Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Where I Was December 10, 2012

I was here, duh!

 

OK, so, I know I said I was going to stop bitching and what-not. But, this is not depressed whining. I swearz!

 

Actually, given all that’s been going on I’m doing remarkably well in that dept.   But, I have been quite down with my RA. Also, I didn’t have a computer for a few weeks because some asshat decided to break into my house (while I was picking the kids up from school, and much like Goldilocks he was still here when we got home) and steal my laptop and all of my jewelry (including a ring from my Great-Grandma). Also, between upper respiratory viruses and asthma and puking/fever viruses we’ve been pretty much sick for 5 weeks.

 

So, that’s where I’ve been, computer-less and up to my knees in puke & poop. Aren’t you glad you asked?

 

(But, I’ll tell you this… my husband was a ROCKSTAR this weekend. He has pneumonia and half of the tummy bug and still took care of me & the boy all weekend. Well, Saturday he kind of had to because I was unconscious and had a 104 degree fever (farenheit, yo), but Friday and Sunday were all voluntary!)

 

(Also, Ladybug is now making me pay hardcore for being sick on Friday and not watching her.)

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Brain Dump, You’re Welcome! August 24, 2012

Filed under: Baby G,Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF,Marriage — arminta @ 2:52 am

Oh, hi. Yeah, I didn’t forget that I have a blog. I promise. Things has just been, well, cray-cray ‘round here. By cray-cray of course, I mean the normal amount of crazy + I’m lazy Smile

 

Well, not as much LAZY as getting my arse whipped by this damned RA. Finally on new med’s (I’d like to take a minute to thank my insurance for take 11 weeks to approve my new medicine, ya’ll rock… at sucking!), and Dr. Rheumy promises that one day I’ll wake up “all better” just like how morning sickness goes away all at once. Except for the people for whom it doesn’t work. Four weeks until we find out which camp I’m in. Although, I have been feeling a little better this week. I even cleaned my bedroom.

 

Also, I wasn’t pregnant, just sick. Also, mono symptoms can apparently come and go for months and feel exactly like the first trimester of pregnancy. Also, I still have mono. So, that’s been like six months now. Yay! Compromised immune systems are awesome!

 

I should be baking right now, because giant ass cakes don’t bake themselves. But, see previous re: RA & mono… I don’t feel like doing shit.

 

Pretty jazzed about the big #2 bash! Will post pictures, promise. Maybe even before Christmas.

 

Saw a marriage counselor today. Am unsure what kind of voo-doo she pulled on me, but, have signed up for 8 more sessions. Maybe things will get better? If not, at least I’ll know I did everything in my power to fix this thing. The ship is sinking ya’ll. But, the right things were said coming out of there, so maybe… Except she’s UBER Christian. Which I think was G’s plan when he picked her. But, when I told her where I was with god and why I was there, she said “He understands you’re mad at him, tell him that when you pray. Keep praying, just tell him how mad you are, if that’s what you feel.” OK, except, I’m more inclined to believe we are more of a game of Sims left alone too long than anything. But, OK. Oh, yeah, get sucked into that black hole, we play the Sims, but we are Sims, and our Sims play Sims. Am I the only ancient asshole out here that remembers the Sims? Anyhizzle… she had my back re: La Diabla, so that was good.

 

 

OK, will write more later. Must sleep.

 

Can’t Get This Flavor out of my brain July 8, 2012

So, I should probably write about something at least quasi-important, right? You are likely wondering about how Weight Watchers is going (2 steps forward, 3 steps back, AM FAT ASS FO’ EVAH), or what’s going on with our sleep habits (co-sleeping is back in the house, yo!) or even what’s up with the sex life (ha! sex life! you so funny!). But, I want to gripe about the worst book I’ve ever read!

 

Maybe my expectations were off when I started this book. I was told things like “It’s a really unconventional love story” and “It’s steamy, but it isn’t ALL sex.” To which I now call BULLSHIT! This is the crap my so called friends came up with to assuage their mommy porn guilt.

 

Yes, I’m talking about Fifty Shades of Grey. Blech!

