Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Just Bent April 25, 2013

Filed under: Marriage — arminta @ 2:10 am
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Once upon a time the hubs and I used to play a game where we tried to name the artist who’s music best supplied the soundtrack to our relationship. Not necessarily what we listened to the most (although, we did tend to pick from the music we listened to). Usually we came up with things like Jewel and Dave Matthews Band. Because we were young and romantic and in love (and stuck in the 90’s).

Since 2009, though… we both agree that P!nk is holding strong on the whole soundtrack front, though. There are a great many similarities between our relationship and her marriage to Carey Hart (she drinks, they’ve experienced infertility and miscarriage, she has a hateful mouth, he pretty much lived off of her for years), at least according to her songs and media interviews. There are plenty of differences, too (they have money and an insane love of fitness).

 

Our P!nk connection started on July 4th 2009. That was the day G packed all of his shit into the truck and prepared to drive away for good. Emotionally, at that time I was still so numb and raw and angry (oh, I was so angry) about losing Bean. I couldn’t relate to other people, I couldn’t care. But, as he was leaving me (and I was sitting on the couch watching him, numb and pissed and frankly, probably drunk) the song Please Don’t Leave Me came on the radio. When it was almost over, as he was going through our DVD’s trying to decide which ones to take I said “Don’t go.” He made a comment about not taking my “shitty Harry Potter and Twilight movies.” And I said that I didn’t care about the movies, I just wanted him to stay. And he did. Actually, we drove to the horse track (where I got more drunk, I’m sure… I drank A LOT back then) and gambled all day, then had the best dinner at a BBQ that closed down two weeks later. (FYI… if you are ever in Kentucky or Cincinnati, OH and you’re eating at a place that sells burgoo, try it. It is awesome.) We have had more fights since then, but that was the last time either of us has almost left. We celebrate July 4th less as the national holiday and more as our Double D Day.

 

Of course during the worst of our troubles So What was very popular on the radio. I had no trouble relating to that in my anger. Of course, the fact that Cary Hart was in the video told me that they had worked through their issues and were back together or getting back together. Strangely, that gave me hope. Obviously, Sober resonated with me pretty heavily during that time, too. Pretty much the entire Funhouse CD was our story during that time.

 

Then Lil G came and things got better. For a while we were in kind of a bubble. There was trouble, sure, but nothing like what it used to be. Not even close to what it used to be. Then, things got less good again. Not bad like they were. I’m not drinking anymore, for one. (Don’t get me wrong, I drink a bottle of wine a month, maybe two. I used to drink a bottle or two a NIGHT most nights of the week.) As things were getting bad again, P!nk released The Truth About Love and songs like Blow Me (One Last Kiss) and Try really connected with where we were headed. I had been thinking that life would be easier apart. Not because I don’t love him, but because sometimes it’s just SO HARD. We are so different when it comes to parenting and his anxiety is so bad. When his anxiety is bad he get hypochondria, or now he gets hypochondria by proxy and focuses on Lil G. Literally, every night I have to talk him out of taking a healthy child to the ER. We been in marriage counseling for months and it still feels like I am at the bottom of the totem pole around here. SO HARD.

 

Then another song…

 

And it reminded me that nothing is as bad as it seems and we can get past this. We’ve been through worse…

 

 

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