Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Baby G is Here!!! August 28, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,Fall Baby,The Evacuation Plan,We're parents? — arminta @ 11:24 pm

I’ll post more details later but wanted to make sure all my girls know that Baby G is here and our little family is doing really well right now. Here’s some highlights:

– Labor was exactly 24 hours

– I ended up with an epidural

– I also ended up with an emergency c-section

– Both were totally worth it for the most gorgeous boy EVER

– Baby G is 7lb 2oz and 20in long

– The boy latches on like a champ. 2 weeks early and a c-section baby and I have sauceresque nips and he has not had any latch issues so far!!! Hoping like hell that trend continues!

– He is sleeping peacefully, has hardly cried and already shit in my hand.

– I am so in love.

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An End is In Sight August 25, 2010

K, I’m  cheater and I’ve decided that even though this is about yesterday… it’s still “my day in great detail” so welcome to both an update AND day 25 of the 30 day blog journal.

So, I had a big day yesterday. I had an appointment with DW, then I got to come home and deal with plumbers, then I got to talk to a restoration company, then I made dinner (got shot down for sex anyway) and then I had to stick a bunch of pills up my cooter. Guess which part was the most fun?!?!?!

The hell? you ask.

Well, let’s start at the beginning. I woke up and took a shower, because you know, when doctors are going to be in your bits, the bits should be clean. While I was in the shower, G went to the basement. Probably to rub it in my face that he’s allowed up and down stairs and I’m not. But, he found a surprise down there… Standing water! Coming back up though the drain hole in the floor, and the old potty that doesn’t work in the corner. Gross!!! Because as we know water coming from those two places isn’t JUST water, it’s dunh, dunh, dunh… sewage. Eww! OK, I didn’t know that, but G kindly explained it to me.

So, he comes back upstairs and tells me not to freak and get my pressure all jacked up, but I need to not ask to be induced, because I need to come home and call plumbers and shit. To which I say, “fuck that, yo’ mama can let in the plumber, shiiit.” ‘Cause I am ghetto fab at 8am. So he’s all, “O-Kay, but I don’t think you fully grasp the situation down there.” But, we had no more time to argue. He had to go to work and I had to go the doctors office.

And, I did. But first, I needed an NST. Apparently, mah baybee knows how to hide his heart in my fat very effectively, because the poor nurse had to hold the doppler the whole time. Unfortunately, she rendered the contraction monitor useless, but I didn’t bitch about it, because he was being very assy and moving on her a lot. It took an hour to get 20 minutes of him on the monitor. It took 10 minutes to get 10 kicks. I tried explaining that 9:30am was playtime, and we’d be better off to do the AFI first, but I am only dumb patient, so I was overruled. After the NST I went over the u/s room for an AFI and his fluid was up to 10 from 8.5. So hunky dorrey there. Also of note, my BP was 113/89.

I was devastated. There was no way with yummy squirmy baby, and improved fluids and damn near normal BP readings that DW was going to induce me now. Motha Flipaship!

But… I headed up the musty old elevators anyway. I called G and told him the news and he was thrilled because “major plumbing emergency” blah, blah, blah… Then I peed in a cup, because that’s what I do at DW’s office. Then a nurse told me I looked like shit. Well, she actually might have said “Oh honey, you look tired” but I heard “Gee whiz, bitch, what’d you do? Sleep in a dumpster?” Then she dipped my pee and took my BP.Which was… 149/103. The fuck? She asked how I was feeling and I told her I was losing my mind in the bed and I was losing my identity and the days were running together, turns out she just wanted to know about headaches and blurred vision. So, I gave her the short story: yes and no.

