For my entire life I wanted a big family. I wanted at least four kids, maybe six! Then, it was hard to get the one. Now, he’s here and things are good. That crazy fever pitch NEED for a baby, just isn’t there anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I get that pang for an itty bitty sometimes. Once in a while I think about how nice it would be to nurse another, or feel kicks again. But, it’s kind of like a chocolate craving, it comes and goes, but never takes over. Actually, chocolate cravings are stronger. They do take over a few days a month…
My point is, I don’t have that all consuming NEED like I did before Lil G was born. I’d be perfectly pleased to have another… or not. Which is all fine and good, except it makes planning for the future and managing my RA harder. I’m not ready to rule out never trying again (although, there are days I’m ready for a hysterectomy, usually the same days that the chocolate craving takes over). I’m not even ruling out doing treatments again (although there was a time I would have not even considered it). But, not today. I’m not ready for deliberate procreation just yet.
The husband, on the other hand, wants another. From a practical “when they grow up” standpoint, so do I. From a “let’s have another baby this year” standpoint, though… not so much. Right now, we’ve agreed to give my new RA meds six months to work, or be discontinued, then take it from there.
This is such a strange position. I wonder if we had never experienced loss or infertility if I would still feel this way, or if it would be a mad dash for more?