Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

A Sad Kind of Weekend October 30, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,Big C,The Pug — arminta @ 11:05 pm

As you all know I’ve been railing on about needing to find a better home for my pug for some time now. Which makes the events of Friday night all the more sad. My puggins was hit by a car. She did not make it. G buried her near our wooded hill. I feel terrible. For all of my frustrations with her, I did love her and will miss her. I had been dragging my feet on finding her another home because I’d miss her, but if I had found her a home, she may still be alive today. Again, I feel awful. Big C is quite upset as well. We’re all pretty upset.

 

In much less depressing, but still sad to me, other news… no trick or treating for us 😦 G thought it was too cold and Baby G thought “wwaaaaahhhhh” out loud for about 2 hours. Damned 2 month immunizations! So, because he was feeling “fussy” we decided to stay in. The boys went with G and my sister. They were not enthused, though. They stayed out only an hour and refused to actually ring bells and say “trick or treat.” They still ended up with candy, somehow. Little C shared a banana Laffy Taffy with me. At least it wasn’t black licorice.

 

In “now I’m just whining” news: Baby G has learned how to fight sleep. For the last two days whenever he’s started drifting off to sleep he has starting waving his right arm like mad to wake himself back up. It would be cute if he weren’t also wailing in my ear while doing it. OK, it’s still cute. Tonight when I put him down for bed he was kicking both legs and waving that arm! I ended up strapping him down with a blanket and putting his heartbeat bear right next to his head to get him to pass out. Crazy 🙂

 

Babysitter October 28, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,The Seventh Circle of Hell,We're parents? — arminta @ 10:28 am

That’s my new job title. I kind of prefer nanny, but whatever. Starting yesterday I have two, count ’em two, babies all day every day plus the boy C’s from 3pm on. So, for a couple of hours there are four kids in my house.

 

Yesterday went OK. I think it stressed Baby G more than me because he wouldn’t sleep. He went all day with only two twenty minute naps after getting up at 8am (my boy normally sleeps until 11am or 1pm). He also kept himself up until nearly midnight. Thankfully, he’s asleep right now. Actually, they both are. Go me!

 

So, now I’m trying to figure out how to get them on a schedule. I need to make sure they aren’t both needing me at the same time, because I felt horrible yesterday nursing G while propping She-C up with a bottle. Obviously, I’m not nursing her, too. But, bottle time could be better than sitting in a boppy with a blanket under her chin 😦

 

Any twin mama’s got any suggestions on this?

 

In other news:

– I should have come up with better nicknames for the C’s on here because now that they are three it’s getting confusing…

– I have lost 65 pounds since Baby G was born just two months ago! I only gained 24 while pregnant…

– I’m loving this no period while nursing business.

– Finally went and packed up my office and gave back my work equipment. I thought it would be sad, but it felt good. My old boss was kind of dick’ish but, whatever. I did send in my resignation the day before my leave was up, but… my leave was only six weeks and we’ve been on bad (very bad) terms since March AND he didn’t pay my maternity leave (it was only two weeks pay, but these days that’s a lot of money…), so surely to God he saw the writing on the wall. Had I not been pregnant, I’d have been gone in March, and I’d have taken a shit ton of his clients with me… I’m vindictive like that to weaselly assholes who think they know everything and treat their employees like shit because they can. Yeah, very bad terms. Dickhead.

– Harry Potter is coming in less than a month!!! Three weeks to be exact!!! I’ve been checking Mrs. Gamgee’s counter almost everyday in anticipation 🙂

– The babies are both still asleep!

 

Happy Blogoversary to Me

Filed under: Blogging — arminta @ 7:51 am

Two years ago I Googled the phrase “infertile whore” and found Jennepper. It changed my life, I found an outlet for all this infertility madness that no one wanted to hear about anymore. I found friends with a common interest (cursing, being mean and trying to get knocked up). Seriously, changed my life.

 

Thank you.

 

Trick or Treat October 26, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,We're parents? — arminta @ 9:08 pm

That is the question… How little is too little for trick or treating?

When I was in the third grade my Dad got saved. As in became all religious over night. As in my last trick or treat happened when I was seven. So, I’m kind of excited to get Baby G out there. It’s one of those childhood experiences I wish I had and he’s going to get it by gum!

On the other hand, does a 9 week old (or his fat ass mama) need candy? Hellz to the no.

Does he need a costume he’ll wear once? Hellz to the no.

Does The Mama want pics of him hamming for the neighbors in a cute costume, anyway? That’d be a big 10-4 little buddy.

 

We do normally take a walk between 6p and 8p anyway… But, it has been unseasonably warm so that has been the catalyst to enjoy the last of the indian summer.

 

So, what think you? Is 9 weeks too little for Trick or Treat? or Should I go show off the baby (provided I can find a costume at this late date)?

