Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Downer Is My Middle Name May 20, 2011

Filed under: Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF,Family — arminta @ 1:45 am

So, yeah, the drama it never ends.

One of the recent events with the ol’ Mother-In-Bitch involved the EC’ing of my boy. Because, you know he doesn’t wear diapers a lot of the time. Which you know means, his biznass is rather minimally covered. Or, you know when it’s really warm sometimes his biznass is not entirely covered. Which I don’t think is a huge giant deal because, uh, he’s 8 months old. He is also at home, not out in public. Right, and he’s well supervised. But, none of these things are good enough for the woman who used to let her 2 year old run around butt ass nekkid in public. No, becauseĀ  you see I’m sick and G has no idea what could be going on when he’s not home. Yeah, she said that. A recap of the conversation she had with G (well before the children’s services incident, as neither of us have spoken with her since) amounts to she believes that I or one of my nephews is capable of sexually molesting my son.

She believes that. She said that to my husband. Who loves me. And our nephews.

That is a serious accusation. Especially serious to G and me. Because we both were sexually mistreated as children. This is a topic about which we neither discuss often nor make part of our daily lives. It is something that we have both overcome and moved beyond. Or at least, so we thought. I’m bringing this up now, not only because of the crazy accusations from that crazy bitch, but also because of recent conversations with my sister. See, because I didn’t know that my family was aware of what happened to me. But, it turns out they did and have been talking about it under strict direction to not let me know because they didn’t think I remembered it. So, this has brought some feelings to surface related to this topic. I am not bringing this up for sympathy or for the sake of drama. I am feeling a bit of anxiety and like I need to take some kind of action. So, as this is basically my “diary” I’m trying to work it out here. This is also where I “talk” to my besties (yes, I mean ya’ll!), so two birds and all that.

Here’s the facts. G was molested by his older cousin when he was around 5. It happened multiple times. He doesn’t know how many or for how long. His mother found out and had a shouting fight with the cousin. They are now friends. The Crazy Sauce actually has gotten shitty with G for not wanting to associate with said cousin. You can see now what a winner this bitch is.

For my part, I was a practice puppet for my mother’s brother. He is 9 years older than me, so closer in age to me than my mother but old enough that this was insanely inappropriate. I don’t remember a lot of specifics. I remember being terrified of him when I was little. I remember feeling relieved if he babysat and one of his friends or my other young uncle (dad’s youngest brother) were there too. Because I didn’t need to be scared if someone else was there.

Now, thing is, I don’t remember ever telling anyone. When I was little (think 3-7’ish) I don’t know what I didn’t tell. But as time went on it seemed to me as if no one would believe me. I now don’t think that’s true. I’m sure my parents would have taken it seriously, but my young mind thought they would think I was lying. He probably told me that at some point. I don’t know. But, he has always been part of my life. Even though there’s that aspect. There’s also the fact that he has been my big brother for all practical purposes. He lit the pilot light on my furnace just this week. His wife is the aunt who used to babysit Little C.

Yes, their house is a completely inappropriate place for a small child for reasons beyond what happened to me. They are in a heavy metal band, they are pathological liars, they have people in and out (sketchy drug using heavy metal people) of their house all the time, he has been verbally abusive to my grandmother in front of Little C, his wife slept with my sister’s boyfriend (before and after my sister was with him, he didn’t cheat on my sister, though, not that it really makes it any better), he has made the comment that he would pay to torture someone ala Hostel and he is covered in tattoo’s of naked women and demons trying to get out of his body. I should be all kinds of on board with cutting ties, this would be what G and my sister are pushing for. Seriously, this description plus what happened when I was a kid? I shouldn’t need to be convinced, right?

On the other hand? Like I said, he fixed my furnace the other day, he is always asking if we need help with anything, he is truly outraged on our behalf with the whole MIL situation, he is very much like my brother. And also, I am responsible for four children during the day. I have precious few people who can help me. Obviously, I cannot trust him or his wife alone with the children. But, they are willing to help. I have so few people WILLING to help. He is also very charismatic. It’s really easy to hate him when he’s not around, but for casual socialization, he’s really hard to hate.

I really wish he’d just move away. That would solve things…

So, anyway, this was the goings on. Until last Friday. When I learned that my parents knew. They KNEW and they let him around. They KNEW and they never DID anything. Well, according to my sister our dad kicked his ass. They fucking KNEW. When Ladybug was born my mum told the sister to please not let the aunt watch the girl because of what happened to me. She told her that when I was Lil C’s age I said something that made them think my uncle had molested me, and my dad kicked his ass but she wouldn’t trust him around a young girl. Then she told my sister not to tell me because she didn’t think I remembered.

Anyhoo, whilst on a bitch session with my sis regarding the aunt and uncle (the wiccans), G made mention of the uncle practicing on me. My sister immediately divulged the above. They KNEW. My mother gives him money all the time and she KNEW! I have felt anxious ever since. I thought about asking my mother about it, but how do you bring that up? Plus, I’m more than a little pissed that they KNEW but the fucker was at Christmases and birthdays and family functions. They just pretended like nothing ever happened. So, I have made no mention of this to either parent. But today while helping me with the kids (hurt my back) my Dad made a comment about how he wouldn’t have ever let either boy be babysat by the wiccans if they had been girls. Really? After 25 years of pretending, we’re dropping this shit casually now? ‘Cause I’m not cool with that.

So, I have this anxiety now. I feel like I need to DO something. But, I really just want to ignore it and un-hear my sister’s announcement. My sister wants to talk about it more. She wants to cut off the wiccans. But thing is, she’s known for a year, why is this something that requires action now?

Yeah, I’ve got no resolution or clever wrap up. Not feeling much better about anything. But I do feel more like I wish it would just go away.


One Response to “Downer Is My Middle Name”

  1. jenn Says:

    *HUG* thats pretty much all I can say. It happened to me too. And my mom knows who it was. I dont. I dont remember a good 85% of the big life altering things that happened to me as a kid.

    so just *HUG*

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