Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Grr and Such December 9, 2011

Filed under: Miscarriage — arminta @ 1:53 am
Tags: , ,

Yeah, so, we’ve been cycle tracking and timed intercoursing like good little (fat) infertiles do. I’ve mentioned this to you before. And, we’ve had a few “could it be’s…?” and the same number of “nopes.” So, that hasn’t been too cool. But, see, I’m actually kind of chill about it. I’m truly happy with the family dynamic, and I love the shiz out of being Lil G’s mama. For my sake, getting pregnant again would be great, and not getting pregnant again would be fine, too. Really. I’m not just saying that. Today. Feelings change, but that’s where I am today.

OK, not really. Really, I’m pretty fucking terrified of getting pregnant again. Because “duh” have been pregnant 7 times, have 1 living child. The odds are not in my favor. At all.

A fact that is staring me right in the big fat face right now. Because of the multiple months of testing early, testing on CD28, blood on CD 29-30, I made a commitment to myself, my wallet and my husband. NO TESTING UNTIL CD30. Period. Which is all fine and good, except… well, I’ve had the WORST heartburn for two days (CD27-28), have been slightly nauseous for the same time, have a bad case of metal mouth and have slept like the dead for two night in a row (thank goodness Baby G got his sleeping issues sorted). For the record, these are so my early pregnancy symptoms. And I’d be all kinds of cool with waiting until Saturday (i.e. CD30), smug in my confidence that this was the month that we’d see that line and I’d be taking Lil G to Christmas in an obnoxious ass “I’m the Big Brother” t-shirt. I WOULD be that way, ifin’s I weren’t currently bleeding like a stuck pig.

But, you see I am bleeding like a stuck pig. I’m on the fence about whether or not to test. Obviously, if I was/am pregnant, it is miscarrying. Do I really want to know that? Also, at this point would the test even still be positive? Would I be able to trust the test at all? I don’t know. Of course the Hubs jumped to his standard response of “call the doctor, make him figure something out, get a D&C.” He wants to know every detail. I’m not so sure that I do… I think I’m good on just not knowing.

What would you do?


2 Responses to “Grr and Such”

  1. I Dont Know. I honestly don’t think I would want to know, but that part of me would lose its argument with the half that wants to know every detail. Because that detail needing part of me is a bully. Hang in there.

  2. Krystal Says:

    Ugh. The worst. I don’t really have any advice. Just an “ugh.”

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