Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Week in Review 34 + Some… July 30, 2010

How far along? 34w0d

Maternity clothes? No change in this department. Have decided am too cheap to buy more, so am just doing more laundry.

Body Oddities? Other than the weight loss, odd hair growth patterns, odd hair growth rate, loose flappy skin and constant water retention making neat-o designs in my legs from the sheets? Well, there is the new skin tags developing on “the girls” more specifically the girls “center.” And also, the almighty leakage. I literally woke up in a puddle of breast milk(?) this morning.

Sleep? Even though I was only up to pee twice last night, still was wide awake from 2a-3a and back up for the day around 6a and couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight, so let’s just sum up as “no sleep til Christmas”

Best moment this week? Girl talk lunch with P. We got pizza and locked ourselves in the conference room!

Worst moment? Learning that 30 minutes is pretty much my limit for shopping these days. I ran into a client whilst tying to get out to my car whilst having some sort of “attack” whilst shopping this weekend. It was scary, and also embarrassing… “Hello client, sorry I can’t speak to you, or meet your family am currently experiencing non-stop contractions, that HURT, back breaking back pain, swollen hands and can you see my heart beating? because it feels like you should be able to see it…”

Movement? He feels a little cramped. Like he’s trying to move, but can’t really do much

Food cravings? Chocolate milk

Rings? Alternatively loose and tight with the water retention, but still slides off easily

Intense Dreams? I can’t remember any of them this week.

Medical Concerns? According to DW, we’re not concerned right now…

What I miss? Sleep, dear goodness I miss sleep.

What I look forward to: Does this have to be about the baby, because right now, I’m kind of psyched that the Bengals might really be Super Bowl contenders. Oh, my, to finally have our baby and have our team win the championship in the same year? As G says “we’ll have to have a suicide pact or something, because I just see things getting any better than that” (of course he is joking, but we really do take our football pretty seriously…). OK, seriously, I am looking forward to my work baby shower next week, and to folding and putting away all of those baby clothes I washed last week.

Emotional State? I’m kind of grumpy this week, we’ve had some drama and it’s taking it’s toll on me a bit…


Other Stuff:

The Dogs: are pretty much locked in the kitchen unless we’re home & awake. The pug seems to have fleas. I really don’t feel like dealing with this right now. Also, G is on a kick to prove to me that Waldo is fine. As if I WANT to put him down. His main concern is me hitting postpartum depression (the one post -baby health concern he has read up on) and mourning the loss of Waldo at the same time. But, it’s not like I WANT to put Waldo down, I just want to be sure we are doing what’s best for him and he’s not doing great.

The Fam Part 1: Mother has convinced me to throw a shower for the sister. I shouldn’t word it like that… I want to do that (I’ve tried two other times, but shit has happened, as it sometimes does), but so close to mine? Oy vey! But, Little C has been going into Baby G’s room and looking at the empty gift bags and calling them Baby C’s presents and he’s right, Baby C deserves presents and a celebration, too. But, I’m kind of stressing because now, my August is BOOKED. I have no free Saturdays, two free Sundays and may have a baby at any time in there.

The Fam Part 2: All hell has broken loose between G’s brother and his baby mama. Very long story short… Aunt C has been noticing that H has been acting funny during diaper changes and baths. She was concerned that she had an infection that caused her girl bits to hurt. Then last week H started saying her 8 year old cousins name while refusing to allow anyone to change her diaper or wash her bits in the bath. This, naturally, concerned all involved. At this point they decided the best course of action was to rush her to the hospital (fyi, I disagree with that particular course of action), which resulted in a nurse calling the baby mama (they are friends, it was a HIPPA violation), which resulted in a slew of redneck, white trash bitches (I don’t like J or her family) descending upon the Children’s hospital making a scene. J has not allowed our family to see H since. So Little Brother is FINALLY filing for a proper custody agreement, which he hadn’t been doing because of child support, but has FINALLY seen the light on. And now we are having meetings with CPS and H is seeing a psychologist and all hell has broken loose. My take: I don’t know if H was touched inappropriately, and if she was both she and the 8 year old need to be treated and helped. 8 year old’s don’t get that idea on their own, so he also needs help and it isn’t his fault. But… there had to be a lower drama way to handle the situation that wouldn’t be so stressful on everyone, ESPECIALLY H. Also, Little Brother should have been paying child support and maintaining a PROPER custody agreement from DAY 1.

