Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Insanity Defined January 11, 2013

Filed under: Baby G,Big C,Family,Ladybug,Little C,We're parents? — arminta @ 2:39 am
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Once upon a time I had these grand plans to be a fun Mom/Nanny. We were going to go out all of the time! The park, museum and places unknown were going to be our everyday experiences. Every now and again I start thinking that way again. Then I take all four of these little hooligans somewhere and by the time we get home I swear that I.will.NEVER do that again. It’s always the same thing, I don’t know why I think it will be any different…

 

At first one of two things happen: Big C REALLY wants to do whatever we’re doing, and thus is all excited and hyper acting or Big C really does NOT want to go wherever we’re going, in which case he wines/moans, drags his feet and picks fights. This is on top of two two year olds who think getting dressed to go bye-bye is some kind of endurance exercise for me (let’s run and laugh and take off all of the clothes she just put on us! yay!). Also, during this time Lil C (who is 5 and perfectly capable of getting himself ready to walk out of the door) is doing nothing to get ready, and is probably getting out a toy/game that will need to be put away before we leave.

 

Once we get outside, the toddlers immediately run into the yard rather than wait to be put in their car seats. I catch one and wrestle them into their seat while the other rolls in dirt. The big boys are fighting. I catch the other baby and wrestle them into their seat. The big boys are a) still fighting and b) not in their seats. I yell at the big boys to get in the car. They continue fighting.

 

As we drive to our destination, I play music to distract everyone. The boys fight over it. Ladybug drops a toy or takes off her shoes then screams at me for the entire trip to get it for her. Lil G wants everything Lil C has. Lil C wants everything both babies have. There is a fucking toy store in my seat and yet three children cannot be kept entertained for 15 minutes. Big C plays his iPod with the volume up so loud he’s in danger of violating noise ordinances.

 

When we arrive at wherever the hell we were going, I have an inner debate about just going back home, but decide to buck it up and stay the course. You know, follow through and boot straps and all that. We assign buddies (i.e. one big kid + one little kid) for the parking lot. The boys fight over who gets to be the chosen baby of the day’s buddy. I end up carrying one and holding the other’s hand while the big boys run ahead and forget all about us. They usually go into the building/onto the playground and just generally get ahead of themselves and me. Often I’m left to negotiate a door with both littles by myself.

 

Once inside/established at our destination things go smoothly for approximately 4.6 seconds. Then littles start trying to run off, bigs fight some more and people start giving me the hairy eye (not 100% true, I do often get compliments on how well-behaved they are in public, but a so frustrated by their private behavior at this point that everything irritates me). Everyone wants to do something different and Big C alternates between being up his sister’s ass and telling me “it’s not my fault if she falls and breaks her neck.” To which I reply “if she falls because you were up her butt it will be” and he gets all pissy. Lil C will take this time to vanish. He is a master at wandering off.

 

We find Lil C, and I start the “we’re going home soon” routine. Because “soon” means “at some in the next hour when I’ve had ENOUGH” and who knows when that will be. At this point I am exhausted and red-faced and aggravated and just want to go home and have a glass of wine and SIT DOWN. Because I am fat and have RA, but also because four children suck the life out of you at like octo speed.

 

When I have finally had enough of the fighting, running off, fighting and hairy eyeballs, I do make them leave. Getting back to the car is done at a snail’s pace. Once again bigs have forgotten the whole “buddy” concept and left me to wrangle toddlers who do NOT want to get back into the car. They do want to look at rocks and run. away. The big boys are fighting, again. I’ve finally reached my wit’s end with the fighting and tell them to be silent until we get home. So they start arguing with me and asking me for the specific conditions of the silence (i.e. if a car is coming and going to hit one of the babies can I make noise?). The irony is lost on them. I get the littles strapped into their seats while saying “Silent means don’t ask me all of these questions (OOH, I thought I just couldn’t talk to my brother…). Get in your seat and put on your seat belt.”

 

Finally everyone gets strapped in and we drive home. This drive is much like the drive to our destination, except one or both toddlers falls asleep. Which I prefer.

 

When we get home the big boys rush to the door, stand in my way while I try to unlock the door, then take off their coats/shoes and leave them in the floor (right next to the bin where they belong) in front of the door. I make two trips to carry in sleeping babies. If it can be swung, I stay in bed with Lil G after carrying him in. Usually I have to get back up and break up the fight that has erupted in the hallway right in front of the bedroom doors.