Then DW came in, looked at my chart and said “let’s have a baby, get nekkid” and I was “oooh, finally somebody wants to do me” but he just wanted to check mt cervix. At this point I feel I should note: I was going to have a baby yesterday if only that bitch cervix would play ball. Obviously the fact that I’m writing that instead of, “look, shiny new baby” means that my cervix is a sell out whore. I don’t know how much G paid her to double cross me, but I’m going to make her pay…

Anyhoo, DW checked the cervix and while I was “a tad” dilated, she was long and firm. Which is kick ass awesome from weeks like 4-34. But she should now be ripening on her own. I think this assumption is based on ladies that are getting a steady supply of prostaglandins, this lady is not. So DW starts thinking out loud (still wrist deep in my snatch, BTW) about our options. I swear he was tickling the baby’s head, whatever he was doing, it hurt. He was saying things like “we need to find a good reason to deliver, but the cervix just isn’t favorable, but the BP is all over the map, but we don’t want to end up doing a c-section.” He then pulled his hand out of my cooch and recommended that I come back on Friday and do another NST and he’d check my cervix again. He also told me to try some techniques to help ripen my cervix, specifically Evening Primrose oil taken orally and poon-erly. As I can’t exactly put the cervix in a paper bag on the counter, like a pear (yes, I envision my cervix as a rock hard pear), I had to come home and google additional ways to ripen it.

I did stop and get the EPO and some new lip balm. Unfortunately, lip balm had lanolin in it and yeah, now my lips itch and the skin is peeling off! Fucking lanolin!

Then I came home and had to call the plumber. The plumber got there in like 40 minutes! Hooray. And he was nice! And he fixed my slow running tub, and, you know, the problem causing the sewage in the basement for only like $300. The plumber kicked ass. Apparently, we had tree roots in the main drain. I don’t know how that’s possible, but, ’tis what he said. He cleaned up his mess and called a lady who specializes in this kind of clean up for me. Again, hooray plumber!

Then I had to call G with an update. He was not so pleased with having a cleanup specialist come by. So, he came up with a Plan B and Plan C and stressed my shit out calling me every few minutes to talk about it. Grrr… Yeah, I did not want to deal with it anymore for another hour until the lady came. Turns out the situation down there was not as bad as I was envisioning and but the restoration chick wants $1,700 up front, and requires a bunch of work after the fact to replace the carpet. So, now, G is going to do the cleanup himself. But, the restoration lady stayed a long time and put on a strong sales pitch.

Then I made dinner when she left. It was OK. G really liked it. So, I mentioned that I did some research on cervix ripening and I need to bathe the cervix in prostaglandins and he happened to have a very good source of prostaglandins and oxytocin. He decided to go shopping instead. Ouch! Shot down.

So, I got out the breast pump for a Plan B. Because you know breast pump, sex, same diff, right?

Then my Mom called to talk about my sisters shower. So I told her how I’d have the cake, diaper cake and my presents etc… delivered Thursday night or Friday morning. Apparently she also is unaware that PIH/Pre-eclampsia are not just for fat people. I had to remind her that what I have used to be called toxemia and she had it with me and she was not this fat, so this is not a direct result of my being too fat to have a baby.

Then G came back from shopping and I proposed getting fresh again… but unfortunately he was not game. Apparently my pregnant ass grosses him out and he’s not interested in actual sex with me. Whatever… I have more to say, but won’t because I’m just ragging because my feelings are hurt.

Deciding that I still needed to get some prostaglandins on my cervix I stuck three Evening Primrose Oil pills up my pillbox and went to bed.

 

The Rest Continues August 23, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant,The Blah,The Evacuation Plan — arminta @ 1:28 pm

Blah…

That is how I’m feeling right now. I haven’t been off of my ass all day, and yet, I’m yawning. G is being very super supportive, but I am beginning to lose my mind. I have never gone so long without an agenda. Right now I’m in limbo. I’m living in this gray area between two lives, and I’m not allowed to do anything!

I’m sure once Baby G is here I’ll be wishing for one more day of rest to stock up for the long nights and endless crying, but right now it feels so pointless. I would be fine with being home if I could do stuff (like: wash diapers, clean, cook dinner and/or run up to the diaper store for more covers). But as it is I’m laying about, too bored to watch TV, nothing interesting to blog about and unable to do anything to prepare.

I think I’m going to ask DW to induce tomorrow, even if he’s cool with putting it off another week. I don’t see the point in waiting until I’m so sick that it starts affecting Baby G and the longer we wait the more likely it is I’ll need a C-section because I’ll be too ill to handle the rigors of vaginal birth. Plus… I’m just done. All I do is worry. Is he OK, am I OK, are things going to be OK when he’s out here?