The Fam Part 3: Remember how I was talking about G’s cousin having some marital issues and G’s mother getting overly involved at a funeral? I did… Quick recap: In April G’s cousin and his wife reconciled after a 1 year separation which was caused by her being unfaithful. They have been together and all has been seemingly well until yesterday, when G and his mother decided to have lunch together at G’s favorite chain steakhouse. Where they saw the cousin-in-law and her boyfriend. In an ultimate twist of irony, they didn’t see her until after G had spent 15 minutes telling his mother how pissed I was at her for begging me to have a July 4th party then not showing (or calling) and then not showing (or calling) for my shower either, after I defended her to the family. G is pretty sure that she heard him. Obviously, G’s mother intends to tell and tell big. But, G wants left out of it. I’d kind of like to see her busted, because I’m pissed at her, but like G I’m not wanting to be involved in their drama. And… she did give me a crib.

Work: Let’s put it this way, I won’t be getting paid on-time, AGAIN. After the passive aggressive game playing of last pay period. Plus, my boss is better at everyone else’s jobs than they are, so there’s no need to even show up to meetings and provide input, it won’t used. Sofa King Done!


Where is #4? July 26, 2010

Filed under: Grown Up Slam Books — arminta @ 6:43 pm
I stole this from Jill 🙂 I figured I’d keep her title ’cause she stole it from someone else and kept it and honestly, I’m just not feeling too creative this evening. If anyone would like to steal it from me, feel free. Tell me in the comments if you do so I can read your answers.

1) If you could live in any country but the USA, where would you live?
Yikes, that’s a hard one. I’m thinking somewhere tropical… Maybe the Domincan Republic or somewhere along those lines. Honestly, while I’ve vacationed in other countries, I’m not sure I’d want to make a lifelong commitment to another country without trying it out first. That or I’d go somewhere where I have family/roots. Which would be Scotland or Wales. But they are so cold. I am seeing an island theme here…

2) Why did you title your blog “Life, Family and the Pursuit of Sanity”?

Really, is that not obvious? It’s because I blog about my life, my family and attempting to find some sanity in it all. The pug and the family are the most insane of my topics, but of course IF throws a wrench in the sanity plan from time to time, too.
3) How many “in real life” people know about your blog?
My family is aware of it, but doesn’t have the address. My hubs reads it on occasion. I have two other friends who know about it and have the address, I don’t think either of them read it though. I pissed one of them off on here whilst dealing with the loss of Spring Baby and while I didn’t move I don’t think she came back to reading.

5) What kind of clothes do you wear?
Casual. Super casual. I wore khaki shorts and a t-shirt to work today. I used to dress better, but honestly, fat + pregnant = most days. I need to get back on the giving a shit wagon after Baby G is here.

6) What are you having for dinner tonight?
Morrocan Rub Pork Chops with Chickpeas & Greens

I either menu plan obsessively, or not at all. Depending on the week I’m either cooking a gourmet meal, swinging through the grocery with the C’s to pick up something QUICK or we eat out every night. This week I planned and G shopped.
7) Where do you “blog”?
At work or in my living room. Just depends on my mood.
8) Do you like to cook?
My major in college was culinary arts. I LOVE to cook. If it weren’t for the GD RA I’d be a pastry chef right now instead of a programmer. But alas, I hurt myself one too many times because of inflamed joints and changed my course to something safe. But, yes, I love to cook and bake and make new recipes and create garnishes from stuff in the fridge and impress G and Big C with my mad watermelon carving skills. I would LOVE to be able to do cakes again. Maybe after the baby’s born I will…

9) What’s your beverage of choice at night?
I started to say water, but really it’s MILK. I love MILK. Sometimes, I have to admit that I do drink it straight from the jug standing in front of the fridge. If we don’t have milk, then I drink water, but if there’s milk, that’s usually what I drink.

10) What would you most like to know about your fellow bloggers who read this?