 

At this point I am exhausted and frustrated and grumpy, nothing has gotten done at the house and the children are no happier than they were before we left. So I swear to never, ever, do that again. Until I forget the misery and decide to do it again…

 

Govel Govel Dee October 19, 2012

Filed under: Baby G,Little C — arminta @ 4:20 am

For months this has been the last remnant of the “twinspeak” language Baby G and Ladybug used for most of their second year (i.e. from 1 until now). They would use real words when speaking to us, but had their own language for speaking to each other. Except for “govel govel dee.” They both say it and laugh. It as obvious that it meant SOMETHING, but we could not for the life of us figure out WHAT.

 

Until… I got sick last week and let the kids was *gasp* Nickelodeon in the morning before Sesame Street. I am not such a fan of Nickelodeon, but Lil C used to watch it while the babies napped, way back when (literally 9 months ago+). Do you know what comes on Nickelodeon in the morning?

 

Bubble Guppies.

 

When it came on last week both babies started dancing and saying “govel govel dee.” I was unaware they had even seen it before, let alone watched enough of it to be interested in it, or have a word for it.

 

Turns out they’ve been trying to learn the English word for it and I’ve been too dense to put it together. Also, I now let them watch Bubble Guppies once a week.

 

Going Bananas for Bananas January 1, 2012

There are two things that I will openly own being a judgmental bitch about when it comes to parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll judge in private all day long about lots of things, but about two things only will I really be a vocal bitch: healthy 4 & 5 year old’s who still wear diapers and super picky eaters.

 

I get that diapers are a big deal for some kids, especially with pooping. Big C would pee on the potty all day long from 18’ish months, but asked for a diaper and had to go hide and be in a certain position for MONTHS before he finally got to the point where he was all the way out of diapers. But, that was when he was 2. Not 4. When we start getting past three and a half and potty is still an issue, it’s time to talk to the doctor, to make sure everybody’s healthy, then get on the ball. Because you can’t wear diapers to kindergarten. (If you are dealing with a 4-5 year old in diapers, I’m sorry. I get that it’s probably a huge PIA for you and you wish the kid would shit on the pot, too.)

 

The picky eater one, I have always been much less understanding on. Hard to imagine, yes? Here’s my take, you offer kids TONS of variety. Give them lots of healthy options, eventually they will get hungry enough to eat. Little C rocked my world on this hypothesis, a little, but eventually even he came around. See his first nanny would let him eat ANYTHING just to get him to eat. So guess what he was eating? Well, what would you eat if you could eat ANYTHING? Duh, Cool Ranch Doritos and Fruity Pebbles all day! Or, even better, let’s not eat, let’s just drink milk. Gallons and gallons of milk. I did not realize he had been surviving on nothing but trans fat and high fructose corn syrup, so of course when he started coming to my house and was offered things like cheese, strawberries, cantaloupe, apples, broccoli and Cheerios he wouldn’t eat. He was three, and he went two whole days not eating here and only eating at his mom’s. But, eventually, he did try some of my “weird food.” He now eats pretty normally. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a picky eater, but he will try new foods now, and has gotten used to the fact that Aunt Minta just doesn’t let kids eat crap. But see, he was three when we fought this battle…

 

At 16 months those reasoning skills just aren’t there. Likewise… a 16 month will just be a hungry ass until you give them what they want. So, right now, we’re mostly just eating bananas, peanut butter toast and avocados. Because everything else ends up on the floor to screams of “b’NANA!!!!!!!!!!  b’NANA!!!!!!!!!!!” (or, “mmmm st”, that would be mmm toast, which is what I say as I cut it up and put it on his tray, or “CAAAAAAAAAA-do”). Last week, it was eggs. Eggs, eggs and more eggs. Now, eggs are “cucky” and are met with a deliberate head shake and “hunh-uh.” This kid used to bash Indian food like nobody’s business. He was the baby garbage disposal. You needed food eaten? Give it to Baby G, much like Mikey, he’d eat anything. These days, not so much. He’ll eat 7 bananas in a day, or 3 pieces of PB toast in a sitting, sure… But pasta? You must be kidding!

