There is a commercial that makes me cry. Only one, you ask? Well, truthfully, no. I think my hormones have finally become female and I cry a lot more, now. My husband likes to make jokes about finally having a girl for a wife. But, I digress…
There is a commercial that makes me cry. Tears of joy and sadness, but mostly joy. Last year this same commercial made me shout things at the TV and turn the channel and chuck whatever was in my hand at the floor (because “Hello, let’s not fuck up the TV just because your depressed”). It’s amazing what a difference a year can make.
(I can’t find it on YouTube, but it’s the one where a woman is rocking a baby and her husband comes in and she asks why he’s up, it’s 2am and he says 2am on Christmas, our first as a family and they hug and rainbows shoot from their asses. OK, no rainbows shoot from their asses, but you get my point.)
Last year the pain of a looming unrealized due date and another early miscarriage were so strong that the thought of this commercial hurt. Watching it was nearly impossible. I hated those commercial people. I hated them and wished their Christmas tree would catch fire.
This year, I am much less of a bitch. This year I am looking forward to my own holiday firsts. This year I have a living baby. And he is awesome. And I am going out of my way to make things awesome for him, although I am fully aware that he will not remember this when he is a grown up. Or potentially even next week. Because I just love him that much. I’m sorry to be all gushy and sappy and gross, but for real, I am so in love with this baby. Which makes me be less of a bitch in general, but especially to the commercial people. Which makes me realize that I am happy. I am actually, honest to goodness, no shit happy. (Obviously, still with issues, but generally, overall happy.)
And honestly, how can one not be happy with this sleeping in their bed every night (I already told you we co-sleep…)?
OK, I don’t let him sleep in the hat. Or with the Christmas lights. But, seriously, those eyes can make everything better. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to say I’m glad for our losses, but I can say that knowing him I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t take back the pain if it meant not having him.
Enough of this depressingness… More Christmas pictures of the baby!
(BTW… I made the hat and took the photo’s! Yes, I am bragging a little, but as this is a space solely dedicated to talking about me, I figure it’s not really inappropriate…)