I must warn you, if you are all squeemish about poo stories, this is not the post for you. Today has been a shitty day. Literally. But, for real.
It all started when Ladybug showed up with a diaper full of nasty. Which I joked about being my least favorite thing about The Bug, her ability to shame grown men with her foul bowel movements. But, I cleaned her up and all was well.
I nursed Lil G, then they both played together in the jungle while I got Ladybug’s breakfast made. I made homemade applesauce for them both to try because they ate all of my applesauce.
|Lil G: Good job my little padawan, my plan is coming together…|
Little did I know the dangers of placing Lil G in his Bumbo seat this morning.
I started Ladybug on some oats while the applesauce cooled. (By the way, one apple makes about 5 jars worth of baby applesauce.)
She was not impressed. Mostly because I forgot the apples and cinnamon. Lil G also had some oats. He thought they were excellent, for him to poop on! Or, that’s what I thought he was doing, but it was just tooters. So, I went and got Ladybug’s apples and cinnamon, because I’m baby whipped like that. She ate much better after that. The homemade applesauce was a hit. For Lil G to poop on.
No, really this time. His last proper deuce was dropped on Monday, so when he made the face I knew it was “the one.” I took him to get changed right away, lest it spread (ha!). I left Ladybug in her chair thinking we’d be back in just a minute or three. I knew we were in trouble when I saw the poo coming through his clothes, so I gabbed a blanket to change him on.
There are not words to describe the massive orange pool of gross I found in my sons diaper, clothing and hair (yes, the shape of the bumbo shot it straight up his back and into his hair). The dilemma I faced first was how to get his undershirt off without spreading the poosplosion further. I gave this up as impossible pretty much immediately and went for speed instead. The poop was coming out arm and neck holes, there was no clean spot to grab. I was now poopy, too.
Obviously, this job was too big for wipes and washcloths alone. We headed straight to the tub, where I sprayed the baby down with the hand held shower head. By this time poo had gotten on his jaws/cheeks, ears, hands, and everywhere else. He laughed, and stamped in his poopy water puddle. Then I ran him a proper bath, and washed him up with a washcloth.
|The clean up scene, please note look of terror on whale’s face|
Were I a better blogger and worse mother I’d’ve gotten the camera right away and snaped pics of my feces covered baby. As it is, I have only the destroyed onsie to show you:
|I was too disgusted to get a pic of the inside. Suffice it to say it is completely covered on the inside. What you see is just where it has soaked though.|
Once clean, I re-diapered the boy and went to check on poor Ladybug, who has been waiting quietly in her chair. Quiet is not Ladybug’s style, unless…
|Whoops! Nanny fail…|
I moved her immediately to the bed and loved on her until she was peacefully back asleep.
Then I dressed the boy.
|Gee whiz, Mother, don’t you read my blog? I just wore this the other day!|
You never know what life with babies is going to bring… Even when it’s nasty, it’s fun.