 

Tell me this is just a phase. Tell me I’m not reaping the fruits of my judgement. Lie to me if you have to…

 

Tossing and Turning December 15, 2011

Filed under: Baby G,Blogging,Family,Little C,Rheumatoid Arthritis — arminta @ 2:57 am

I’m sorry that you guys only hear the bad stuff from me. These days it seems time is slipping through my fingers and documenting the good times/feelings/what-not seems to be taking a back seat to, you know, living. But since it is in the dark AM hours, and I can’t sleep, and I’m too lazy to go get another bag of Chex Mix from the basement, and I can’t be bothered to adhere to the rules of decent sentence length, I figured this would be a good time to throw a quick state of the Minta address out there. Oh look, bullets!

 

  • The Babe: Is 10 shades of awesome. I love that kid. This evening he told me “EAT!” and I said “What do you want to eat, buddy?” You know what he said? I’m not even kidding (although I don’t know if he was or not, probably not, though.) “Food!” Yeah, he talks like that. He gives real kisses. To everyone but me. Sometimes me, but Daddy and Ladybug are constantly getting the sugars. I am jealous, especially because at 15 months he has decided that the boob is dead. But those sugars! They make my heart soar. Have I mentioned that I love this kid?
  • The Babe’s Health: Pretty good, but he has had an  official asthma diagnosis, which brought with it a daily inhaled steroid, which brought with it thrush of the every-damn-where. I assume it’s from the steroids, although mama has the thrush every-damn-where, too. Since the new inhaler has come on the scene, we’ve had no major URI’s, though! We had three in a month prior to the inhaler.
  • My Health: Ugh! So, the RA = Bad. Left ankle still a hot ass mess and general feeling of assiness are keeping me down. The weight = bad, because I’m doing things like eating a bag of Chex Mix at 1am. Basically, I’m getting that falling apart/dying slowly feeling again. So, it’s time to get the fuck off my ass and fix it!!!!! I mentioned the head to toe thrush, right?
  • The Family – Minta Edition: Land mine! Let’s see, my sister has proven once again that she is the center of the universe. My dad disagrees, because he is, in fact, the center of the universe. My Mamaw has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and my uncle’s wife is trying to shut her up and never let her leave the house. Lil C is having some crazy jealousy/regression issues.
  • The Family – G Edition: He has been in light contact with Aunt C and has proposed a “truce” on Christmas ala WWII. I have proposed “Hell to the mother fucking no.” In all actuality, he is probably going to take Baby G over to Aunt C’s house on Christmas Eve and allow his mother to visit over there. I am not a fan of this idea, either, but am picking my battles. He says he’s going to call her and Aunt C to talk to them prior to Christmas. I’ve tried to help him organize his thoughts, but we’ll see if he uses any of my suggestions…
  • My Jobs: Yes, jobs! Ya’ll know how I was waffling about obtaining gainful employment? Well, my Etsy shop kind of took off 🙂 So, that’s pretty awesome. Speaking of (and I know this isn’t really the place to do this…) any mommy bloggers looking for free hats, who are willing to write a post showcasing said free hats, please let me know! Baby Hooked Boutique is looking for marketing partners. Other jobs? Still assisting my mother and nanny’ing H’s kiddo’s.

I think you get the gist of things. I think I shall head to bed and attempt to get some sleep. You know, today is my 28th birthday, and we 28 year old’s need our beauty sleep.

 

Funnies May 12, 2011

OK, I had to interrupt the scheduled bitching (oh, yes, there’s more bitching to come) to bring you the funnies of my day 🙂

#1 Conversation between me and Lil C over lunch. Backstory, Uncle G took Lil C to Dick’s Sporting Goods store last Friday.

LC: Can we go to Dick’s house?

Me (having not put 2 & 2 together yet): I don’t know Dick, honey, maybe you can ask your Mommy…

LC: But that’s where my tents are!

Me (aha!): You mean Dick’s at the mall?

LC: Yes!

Me: I can’t go to Dick’s, honey.

LC: Because Uncle G took your car to work?

Me: No, because I’m a girl.

LC: … … … Girls are afraid of Dick’s?

Me: Deathly.

Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!

#2 Conversation between me & G regarding Baby G’s bedtime diaper:

G: Get him a diaper and jammies and I’ll get him ready for bed.

Me: OK!!!! Shit, all his covers are in the dryer! Here, I’ll get you a disposable.

G: What? You trained me on the cotton ones, I don’t know what to do with that!

He can no longer claim he doesn’t know what to do with “the cotton ones” now, though 🙂

 

Look Who Got Behind August 9, 2010

Filed under: Big C,Grown Up Slam Books,Little C — arminta @ 10:49 am

Right then, so I went and bragged on myself for not missing any days then muffed a whole weekend. I’d like to say it was because I had a baby, but in fact it’s because I did a lot of family stuff this weekend and when I wasn’t with family, I was asleep.

