Lots of days I think my life is the cat’s freaking pajamas. I get to stay home with four of my favorite people and play all day. No schedule, no deadlines…
Yeah, today, is not one of those days. Today I feel like my life is purgatory. This is that place where I have to wait until the hell that is meant for me is completed. So, not a good day.
- It might be depression. That old and faithful friend has been stalking me again recently.
- It might be the fact that the female (and ringleader) of the hoodlum children has been a little monster. Seems harsh to call a toddler a monster? Today she has: poured water on my TV (my ONLY TV), left teeth marks on my baby’s bum, pulled hair out of Lil C’s head, poked Big C in the eye, poured a whole cup of water in my carpet, taken off her clothes and diaper to poop in the crib, flung said poop all over the nursery, and just generally been a grump in between these exploits. Yesterday, the little monster opened my pantry and poured out ALL of the open food boxes (2 bags of goldfishes, 2 bags of chips and a bag of rice), tortured her brothers and tore up a book. Seriously. It’s not like I just let the kids run roughshod, either. She does this stuff while I’m in the potty, or making lunch, or spending time playing with/helping the other kids. For each thing listed here, I’ve stopped her doing more. Monster, I tell you.
- It might be that I just got back from vacation and OMG did I not want to come back. I really want to move Up North. If you know me at all you know I loves my Ohio sports teams. But… I so want to move to northern Michigan. It’s a whole other America. Or, Ohio is just full of assholes.
Haven’t smiled like that in days
- It might be that I feel like I work my ass off for nothing. I miss money. There, I said it. I miss being upper middle class, instead of sucky lower middle class. There is a huge difference in lifestyle between the two. This one deserves it’s own post.
- It might be that I JUST learned that Steven Page left the Barenaked Ladies.
- It might be a combination of the above.
At any rate… I am feeling decidedly unmotivated at life. I am feeling very blah. I am feeling very much like hiding. Because that fixes everything. Seriously, though, it’s like there’s so much to do and it’ll never all get done and even if it does it’ll just get undone and no one will appreciate it anyway and I have to value or direction or goals and even if I did they wouldn’t matter and Holy Hell, can’t I just get drunk already*?
I haven’t done anything of value today, and I just want to give up.
But, I can’t. Because of this:
* Full disclosure… I received a bottle of tequila at my baby shower (so two full years ago), there is still a solid 10 or 12 shots left in it. I haven’t bought wine in months and the closest I’ve been to drunk in the last seven months was the three glasses of wine I drank at a Barenaked Ladies concert** the other night. So most talk of drinking is more of a memory of when I used to drink (which I enjoyed and remember fondly).
** Where I learned Steven Page left the band. How is this not front page news? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Ed Robertson, but If I Had $1,000,000 just is not the same without the duo.