I should shut up. No one wants to here the poor pregnant infertile moaning about being pregnant. I’m just very worried, and feel like it’s finally better for him to be out than in.

 

Week in Review 37 August 20, 2010

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 4:42 pm

How far along? 37w0d – FULL TERM!!!!

Maternity clothes? Guess what… when you don’t care about a little poking out in the middle, you can wear so many more clothes! I’m in my normal jammies. Normal, not pregnant jammies.

Body Oddities? Weight goes up…. weight goes down….

Sleep? Eh… it was good while it lasted. Back to tossing and turning and worrying about my fecker boss and his games all night.

Best moment this week? Not getting induced! Oh, wait, I had SEX this week! Yeah, the SEX was better. It wouldn’t have happened without the not getting induced, but still yeah, that was the best moment this week.

Worst moment? Realizing that my boss really is going to continue to withhold my pay for time worked until I get a lawyer and sue his ass. That’s really stressful, especially when you’re 9 months pregnant.

Movement? Lighter, but still there.

Food cravings? I have no appetite. Everything sounds gross. Except mac-n-cheese and peanut butter sandwiches. Even my beloved BD’s made me sick this week.

Rings? With the new hand/face edema being constant, the ring is off

Intense Dreams? I did have some crazy dreams about this house that was full of hidden rooms and it had all kinds of cool stuff in it, but it kept changing and I could never find my way back to the rooms I liked. One of the rooms was a bathroom with a walk in tub that got deeper like a swimming pool and had jets and faucets all around the sides and was really, really cool. And there were like three attics that were not connected to each other.

Medical Concerns? High BP, borderline low amniotic fluid

What I miss? Feeling human, being able to roll over in the bed, sleeping on my back, sleeping, cooking, home cooked meals, wanting to eat, lots of stuff, but it will all be worth it very soon.

What I look forward to: This time next week, but for real this time…

Emotional State? Tired. I don’t really feel stressed anymore. The work stuff is pissing me off, but not really stressing me out, and we pretty much prepped for Wednesday to be the day, so I don’t feel unprepared anymore, either. Just ready. Tired and ready to have this baby and move on to the next chapter.

 

I Got the Blues

Filed under: Fall Baby,Pregnant — arminta @ 10:42 am

OK, I am on doctors orders to “rest as much as possible” and to “lie down with feet up for the majority of the day.” It is unofficial bed rest or modified bed rest. I don’t have to time my showers, and I’m not under order to not get myself a snack/drink. So, it’s not like I really have it all of that tough. I definitely feel bad for those on real no-shit bed rest that have to use a bed pan or bedside potty or be in the hospital.

But, I am me, so I’m going to whine anyway. Because I’m lying here, following doctors orders, wishing like hell I could be cleaning my house. Nothing major, it’s not like my house is “dirty.” Just a little “messy” as happens when life continues on and half of the maid service is confined to rest. The bad thing is, I’m starting to think “I could get up and clean for 30 minutes, it would make a huge difference and no one would know (in time to stop me) and I would feel less stressed, so it would be better than just lying here moaning about it.” And, maybe I could get up and straighten the house for 30 minutes without my BP climbing or anything bad happening. But… that’s a slippery slope.I know me, and I know that 30 minutes of light straightening today will turn into an hour of dusting and straightening tomorrow, which will turn into moving a box and running the sweeper the next day. I will continue to add more until I do hit my limit and stroke out, or you know, just get my pressure too high and wind up in L&D getting a lecture and a pitocin drip.

On the other hand… there’s hair gel on my side table and G’s change jar is on the coffee table and my photo books are EVERYWHERE (Little C loves to look at pictures) and the breast pump box is still on the floor next to my squashy chair and there’s a drill battery charging on the living room floor.

Maybe I should just move back to the bedroom where I can’t see all of this mess. (OK, yes, that really is all that’s out of place and driving me crazy right now, but… as soon as I move it, I’ll see more. I really enjoy a tidy house, which I understand will really need to be brought down a notch when Baby G gets here, maybe this is just practice?)

 

Still Here August 18, 2010

Still pregnant. Which is good.