Everything. I want to know WHO is reading this.

… and Familiarity Breeds Contempt July 24, 2010

Filed under: Big C — arminta @ 11:38 pm

We knew the peace with Big C couldn’t last long, and it didn’t. Today we experienced a little fan/shit collision. Only for once, it wasn’t only directed at me.

Of course this is good and bad. Because, while I was feeling a little sorry for myself that a six year old didn’t like me… Uncle G busts his ass for that kid. I’m really not kidding when I say the situation is more like H and G are his parents. Big C is “G’s boy.” Not biologically, but in the ways that count. (Although, tangent… we did get a comment this morning about how much Big C favors G and how much he must love being outside because he’s so tan! Honestly, people? He’s surely not the first biracial kid they’ve ever encountered…) So, while it’s nice to be able to share the shitty attitude, it really pisses me off when he gives G a hard time, because G does WAY more fun stuff with him.

The bottom line, this kid is spoiled. If he doesn’t get what he wants, when he wants it a string of complaints and insults follows. That’s basically what happened today. We went out for breakfast, but the breakfast place was crowded, so we went to lunch. He was given the choice between a restaurant we all like and one that he loves, G like and I think is OK. He chose his favorite. Which is fine, he was given the choice. Then we had to go return some baby clothes because I just don’t think we’re going to need newborn sized clothes, so we went to Target. I tried on some maternity clothes (more on this to come, but, e-f’ing-gads I really have lost weight!) while the boys looked at toys. They came over for a fashion show (i.e. watch me waddle out in two dresses that were awesome on the rack but just made me look like a well, fat pregnant lady), gave their opinions and were supposed to be heading on to look at something else while I looked at nursing bras. But, when I came out of the changing room, Big C was standing around looking upset.

Turns out he and Uncle G managed to get into a fight while I was changing. The gist of it was C was ready to leave, G told him we had more shopping to do and C said he was never coming to our house again and that we were mean. At this point Uncle G took the toy, told him he wasn’t being good enough to get a reward and continued on to whatever he was going to look at. When I asked Big C if he had apologized he said “No, because it won’t work.” Meaning, he wasn’t apologizing unless he could get his toy. Obviously, Uncle G was angry at his behavior and also hurt. So, he called H and told her C was ready to be picked up.

Honestly, I get spoken to worse than that on a daily basis by this kid. Everyday I experience eye rolling, and “whatever” and a general assortment of disrespect combined with plain ol’ fashioned spoiled self centeredness. Uncle G doesn’t get this kind of treatment, so he took it a bit harder than I do. But, it was also the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. So, I told him he was being a spoiled jerk, and I didn’t care to spend more time than was necessary with him today. Which meant he lost out on going swimming with Uncle G (probably for the whole summer, because G isn’t a swimmer like I am). I also told him that since he doesn’t appreciate the special things we do (like taking him to a restaurant for an after-camp snack 2-3 times a week, and taking him swimming 2-3 times a week), he would be grounded next week after camp. He will come home, he will stay in the yard or in the house, no video games, until his mother picks him up. He will go home with her every night this week (I normally let him stay 1-2 week nights), and he will not be allowed to spend the night next weekend.

Of course, after I laid that down, G asked him what he was thinking and if he had anything to say and he started bawling. But, he didn’t say anything. So, Gar did get in the back seat with him and tell him that he needed to think about his attitude and they would talk about it next week. He actually handled it very well, which I was still too angry to do.

Two steps forward, three steps back…


Week in Review 33 July 23, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 10:23 am

How far along? 33w0d

Maternity clothes? Here’s an interesting story… My belly is quite hard, because it’s full of the baby. My ass slid off and narrowed quite a bit (I mean, I’m still a fatty-fatty-fatass, but not a fatty-fatty-fatty-fatass anymore). This means that my 3x maternity bottoms are… too big. BUT my regular bottoms don’t fit, either. As I’m looking at literally less than 6 weeks to go, I feel a bit silly buying smaller maternity clothes.

Body Oddities? It appears that everything except water now gives me the gas.

