Yeah, I don’t like teeth. I mean, sure mine are useful and all. I enjoy masticating things. Especially italian subs. And mac & cheese. And other things needing chewing. Which is a lot. But see, my son, the Baby Formerly Known As G, he doesn’t eat Italian subs, or mac & cheese, or steak, or really much of anything other than Cheerios. He’s eating his college education in Cheerios, but see, those don’t require teeth. Even though the boy has no need of teeth, he has them. Two of them. That’s four sharp points. Two more are coming in. That will be eight sharp points.
So what, right? Aren’t babies supposed to get teeth? Isn’t that part of what they do? Well… yes.
Why does a being with little to no self control and my tit in their mouth 4-6 times a day need teeth and a strong desire to BITE, BITE, BITE? Please, someone, anyone? I’ll wait…
You got nothin’?
Me either. But, it sucks. It really f’ing sucks. I suppose this is my comeuppance for all of that “He is so great and he’s never even chaffed my nips” talk of yore. Well, for all of you who wished my fun-bags would spontaneously combust back in those days, enjoy your laugh. Bitches. I have to go refill my booby ice packs and day dream about filling bottles with formula.