Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Grief is kicking my arse May 25, 2012

Filed under: Miscarriage — arminta @ 10:57 pm
Tags: ,

So, I’m still wallowing in grief a bit over here. Not sure why it hit me all of a sudden… I was chugging along OK, then BAM! Nora is gone. Bean is gone. The grief monster struck again. My family keeps saying “at least you have Baby G” which, a) yes, and I appreciate that and OMG I love that kid but also b) that’s not the point. If I was grieving being unable to conceive again, then, OK valid point (though still insensitive and rude). But, that isn’t it at all. I lost my baby. She was real and alive and mine. I love her and wanted her. I had so many hopes and visions of our little family. And they’re gone. Just *poof* the end.

 

Maybe I’ll get pregnant again, maybe we’ll adopt. Maybe we’ll choose to just be as we are. But no matter where the future takes us, Nora will not be in it.

 

I think part of what brought all this back to the surface was talking to Dr Rheumy about it at my last appt. She had the tact to be properly horrified by Nora’s birth and was very nice about it. She also said she couldn’t imagine getting pregnant again after going through that.

 

Of course, there’s also the whole milestone-ness of the week with her having been gone longer than she was with us and this being a big week in her life (were she still alive).

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One Response to “Grief is kicking my arse”

  1. cassiedash Says:

    Oh, I feel for you. I really do. Grief always seems to get the strongest grip on me when I least expect it. I am so sorry you’re having to take this horrible journey. I’m thinking of you!


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