Here’s the scoop:

– BP down to 149/96. Which is JUST under Dr W’s induce now threshold.

– Fluid is on the low side of normal. Normal being 5-25, mine is 8.5.

– He ordered an AFI (fluid check) and NST for next week, after which I am to come see him.

– He says we are taking this week by week, day by day.

– He is calling game over for any of the following between now and then:

  • Any headache that’s bad enough to take Tylenol and Tylenol does not help.
  • Any gallbladder type pain that takes my breath.
  • Any headache with nausea that doesn’t resolve within an hour of lying down.
  • If my bottom BP number goes over 100 or the top goes over 150 AND the bottom is over 90.

– I lost seven of the eleven pounds that I gained last week. Taking my total gain to 17 pounds.

So, that’s the medical haps.

Also, thank you guys so much for being so kind regarding my meltdown. I really needed some encouragement on that. I literally felt crazy.

In work related news, I still have not received my pay stub. So, I sent a final status on all of my projects and sent my boss an e-mail explaining that I can’t continue to perform work for the company while on medical leave while he was playing these games. I also expressed that I felt his actions were bordering on hostile. I am filing a complaint with the State of Ohio tomorrow. At this point, I’m not worrying about it any more. We transferred the money from savings that we need to pay bills this week and we’ll worry about the rest as we need to later. I hate to bite into our safety net so soon, but when your boss illegally withholds your salary, that’s kind of what the net was there for. I did send e-mails to my co-workers letting them know that I am officially on leave and thanking them for being so supportive.

Well, that is all for now. I am going to go to bed and sleep until I wake up!

 

Tuesdays are for Meltdowns

Right, then. I am insane. It is official.

Tonight, I acted like a right loon over nothing. Well, not nothing. But nothing to be acting like a loon over. Apparently the stress has bottled up and chose to release itself quite inconveniently all over G. The one person who’s been there 100%. The man busted his ass all weekend, and I yelled at him over one load of laundry not being done. Because: AM BITCH.

What happened? Well, it started with my dad calling. He asked about me & the baby, but he seemed to have more on his mind. And, he did. He really wanted to talk about whether I thought it was a good idea for him to move in with my mother while he finished school because he was having a hard time making it to school on time because of work and he can’t miss many more days or he’ll be kicked out. Because right now, I need to be worrying about his stress, too. Don’t get me wrong, I care. I care too much is the problem. I worry about my dad. He’s not in very good health, he’s not in very good shape financially, and he’s not very good with discipline and keeping his shit together. So, anyway, I talked to him about his issues. Because that’s what I do.

While I was talking to him, G was getting frustrated, because he had bought me ice cream, that I wasn’t eating and I wasn’t paying him my undivided attention.

So, when we got home, G made a snarky comment about me being on the phone, the pug got under the bed (because the gate wasn’t closed…), I found that she had torn up one of my new chair pads and I spilled my melted ice cream (that I really wanted) all over my birthing class papers.

I Fucking Lost It.

I cried, I screamed, I tried to beat the pug with her leash (she ran under the bed). This is NOT my normal behavior. I completely went psycho. I told G it was all his fault for making the snarky comment, which started the snowball effect. Then I cried some more, until I puked.

I am not proud of this behavior. I do not approve of it at all. I had no control. Seriously, none. I was like a lunatic pulling at my hair, scratching at my face and screaming/crying. NO CONTROL. Scary.

Now I’m all better (besides feeling foolish for behaving that way) and can see that the things that felt so monumental at the time (I really wanted that ice cream) were quite small. But at the time? You’d have thought the house fell down.

So, for the second Tuesday in a row, I’ve behaved like a loon and it’s getting worse. If I make it to next Tuesday expect a change to a full on werewolf or harpy or something…

*******************************

For the record, I’m pretty sure underlying stress was the culprit… you know little things like:

– My boss is illegally withholding my paycheck for no reason and refusing to discuss it with me.

– I have a lot of work that I feel responsible to get done before I leave (potentially for ever) but also feel like I should not do this work, because I haven’t been paid in 20 days.

– I do not feel ready to have this baby.

– I repeat, I do NOT feel ready to have this baby.

– That pug is really going to have to go.