Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

The Birthing Plan June 11, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Evacuation Plan — arminta @ 11:08 am

We did the birth center orientation the other night. It was really… real.

I guess even though I’ve thought about “giving the birth” I haven’t REALLY thought about going to the hospital (center is IN the hospital, sweet!), laboring for hours or having bastards with needles poking and prodding my preshus ball of sunshine before he’s a full day old.

Mostly, I’ve just had piddling little fantasies about G rubbing my back whilst I hee-hee-hee haa-haa-haa my way through “contractions” which feel like cramps. Or, my Mom bringing me the perfect temperature washcloth and watermelon chunks on demand while I lay on the couch and say “here comes another one.” I’ve even practiced positions in the hot tub to reach the spot that really hurts on my back now, or to get the most jet action on my ute. Methinks I need to do some more thinking…

You know, about things like:

  • When do we call the people that I do NOT want to see while in agonizing pain (yes, MIL, I do mean YOU)?
  • How do we communicate this plan in advance. How long do I wait before going to the center?
  • Who’s going to park the car?
  • How the fuck am I going to get through all of that pain without liberal use of narcotics?
  • How do I tell my mom to vamoose so G and I can bond for an hour or so with Baby G all by ourselves?
  • Will we even get time all by ourselves, or will there be doctors and nurses sewing up my snatch during my first few minutes with him?
  • What if I don’t feel an instant bond?
  • What if G passes out?
  • How the fuck am I going to get through all of that pain without liberal use of narcotics?
  • Who’s helping my fat ass in and out of the hydrotherapy/birthing tub?
  • What do I wear to labor in?
  • What’s a focus item?
  • I have to choose a pediatrician that practices at my hospital in advance?
  • What did I sign up for?

Obviously, the hospital would like to answer all of my questions plus some for a mere $99.95 usd. I think I’m going to let them!

But all of this has gotten me to thinking beyond the warm and fuzzies and down to the actual brass tax. It got me to realizing that I have to choose what I will wear while giving birth. Blood and goop and grossness will get on those clothes. I guess those kinds of details never really factored into my imaginings of the birthing process. It makes me wonder what other details am I missing?

Please those of you who have given birth or are planning to give birth, share… what was/is your birthing plan? And how did birth compare to it?

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4 Responses to “The Birthing Plan”

  1. jill Says:

    Sorry, never had a birth plan so I have no advice. I just wanted to say that this post is so well written! I loved the imagery at the beginnig of the fantasy labor in contrast with the “OMG” questions in bullets. I have a similar laboring fantasy when I imagine birth, I’m just still in the position of never having to ask the “real” questions. Wishing you lots of luck!

  2. Krystal Says:

    I don’t have a birth plan or anything, but I do work in OB! Here, we like you to wear our gowns so your clothes don’t get all nasty, but I don’t know what your hospital’s policy is. Also, I plan to call people who I don’t want to see DURING labor AFTER the child is born. Also, if you require stitches, they will be stitching you up, cleaning you up and getting the room cleaned up in the minutes following the birth, I’d imagine. My last piece of input: you probably will need to choose a ped who practices there, otherwise they’ll just give you whoever’s on call. If you don’t mind that, then go ahead and just go with whoever, but be full aware that someone else will probably have to see him while he’s in the hospital.

  3. jenn Says:

    Thank you for that. Those are the questions I’m thinking over too.

    * I think I’m going to call those people ( MIL) after we are at the hospital. Also The Hospital only lets X # of people in to the room… so gee sorry your out of luck… we’ll send someone out to get you when the baby is out… er… after the baby has been out for a little while.

    * I’m not really sure about the whole how long thing… I’ve heard until the contractions are 5 mins apart…but ummm… I’m less then a mile away from it so theres that to think about.

    * Hub or mom or some one will park the car… really I promise you wont care.

    * I have no idea how or why people do this with out the drugs. Infact can I have them a week in advance… cause pain and I… NOT FRIENDS.

    * If you find an answer to the mom one let me know cause i think thats where I’m going to have issues too… maybe I can send mom out to tell every one… then maybe lock the door?

    * I think Hub may pass out too. He hates blood… that’s why my mom is coming too… lol

    * I’m going to wear the gown durring labor… cause I don’t want my stuff all covered in nasty. But after I can get cleaned up you bet I’m going to be in something comphy and not ass bareing like the gown.

    * I have no idea what the point of a focus item is.

    * I have no idea how to go about picking a pedi for the baby, esp since my insurace wont cover anything till after the baby is out. Also, when do we need to find one? I mean yes before baby is here but like now, or can I wait a month?

    Who knew getting what you wanted would be so damn hard and there would be so many choices to make before the baby is even out. *Sigh*

  4. My first child the birth plan was: Give me epidural *grunt*

    My second child, the birth plan was a carefully thought out, down to the very minutest detail and printed out in triplicate so that the nursing staff, my OB and my husband all could have copies. Um… yeah- that went TOTALLY down the toilet when I delivered at 23 weeks.

    This time, I’m a lot more laid back. I have a general plan, I know my options for pain management should they become necessary (no one is EVER coming near my spine with a needle again!!!) I know the general policy of the hospital I’ll be giving birth at, what the “usual” proceedings are etc…

    I most likely will birth in the gown I’m given- it just makes things easier for me, however I purchased a couple of cheap nighties that button down the front to wear afterwards. I chose nightgowns over pants because people WILL be coming in to check the lady parts throughout the day after delivering, and it just makes for easier access. The button-down gives better access for breastfeeding.

    Call people as you see fit. If you don’t want to call people until you are done, and baby is here (that’s my plan) then that is YOUR decision- if people are pissy about it, remind them that you didn’t have to call them at all….

    As for how long to birth at home, your midwife/ OB should tell you that. And just in case- add it to a list of questions you have for your practitioner.

    The mom question is a difficult one for me- I insisted with my daughter that it be just me and her father. I also insisted on the same this time. I tend to be a hormonal cranky beotch in labour and like to be left alone and have things very quiet. I also requested to all my friends and family to NOT visit me in the hospital. I need my rest, and baby and I and daddy need time to adjust. If you need help reinforcing this- ask the birthing center staff to intervene. They know how important it is for you to get proper rest after labouring- it’s hard work yo! And your company does NOT take priority. YOU DO!!

    It’s a good idea to have your wants and wishes typed/written out and advise the staff of them. Talk to your practitioner- they may have some good suggestions and they will most definitely be able to set your mind at ease.

    PS- you will probably be holding your baby while they are sewing up your snatch, and if you want, you can even breastfeed during that time… chances are, with baby in your arms, you aren’t even going to notice other people in the room, including your husband!!


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