Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Apparently I am Moron, Here Me Roar July 22, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Evacuation Plan — arminta @ 1:48 pm

I have apparently made a mistake by talking about my birth plan with people in real life.

** Please note: I am NOT talking about bloggers sharing/ruminating on their birth experiences on their blog. That is their space for sharing such information and I respect that, as well as appreciate the information shared. I am not talking about people in real life sharing their birth experience for what it was. I am talking about people upon hearing my birth plan telling me how naive/wrong/stupid I am because “duh, childbirth is painful” then proceed to back up their statement with a story about how awful giving birth was**

Here’s the thing… I get it. Giving birth is different for everyone. But you can count on one thing, getting the baby out will take some amount of hard work and pain. Regardless of vaginal or c-section, natural or medicated, water or dry land a relatively large object must come out of a relatively small space, and whether it hurts now or later, it’s going to hurt. Whether the hard work is pushing now, or dealing with a newborn and a c-section incision, there’s going to be hard work involved.

Also, I get that every woman’s labor is different, and no matter “the plan” when the time comes, if something happens and baby needs out now… BABY NEEDS OUT NOW, fuck the plan! You have to go in with an idea of what you think you’d like, but you also have to be able to roll with the punches. Because: there will be punches.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard for other women to accept these facts. Accept that they aren’t the only ones who know them. And, support other womens plans. Before they had given birth, did they not realize these truths? Before they had given birth, did they think it was going to be painfree and effortless? No? THEN WHY WOULD I?

I’m not an idiot. I’ve studied up on the subject for oh, like 10 fucking years. Mind you, only seriously for the last couple of months. But, still, point is I didn’t just wake up and think, oh hey, yeah, let’s throw out modern medicine… I am making a conscious choice based on the data at my disposal. I’m aware of the horror stories. Made this choice anyway. That should tell you something.

Unfortunately what it seems to tell them is that somehow because I’ve chosen a different path, I’ve invalidated their path. Which is bonkers, by the way. I will invalidate your choice to use crack for pain management during labor because: IS BAD FOR YOU & BABY. But, if you take the same data and come to a different decision than me re: an epidural… it just means we made different choices. I don’t think less of you because you chose an epidural, or a traditional hospital birth. I don’t think less of you because you wanted the baby to go to the nursery so you could rest. I don’t think less of you for any choice you made. I think less of you for judging and internalizing my choices, that have jack shit to do with you.

For the record my birth plan:

Get Baby G out with as few interventions/drugs as possible. Keep atmosphere as calm and quiet as possible while getting him out. Use relaxation and hydrotherapy for pain management, am currently practicing these methods (G calls it reading in the hot tub, I call it practicing, tomatoes, tomahtoes (that is what’s known as a joke, am actually practicing hypnobirthing exercises nightly)). Goal is alive, healthy, alert baby (in that order). Any means necessary to achieve alive baby will be employed should they prove necessary.

This does not seem the radical plan of the uneducated to me.

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6 Responses to “Apparently I am Moron, Here Me Roar”

  1. jill Says:

    This post so means you are NOT a moron! And oh how I can empathize and I’ve never even been pregnant. My birth plan would be very similar to yours and anyone I tell it to (if birth comes up for some reason) totally cuts me down. “Oh no, you want the epidural, BELIEVE ME.” “I was born by c-section and I’m fine!” (yeah, so was I and I’m totally not saying c’s turn babies into mutants or something… yeesh.) I can’t even imagine how much worse it is when you are actually pregnant. Your plan sounds wonderful and educated and well thought-out to me. Sending you support to deal with all the negative nancys!

  2. jenn Says:

    First… Thanks for the comment the other day. I needed to hear it! : )

    Second… I have no idea what is with people sticking their noses in personal choices like birth plans. I had a strange old polish lady occost me and threaten me with stiches because I was going to wait and see if I can deal with the pain rather than order me up that epi right now. ( For the record… I have no idea what stiches have to do with if you get the epi or not… but she felt strongly enough to yell that at me across the baby department at the walmart…. ) Let it all roll off your shoulders. You are making the right choices for you and baby G and you are aware there are punches to be rolled with… and to me that is the best thing you can do. *Hug* also screw those people… its not currently happening to them. 😛

  3. Sounds like an AWESOME plan to me!! Maybe because that’s more or less what my plan was… key word being WAS…

    I managed to avoid the epidural (go me!) but did have drugs- that syntocin shit is of the DEVIL!!!

    I hope you have the perfect birth for you and wish you the best of luck!

    • arminta Says:

      I’m so happy for you and your PottyMouthBaby! Yes, I think if an induction happens, drugs will be necessary, it’s one of those punches that must be rolled with… Also, I can’t believe you’ve managed to tear yourself away from that precious baby long enough to comment!

  4. Mrs. Gamgee Says:

    I’m with you… just from a different angle. I haven’t been shy about telling people that I will most likely have the drugs. I know my body, my level of pain tolerance, and my physical abilities. I have done the reading and have decided that for me, an epidural is the way to go. Very few people seem to understand that I have given this a lot of thought and weighed the options. They like to give me exaggerated stories of what happens when the epi goes wrong, how the baby will suffer, and how really, don’t I want to just feel like a real woman and go with a natural drug free birth? My goal is a healthy baby… by whatever means necessary. People just need to keep their assvice to themselves sometimes.

    • Minta Says:

      Exactly! You know your body and your goals and are educated on the options, good for you for making the decision that best fits you!!! It’s ridiculous that anyone should try to persuade you to a plan that doesn’t work for you.

      (Also, I’ll be looking forward to hearing your birth story in a few weeks (OK, honestly, I have no idea what your week count is, I just remember “a few days after Harry”)… I’d like to hear how it goes with drugs being in the plan from the beginning.)


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