 

Survivor’s Guilt October 20, 2010

Filed under: Blogging,Infertility — arminta @ 2:34 pm

So, I don’t post much of late. I’ve explained other reasons before (i.e. amlazywhore), but there is another reason… I am so happy. I am bursting with happiness. I love the shit out of being a mommy. There is literally nothing I’d rather be doing more than taking care of my G’s and I can barely remember life before (even though there’s 30 years of before and only 40 days of after). This is the best.

 

Sure, I’ve had my less than best moments (which I’ve written about) and I do miss getting 3+ contiguous hours of sleep on the regular. But… I wouldn’t trade one minute with him for an hour of sleep. I wouldn’t trade a minute with him for all the disposable cash back. I wouldn’t trade my time with my baby for anything. I am so, so in love.

 

And that is the problem. Because so many of you are still struggling. So many of my friends (and I do consider you to be my friends) are still in the trenches. So many girls that I care about are longing for what I have. I feel like I’m rubbing it in your faces to talk about how absolutely wonderful it is to finally be here. I remember being there, having friends with babies and me mourning miscarriages and failed cycles and feeling like ass for hating them. I remember seething with envy over photo’s and cute anecdotes about smiling babies.

 

I can’t do that to you.

 

As much as I want to give you hope and tell you all about how awesome it is to finally hold that baby and be over that hill, I don’t want to rub it in. I don’t want to hurt you. So, I’m conflicted. So, I’m silent.

 

Tell me, what would you prefer?

– Posts clearly labeled “baby happiness mentioned here.”

– Infertility/loss posts here and baby posts somewhere else.

– Something else (keep everything here or please feel free to make a suggestion).

 

Remembering October 16, 2010

Filed under: Miscarriage,We're parents? — arminta @ 6:53 pm

Yesterday was a busy day for us. We went to my OB (58 pounds lost! boo-yah!) and visited with family to have pictures made (I have two cousins that are better photographers than me, so we spent the day with one and got some pics made). We had lunch with old friends. We even stopped to visit Nana and ended up playing cards with my Mom and Brother until midnight (where we did light candles for each of ours and one for our friends). It was a BIG, BIG day. With lots going on.

 

In the back of my mind I couldn’t help but to wonder how my friends were holding up, though. Those who finally have a living baby, and those who are still only mothers to angels. I wondered as well what the day would have been like with our angels. What would life be like with a 14, 6, 4, 2, almost 1 year old and a four month old and Baby G (a seven week old).

 

Besides impossible of course.

 

But, that’s what it is. Impossible. From a timing stand point we could have had all but Spring Baby (who would now be four months old). But, the reality is if any of our angels had been born and were still with us, we wouldn’t have the others and we wouldn’t have Baby G.

 

Everyday they are remembered. Everyday they are loved. Everyday they are longed for and missed. Everyday.

 

But, today (well, yesterday) there is a physical reminder and an act of remembrance. I told Baby G about all of his brothers and sisters. I told him how old they would be. I told him how much Mommy and Daddy love all seven of their children. I told him how unique he was to be an “only child” with six brothers and sisters. I told him how he was so special because he was the oldest and youngest of seven.

 

The world may see me as the mother of one. But, I know I am the the mother of seven.

 

Time Keeps on Slipping October 14, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,We're parents? — arminta @ 11:10 pm

into the future…

 

Baby G will be six weeks on Saturday. I finally gave up on all of his newborn clothes today. It felt so odd to take the clothes out of his drawer and put them “away.” Where are they going? We have no plans to pursue treatments in future, so there my be no sibling to hand them down to. At the same time, we’re done wasting money on birth control, so I guess there could be a sibling. I don’t want to sell or give them away. But, we don’t need them anymore (for now, but maybe forever). Baby G will never fit back into them.

 

He will never be that little again. He is getting bigger by the day. He’s almost grown out of his 0-3 month clothing (yes, I waited until he was almost out of the next size up before giving up on the smallest clothes). He’ll be a big boy in no time. It’s so bittersweet. It’s everything I imagined. He’s so perfect. And he’s growing up way too fast (yes, says the mother of a six week old). I know he’s still a baby-baby. I know he’s still tiny and there are years and years ahead of us. But… if the past six weeks could go so quickly, the rest will fly by, too.

 

OK, in other news:

 

– My first post baby pap is tomorrow. Yay?

– I’ve lost 56 pounds since having the baby! Yay! I only gained 20 while pregnant!

– Baby G will have his 2 month check up on 10/29. If his diaper covers last, we will plan for moving up then. But, I kind of suspect we’ll need to upsize before then.

– Having a baby is expensive! And, I’m only talking medical bills. I’m getting bills from doctors that I prepaid!

– We still have no routine or schedule at all. Some days we’re up all night and in bed til noon, and the next day we sleep all night and are up by 8.