But, Mommy sure does spend a lot of time on Youtube and reading shitty pop-lit. Because those are things you can do while the entire rest of your family snores in your bed. When you can’t get up for fear of waking the toddler who is allergic to sleep and scared of the dark. but you can’t sleep. Because you drank a pot of coffee for lunch. Because that’s the only way you manage to get jack shit done around the house. Not that you got that much done around the house. Not that I would know anything about that…
It’s been a long az dry spell ‘round here. (Yes, literally, too, but it did rain today, so maybe there’s hope, yet…)
I blame the co-sleeping. I blame the RA. I blame lots of things. But, ultimately? The fire is going out and I don’t know what to do about it. Last time we were in MI we stopped at a scenic turnout and *ahem* made a scene. This time? Not so much as a kiss. Anywhere.
We’re mad at each other all the time, or ambivalent. We don’t go out. I feel about as wanted as herpes. I’m sure he feels the same. We talk about having sex (or mention it in passing). We say that we should. Should. It feels like we’re each waiting for the other to make the move and take responsibility. I feel like he should make me feel wanted and loved and he feels like I should seduce him. If I’m being honest (and why shouldn’t I? It’s just the internet, here, it’s not like *just ANYBODY* can read it…) the lovin’s in our relationship has always felt a bit one sided to me and frankly I’m tired of it. I’m tired of it not being even a little about me. About it being his need and I’m just here to fill it. Maybe I used to have less issue with it because that didn’t used to be the story of my *entire* life…