I have apparently made a mistake by talking about my birth plan with people in real life.
** Please note: I am NOT talking about bloggers sharing/ruminating on their birth experiences on their blog. That is their space for sharing such information and I respect that, as well as appreciate the information shared. I am not talking about people in real life sharing their birth experience for what it was. I am talking about people upon hearing my birth plan telling me how naive/wrong/stupid I am because “duh, childbirth is painful” then proceed to back up their statement with a story about how awful giving birth was**
Here’s the thing… I get it. Giving birth is different for everyone. But you can count on one thing, getting the baby out will take some amount of hard work and pain. Regardless of vaginal or c-section, natural or medicated, water or dry land a relatively large object must come out of a relatively small space, and whether it hurts now or later, it’s going to hurt. Whether the hard work is pushing now, or dealing with a newborn and a c-section incision, there’s going to be hard work involved.
Also, I get that every woman’s labor is different, and no matter “the plan” when the time comes, if something happens and baby needs out now… BABY NEEDS OUT NOW, fuck the plan! You have to go in with an idea of what you think you’d like, but you also have to be able to roll with the punches. Because: there will be punches.
I don’t understand why it’s so hard for other women to accept these facts. Accept that they aren’t the only ones who know them. And, support other womens plans. Before they had given birth, did they not realize these truths? Before they had given birth, did they think it was going to be painfree and effortless? No? THEN WHY WOULD I?
I’m not an idiot. I’ve studied up on the subject for oh, like 10 fucking years. Mind you, only seriously for the last couple of months. But, still, point is I didn’t just wake up and think, oh hey, yeah, let’s throw out modern medicine… I am making a conscious choice based on the data at my disposal. I’m aware of the horror stories. Made this choice anyway. That should tell you something.
Unfortunately what it seems to tell them is that somehow because I’ve chosen a different path, I’ve invalidated their path. Which is bonkers, by the way. I will invalidate your choice to use crack for pain management during labor because: IS BAD FOR YOU & BABY. But, if you take the same data and come to a different decision than me re: an epidural… it just means we made different choices. I don’t think less of you because you chose an epidural, or a traditional hospital birth. I don’t think less of you because you wanted the baby to go to the nursery so you could rest. I don’t think less of you for any choice you made. I think less of you for judging and internalizing my choices, that have jack shit to do with you.
For the record my birth plan:
Get Baby G out with as few interventions/drugs as possible. Keep atmosphere as calm and quiet as possible while getting him out. Use relaxation and hydrotherapy for pain management, am currently practicing these methods (G calls it reading in the hot tub, I call it practicing, tomatoes, tomahtoes (that is what’s known as a joke, am actually practicing hypnobirthing exercises nightly)). Goal is alive, healthy, alert baby (in that order). Any means necessary to achieve alive baby will be employed should they prove necessary.
This does not seem the radical plan of the uneducated to me.