 

OMG, I freaking hated this book. I did not hate it because it was about BDSM sex. I’m a “to each their own” person when it comes to what people do behind closed doors. I even enjoy a bit of kinky stuff, myself.* No, I have no problem with the graphic sex, or the kinky sex. What I have a problem with are the following:

  • The absolutely HORRENDOUS writing. The writing in this book actually made me appreciate Stephanie Meyer.
  • The fact that once again we have been duped into reading about a female lead character who doesn’t believe she is worthy of men’s attentions, and is therefore shocked that any man (let alone several men) want to fuck her. So much so that she hops into bed and an abusive relationship with a nut job, just because he wants her. Newsflash: If you have a vagina, men want to have sex with you. They may not want a relationship, they may not want to see you tomorrow, they may not act on the desire (you know, they might be married, or have some other legitimate reason for not screwing every woman they meet, like respect for women), but rest assured, pretty much every straight adult male wants to screw pretty much every vagina they meet.**
  • The lead male character is so unbelievable. First of all, he’s a “real life” Edward Cullen. From the bronze hair, to the obscene money, he’s a fuck-able Edward Cullen. He’s aloof with a troubled past and we’re supposed to look past the fact that he wants to punish his girlfriend for disobedience, because he just needs to be taken care of and made all better. I’m sorry, there are signs up in the bathrooms at hospitals about this guy. He is ABUSIVE. Playing Dom/Sub in the bedroom is one thing. Having rules in the house that have to be followed or you will be punished? That is abuse. If you willing sign up for an abusive relationship, you are stupid. It is not romantic. It does not show how much you care. You can not fix him. Why the hell are we supposed to be fantasizing about this?
  • Back to Bella, I mean Ana. Why are all female’s clumsy or sexy now?
  • Did I mention that the writing was AWFUL. I mean AWFUL. I wish I could find stats on how many times the phrase “Fifty Shades” was used in the book. Other worn out phrases: Inner Goddess, twitchy palm, Christian and body wash, fair point well made and biting your lip.
  • Who has sex 5 and 6 times a day several days in a row? Seriously, ya’ll is it just me, or does that not seem like WAY too much?
  • Also, this guy needs no rebound time? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a back to back has never been experienced in this house, but 2 back to backs in the same day? Also, I’m pretty sure condoms are moot after the first 3 times, because your body just can’t make that much sperm.
  • A relationship contract? Actually, sign me up for this one… Of course, my terms would be a little different. Hard Limits: Taking out trash, using a hammer and mowing the grass.***
  • I love British writing (hello, Harry Potter). I mean LOVE. But… this is odd. The writer is obviously British, yet she tries for an American feel (even setting the story in Seattle, which is as far from London as you can get, I believe).It doesn’t work. It’s like Robert Pattinson using an American accent. Something’s wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s definitely not right.

Why am I going on about this book I hate? Because I can’t get the damned thing out of my head. It’s like the durian juice of crappy pop literature!

 

 

* or did when my life included proper sex… but, that is a whole other post for a whole other day.

** I’m talking grownups to grownups here, folks.

*** I have actually never mowed the grass in my life.

 

If I Had a Million Dollars June 6, 2012

We talk about this a lot around here. What would we do if we were rich. What would daily life look like?

I’m lazy enough to think it might look like Saturday morning for a few months. But, am ambitious enough to know that wouldn’t last. Eventually, I’d need a project or 80 (please see post from yesterday, about my love of starting projects). Plus, I’m the type that wants to leave a legacy for my family. A real legacy. something that my great-grand-kids will appreciate and benefit from. Like, a farm.

 

Yep, a farm.

 

If I had the money, I would totally invest in a large bit of land for my family (when G and my mom speak of this they call it “the compound” because “duh, the sky is falling”) and the tools to help us turn it into a relatively sustainable home. Meaning, renewable energy and on site water and growing the food. I’d love to have a working farm/tourist attraction concept. That is one of our favorite places to plunk down cash in the fall and would be another way to ensure we wouldn’t need day jobs. Not that I have a day job now…

 

Yes, given enough money I wouldn’t chose a life of less work, just a different kind of work. The kind where my boy gets to spend the days with his Daddy and learns the satisfaction of having personally had a hand in feeding his family. I would build a place where I know future generations could call home.

 

What would you do with a million dollars?

 

I’m a Starter June 5, 2012

I was gonna tell you guys all about how our summer is starting (i.e. Big C and Lil C and RA, Oh MY!), but instead I hoped on over to Mel’s to get a much less bitchy idea for something to bore you with!

 

But, lo and behold her prompt was actually something I’ve been thinking about for a while… How do you feel about starting new projects?