Sleep? I either sleep like the dead or like a baby (and yes I DO mean up every hour to pee and/or eat and making a lot of noise in between)

Best moment this week? Having an impromptu date with G and giggling like a dating couple at the table over a joke.

Worst moment? Yeah, that would have to be farting in my hubs’ face while we were trying to “get fresh” for the first time in like 2 weeks. I was so embarrassed that I went in the bathroom and cried. (After recovering from my meltdown we did end up getting it on, though… twice!)

Movement? Less, but bigger? He’s not bopping around as much anymore, but he’s making more large dramatic movements. And I can feel very clearly when he has the hiccups now. G got to feel hiccups this week, too.

Food cravings? Chocolate, peanut butter, BD’s Mongolian Grill!!!!! (esp the chili garlic sauce!!!!), watermelon, coke, iced tea, milk, chocolate milk, Spicy Garlic wings from BW3’s… Did I mention I got my appetite back this week?

Rings? Alternatively loose and tight with the water retention, but still slides off easily

Intense Dreams? I have had some crazies this week. I had a very realistic one where I met up with a bunch of people from high school and was feeling really left out and like I didn’t really belong and they all started telling me stories about all the stuff I did with them at school and reminded me that I actually was pretty popular and involved. It was really funny. I woke up and told G about it, and I was telling him about it and telling him the stories that they told me and he kept asking “is that true?” and “did you really do that” and “where was I”? Yes, I really did start a mud fight at the powder puff soccer game, I really did paint a homecoming float, I really did vomit blue Hawaiian Punch all over the main hallway in front of my locker and onto someone else’s books and shoes, I really did sing over a mic’d lead during musical practice once because the director was bitching that “the chorus cannot be heard!”, and I really did forget about it all until this morning. It occurs to me that even though I’ve always felt like an outsider… these people always probably just considered me one of their friends (and by the way we all talk on Facebook, now, they probably still do).

Medical Concerns? Contractions are sometimes getting a little intense.

What I miss? Sleep, dear goodness I miss sleep.

What I look forward to: Honestly, though I do love summer’s heat and carefree feeling… I am so looking forward to the fall. I am craving crisp fall afternoons walking Baby G in his stroller and Sundays full of chili and football (Who Dey, bitches!) and my boys. We have to buy new jerseys this year. Little C is big enough for Big C’s old Palmer jersey, but someone had a Houshmanzadeh (traitorous punk!) last year and that MUST be replaced (as must the Henry jersey, unfortunately), and Big C just needs a new one because he’s so big. Plus, Baby G needs one and I’m thinking Littlest C should probably have one, too. Yes, we are football fans. Yes, I am genuinely this excited about watching my team get their asses kicked (please, not again this year… you guys are better than this!!!) with a big bowl of chili and my peeps. I am truly excited to take Baby G to Uncle P’s house and play with him while shouting Who Dey!!! This is what I’ve been waiting so long for, and it’s so close. Now I’m crying.

Emotional State? I’ve been waxing a wee bit sentimental this week, in case you couldn’t tell. Thinking back on high school friends and getting teary eyed over football games with the baby. Gee whiz, I need to quit being such a pussy! I also need to quit saying stuff like that before it rubs off on the boys and Baby G. I’d certainly hate to hear of Big C socking some kid in the eye, then calling him a pussy for crying (though, honestly, other than the explicative… if the kid deserved it, I’d probably be a little proud, which is probably why I’m having the boy, because let’s face it, I am better with boys…).


Contrary Thoughts with Little C

Filed under: Little C — arminta @ 9:43 am

In my life there is a three year old. He is the most contrary child ever born. Sometimes it’s maddening. Other times, adorable. Usually I think it’s both. Both are happening at the same time.

Here is a clip of our conversation when I picked him up from the babysitter yesterday:

Little C (with arms crossed and surly expression): I don’t want a skwimmin’ lesson.

Aunt Minta: That’s good, because skwimmin’ lessons are over.

Little C (with arms crossed and surly expression): I want to go to your house.

Aunt Minta: That’s good, because that’s where we’re headed.

Little C (looking confused, but convinced I will say no this time!): I want to get in the hot tub at your house.

Aunt Minta: Great! I need to poop, you can get in the hot tub while I poop.

