other people to me. It hurts.

This is a child who as an infant would not sleep anywhere but my house. As young as 8 weeks old he showed a clear Minta bias.

This is a child who used to scream when leaving my house, or when I left wherever he was. This same child used to give a shit less when his mother left after dropping him off.

This is a child who used to call me EVERY SINGLE DAY after daycare to say “Minta hold you” or “Tell me Moon & Stars” for months after I went back to work and couldn’t watch him all day anymore.

This is a child who, when given the choice, would take me over anyone else (including his Nana, his Mommy and his Uncle G).

He now asks for his mother everyday. He now refuses to speak to me if Uncle G’s in the room. He now has something akin to anger in his voice about 60% of the time when he does speak to me. He now tells his mother he only wants to be at my house when I’m at work and Uncle G is at home. He tells Uncle G that I’m mean. He tells me that I don’t love him anymore.

He’s breaking my heart.

Last night G asked him point blank if he was mad at me because I was having a baby. He said “Ye… no!” So, I told him that no matter how many babies I have, 1 or 8 or 0, I will still love him the same. I will always love him. His reply “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

On the one hand, this pisses me off. I mean seriously, since he was a tiny baby I’ve cared for him while his mother was out having “me time” and “party time.” I’ve never gone more than 10 days without seeing him and usually I see him every other day. Honestly, the situation with Big C is very much like H is his mother, G is his father and I am the step-mom. The step-mom with shared parenting who’s raised him as her own for half of his life. Why is it OK to drop me like a hot fucking potato whenever he wants?

On the other hand, I’m deeply hurt. I’ve poured so much of myself into him and it’s appreciated so little.

And, on a third hand (I’ll have as many hands as I want. My blog, my rules!) I see that this is a normal part of growing up. I know he’s stressed about two babies coming into his life, and he remembers when Little C was born. His mom basically turned on him like a hungry jackal. He went from being allowed to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to not being allowed to do anything, least of all touch the baby! At least then he had a babyfree zone to escape the insanity. This time he won’t. It’ll never be just Big C again (or so I imagine he’s thinking). His last vestige of only childness is running out. On top of all of that, he is growing up, he is preparing for more independence and while his mother rather lets him run wild, I am more protective, which I’m sure he sees as not trusting and holding him back and most definitely UNCOOL.

All told this makes for one very conflicted Minta. I’m often so proud of his achievements and how well he’s growing up. But… at times like these, I really just want my Baby C that loved me back. Maybe I won’t kick him out of my bed this week afterall. Who knows how much longer he’ll want to be there…

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3 Responses to “Big C is Mad at Me”

  1. awwww…. that’s really too bad that Big C is having troubles… I’m sure that with lots of love, and patience (lots and lots and lots) of patience he’ll come around. And once baby is here- just be sure to keep him involved…

    Hang in there- everything will work out I’m sure!!

  2. Jenn Says:

    I’m sure that once the baby comes and he finds out that you really aren’t casting him asside he will be right back to his I ❤ Minta ways.
    Maybe try and involve him in stuff… maybe let him make a decoration for the baby's room? Or let him go pick out an outfit or a toy or something. Make him know that he is important.
    I think it's normal. I know it sucks…. but it's probably normal.

    Hang in there.

  3. arminta Says:

    I know you’re both right. It just kills me. He’s not mad at the baby. He talks to the baby and plays with my belly. It’s just me he won’t talk to or play with 😦

    I’ve been careful to not take him on big shopping sprees when we buy a lot for the baby, and to try to get him something, too, if we do pick up something for the baby while we’re out.


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