 

Easy! I LOVE starting projects. One of my favorite parts of my pre-Mommyhood career was meeting with clients and mapping out their project. Then I had to slug through all the “work” then I loved handing it over to them. But, I totally dig the planning and pre-work of new projects. I seriously could just plan projects for other people for a living. I always have ideas for new projects, too. Speaking of, I’m totally thinking about opening a second Etsy shop for my nature photography. Why? Is my current shop not enough work? It is! I just love new projects!

 

But it occurs to me that as awesome as it is to be a project starter… there’s no sense to be starting all these projects without the follow through. And, there’s where I fall down. I’m horrible at the daily grind part of projects. Which is something I need to work on. I need to get better at follow through and delivery. It’s great to have a plan, and a vision, but without the action… well, what was the point of all that dreaming.

 

So, one of the things I am seriously working on for 2012 is getting better at the action. I don’t want to dream less, I want to act more. Turn those visions into life. Maybe I’ll never be an award winning author with photographs in galleries and a super clean house full of awesome crafts I did with the kids (damn you, Pinterest!). But, I could totally be closer to that than I am now. Lights, camera, action!

 

Does it Even Matter May 2, 2012

Filed under: Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF — arminta @ 4:21 pm

** This was a juicing blog post, but I decided to post it over here, too… **

 

There are pre-fast leftovers in my fridge. There are fresh peanut butter/chocolate chip cookies on my counter. There are crackers in my cupboard. And… there are chili-cheese coneys at Dairy Queen.

I want them. All of them.

I want to feel full, and comforted. I want to chew. I want that emotional release that comes with eating a meal that you really want. You know that feeling of “ahhh! that was good.”

Which would be part of the reason I’m so fat to begin with… I’ve always chosen the “ahh” of food over the “ahh” of slipping into smaller clothes. Obviously, the “ahh” of food is much more immediate. Who doesn’t love a little instant gratification? I know I do…

So, today I spent all morning cleaning the kitchen, then playing with the kids outside and I let myself go too long without juicing. When I came back in I really wanted to just eat leftovers and crackers (I love pretty much any kind of dip-able leftovers with club crackers). I even almost convinced myself to go ahead and have them, call this day a bust and start over tomorrow. Or not. My logic?

Why does it even matter? I’ve always been fat, I always will be fat. I’m going to fail eventually anyway, might as well be my choice.How do I even know this will help with the pain and energy and RA? Who cares?

Ouch! Turns out I’m pretty negative when I’m hungry. So, I made a deal with myself. I’d have a juice, and if I still felt like being a petulant child when my blood sugar wasn’t in the toilet, I’d give in.

While I was drinking my juice (a delicious Asian inspired carrot concoction) I had an epiphany. It doesn’t really matter. If I want to stay the same as I’ve always been, I can make the same choices I always have. If I want to make a change, then I’ll have to make different choices. Not just now, but forever. It doesn’t really matter. The choices I make today will shape my tomorrow, but I have complete freedom to make whatever decision I want. One carrot juice isn’t going to save me any more than one coney dog is going to kill me. It’s all about the pattern of choices. So this one day doesn’t matter. This one choice, isn’t important. But, pile it up with a couple hundred of its friends and there’s what’s important.

Needless to say, I did not go ahead and eat my stir fry with crackers. I didn’t drive down the street and get a coney dog. I had my (delicious) carrot juice and several glasses of water. I’m still hungry. I still want to eat. I still half feel like giving up. But, I have one more good decision behind me. It needs some friends to help build some momentum. I think I’ll get there. I feel like today will end just fine and tomorrow, too. Maybe in a few days it won’t feel like such a struggle…

 

Mother Goose Day May 1, 2012

Filed under: Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF — arminta @ 1:16 pm

Did you know that today is Mother Goose Day? Yeah, no, it really is.

Did you know that much like Shakespeare, we don’t know who the original Mother Goose (or Geese) was? I didn’t know that. Until I consulted Google this morning while preparing the kids’ “lesson” for the day. If we can count reading a couple of nursery rhymes and talking about Mother Goose as a “lesson.” I have always like Little Miss Muffett and Humpty Dumpty, but I read the one about the old woman in the shoe as a cautionary tale 🙂

What is your favorite Mother Goose rhyme? Do you read the “scary” ones to your kids to try to make them see that you’re really not so evil?