Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Birthing Class August 3, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Evacuation Plan — arminta @ 9:31 am

Last night was our first birthing class. It went really well. We were earlier than most of the other couples (which is kind of rare for us). We were a bit nervous and all of the other couples were younger than us. Some of them were a lot younger. Most were around 25’ish.

So, the leader started with some basic info about how we should be taking 3-5 questions to each OB appointment and how we should be eating 75-100 grams of protein a day (which gained me auto-glares from G, until I reminded him that I get nearly that much protein in milk alone everyday) and how we should be drinking plenty of water (again with the glares, and again with my reminding him that I drink about half a gallon of water and half a gallon of milk everyday which is well within my liquid quota). After she moved off of nutrition she moved on to signs for when to call your doctor.

And then things got hairy.

She asked us to start saying reasons we should call our OB. You know: gush/trickle of fluid, bright red bleeding, cramping, back pain that comes and goes, hip pain that comes and goes, thigh pain that comes and goes (apparently these lucky ladies don’t get the knee to boobs cramps that some of us are blessed cursed with), excessive swelling, headache that isn’t made better with Tylenol and rest, visual disturbances. You know, any signs of pre-ecclampsia, hypertension or pre-term labor. G immediately recognized my little episodes amongst the reasons to call the doctor. And became pissed. Not at me, but at the two doctors who have essentially been blowing me off for a month when I tell them “yeah in the last week I felt pretty acute hypertension symptoms when I wasn’t sitting on my ass, so I been sitting on my ass a lot.” He is now decided to call the OB immediately on my next episode.

He actually wanted to leave the class to take me up to L&D right then. But, I had to remind him there was nothing wrong with me right then…

So, then we all went to go pee.

Then we watched a video. A very graphic video. Mind you, I was prepared. I have been watching hypnobirthing video’s. G has *ahem* not. He was a little freaked by the level of stretch one cooter could achieve. At crowning the voice over chic said “crowning may cause feelings of stretching or burning in the birthing mother” to which I said “no, shit” and G giggled. Because we’re the bad kids.

Then she turned it off when the placenta was coming 😦 Nobody else wanted to see it. I personally am very interested in the magical disposable organ.

Next week we sit on bean bag chairs and get touchy feely. Homework is to bring a “massage tool” to class. I don’t think a vibrator counts.


11 Responses to “Birthing Class”

  1. jill Says:

    Haha! “He was a little freaked by the level of stretch one cooter could achieve.” Best. Line. Ever.

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud on this dreary Tuesday morning 🙂

    I’m glad your husband wants to advocate for you. I hope you find a doctor who takes your symptoms more seriously.

    • arminta Says:

      So glad to be of service 🙂

      Yes, he’s all over this PIH business now. I have the feeling he’ll be calling every night. I’m sure part of the reason they don’t take me as seriously is because I say things so matter of factly and not at all freaked out. But, after dealing with loss and having a wonky body so long, I just don’t get freaked out. But, G does, so maybe they’ll listen to him.

  2. Krystal Says:

    Ha! This post cracked me up! (And, believe me, you’re not missing anything by not watching the placenta come out! ugh!)

  3. *gigglesnort*

    As soon as you said “massage tool” I was like- oooh!! You get to bring a vibrator!!! That would be an AWESOME excuse to buy a new shiny one!! 😛

    That’s awesome that your husband is ready to go all gung-ho on the doc! I hope he can get some better care for you and your symptoms!!

  4. Mrs. Gamgee Says:

    Ok, so somehow I have managed to miss a whole lot of your world in the last few days!

    I would be harassing your doc regularly with all those PIH symptoms you’ve got going on. It’s not right, and if you need to be on some meds or bed rest (officially) then it needs to be done now. Praying that they start listening and that you start feeling better!

  5. Mrs. Gamgee Says:

    PS – this post was really funny… I can’t wait for my Beloved to watch those videos and stuff. He’s gonna lose it.

    The massage tool totally made me think vibrator right away too… (2nd tri sex fixation. At least that’s what I’m blaming 😉 )

    I’ve seen a placenta once, back when I was in high school and my ‘family development’ class did a tour of the maternity ward at our hospital. Three girls passed out when they saw it… icky but fascinating.

    • arminta Says:

      So glad I’m not the only perv who immediately thought of a vibrator!

      I haven’t actually seen one, but they just sound like magic. It’s the only time your body makes an organ then dumps it when it’s all done. IDK, I’m kind of fascinated by them.

  6. jenn Says:

    HAHA! Sad that a vibrator doesn’t count. LOL…

    Seriously though if your feeling those high BP symptoms make sure they take you seriously. CAuse trust me you don’t wanna go here… its not fun… infact… Suck… yup that about sums it up… SUCK…

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