Little C (with arms crossed and surly expression): You don’t need to poop!

The child will find a reason to disagree with you and be mad. Logic be damned!


Apparently I am Moron, Here Me Roar July 22, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Evacuation Plan — arminta @ 1:48 pm

I have apparently made a mistake by talking about my birth plan with people in real life.

** Please note: I am NOT talking about bloggers sharing/ruminating on their birth experiences on their blog. That is their space for sharing such information and I respect that, as well as appreciate the information shared. I am not talking about people in real life sharing their birth experience for what it was. I am talking about people upon hearing my birth plan telling me how naive/wrong/stupid I am because “duh, childbirth is painful” then proceed to back up their statement with a story about how awful giving birth was**

Here’s the thing… I get it. Giving birth is different for everyone. But you can count on one thing, getting the baby out will take some amount of hard work and pain. Regardless of vaginal or c-section, natural or medicated, water or dry land a relatively large object must come out of a relatively small space, and whether it hurts now or later, it’s going to hurt. Whether the hard work is pushing now, or dealing with a newborn and a c-section incision, there’s going to be hard work involved.

Also, I get that every woman’s labor is different, and no matter “the plan” when the time comes, if something happens and baby needs out now… BABY NEEDS OUT NOW, fuck the plan! You have to go in with an idea of what you think you’d like, but you also have to be able to roll with the punches. Because: there will be punches.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard for other women to accept these facts. Accept that they aren’t the only ones who know them. And, support other womens plans. Before they had given birth, did they not realize these truths? Before they had given birth, did they think it was going to be painfree and effortless? No? THEN WHY WOULD I?

I’m not an idiot. I’ve studied up on the subject for oh, like 10 fucking years. Mind you, only seriously for the last couple of months. But, still, point is I didn’t just wake up and think, oh hey, yeah, let’s throw out modern medicine… I am making a conscious choice based on the data at my disposal. I’m aware of the horror stories. Made this choice anyway. That should tell you something.

Unfortunately what it seems to tell them is that somehow because I’ve chosen a different path, I’ve invalidated their path. Which is bonkers, by the way. I will invalidate your choice to use crack for pain management during labor because: IS BAD FOR YOU & BABY. But, if you take the same data and come to a different decision than me re: an epidural… it just means we made different choices. I don’t think less of you because you chose an epidural, or a traditional hospital birth. I don’t think less of you because you wanted the baby to go to the nursery so you could rest. I don’t think less of you for any choice you made. I think less of you for judging and internalizing my choices, that have jack shit to do with you.

For the record my birth plan:

Get Baby G out with as few interventions/drugs as possible. Keep atmosphere as calm and quiet as possible while getting him out. Use relaxation and hydrotherapy for pain management, am currently practicing these methods (G calls it reading in the hot tub, I call it practicing, tomatoes, tomahtoes (that is what’s known as a joke, am actually practicing hypnobirthing exercises nightly)). Goal is alive, healthy, alert baby (in that order). Any means necessary to achieve alive baby will be employed should they prove necessary.

This does not seem the radical plan of the uneducated to me.


Ergh July 21, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 10:30 am

Yeah, I’m feeling a little “unfocused” today. As in, how can it only be 10:23am, it should be at least 5pm, so I can go home and do nothing because OMG AMTIRED. As I’m sure I’ve never mentioned before, sleeping isn’t going so well. This is now catching up to me and kicking my ass. Here is what I’m thinking about right now…

– There is a silver hair on shirt… it fell out of my head. I don’t want to go silver before the Baby G is like in the third or fourth grade. Wow, I’m assuming he’s going to make it to the third or fourth grade. YAWN. Go me, master of hope!

– Why doesn’t energy regenerate instantly on Frontierville? I’d so rather be playing Facebook games than attempting to look like I’m working. Speaking of, maybe I should try actually YAWN working? Fuck that… too tired.

– What do I put for preferred religion on my pre-registration forms? G was of no use when I asked him. I don’t want to put YAWN put none, but as I’m not exactly speaking to God at the moment…

– zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

– also, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

G’night everybody.

(am the boring, sorry…)