So, this is the “day 7” post for the 30 Day Blog Journal, a photo that makes me happy.

There are so many, I’m going to have a hard time choosing just one…

This one ranks pretty high.

as does this one…

and this one…

I think it’s safe to say that all of the pictures that make me happiest feature four very special boys.

 

Week in Review 34 + Some… July 30, 2010

How far along? 34w0d

Maternity clothes? No change in this department. Have decided am too cheap to buy more, so am just doing more laundry.

Body Oddities? Other than the weight loss, odd hair growth patterns, odd hair growth rate, loose flappy skin and constant water retention making neat-o designs in my legs from the sheets? Well, there is the new skin tags developing on “the girls” more specifically the girls “center.” And also, the almighty leakage. I literally woke up in a puddle of breast milk(?) this morning.

Sleep? Even though I was only up to pee twice last night, still was wide awake from 2a-3a and back up for the day around 6a and couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight, so let’s just sum up as “no sleep til Christmas”

Best moment this week? Girl talk lunch with P. We got pizza and locked ourselves in the conference room!

Worst moment? Learning that 30 minutes is pretty much my limit for shopping these days. I ran into a client whilst tying to get out to my car whilst having some sort of “attack” whilst shopping this weekend. It was scary, and also embarrassing… “Hello client, sorry I can’t speak to you, or meet your family am currently experiencing non-stop contractions, that HURT, back breaking back pain, swollen hands and can you see my heart beating? because it feels like you should be able to see it…”

Movement? He feels a little cramped. Like he’s trying to move, but can’t really do much

Food cravings? Chocolate milk

Rings? Alternatively loose and tight with the water retention, but still slides off easily

Intense Dreams? I can’t remember any of them this week.

Medical Concerns? According to DW, we’re not concerned right now…

What I miss? Sleep, dear goodness I miss sleep.

What I look forward to: Does this have to be about the baby, because right now, I’m kind of psyched that the Bengals might really be Super Bowl contenders. Oh, my, to finally have our baby and have our team win the championship in the same year? As G says “we’ll have to have a suicide pact or something, because I just see things getting any better than that” (of course he is joking, but we really do take our football pretty seriously…). OK, seriously, I am looking forward to my work baby shower next week, and to folding and putting away all of those baby clothes I washed last week.

Emotional State? I’m kind of grumpy this week, we’ve had some drama and it’s taking it’s toll on me a bit…

************************************************************************************

Other Stuff:

The Dogs: are pretty much locked in the kitchen unless we’re home & awake. The pug seems to have fleas. I really don’t feel like dealing with this right now. Also, G is on a kick to prove to me that Waldo is fine. As if I WANT to put him down. His main concern is me hitting postpartum depression (the one post -baby health concern he has read up on) and mourning the loss of Waldo at the same time. But, it’s not like I WANT to put Waldo down, I just want to be sure we are doing what’s best for him and he’s not doing great.

The Fam Part 1: Mother has convinced me to throw a shower for the sister. I shouldn’t word it like that… I want to do that (I’ve tried two other times, but shit has happened, as it sometimes does), but so close to mine? Oy vey! But, Little C has been going into Baby G’s room and looking at the empty gift bags and calling them Baby C’s presents and he’s right, Baby C deserves presents and a celebration, too. But, I’m kind of stressing because now, my August is BOOKED. I have no free Saturdays, two free Sundays and may have a baby at any time in there.

The Fam Part 2: All hell has broken loose between G’s brother and his baby mama. Very long story short… Aunt C has been noticing that H has been acting funny during diaper changes and baths. She was concerned that she had an infection that caused her girl bits to hurt. Then last week H started saying her 8 year old cousins name while refusing to allow anyone to change her diaper or wash her bits in the bath. This, naturally, concerned all involved. At this point they decided the best course of action was to rush her to the hospital (fyi, I disagree with that particular course of action), which resulted in a nurse calling the baby mama (they are friends, it was a HIPPA violation), which resulted in a slew of redneck, white trash bitches (I don’t like J or her family) descending upon the Children’s hospital making a scene. J has not allowed our family to see H since. So Little Brother is FINALLY filing for a proper custody agreement, which he hadn’t been doing because of child support, but has FINALLY seen the light on. And now we are having meetings with CPS and H is seeing a psychologist and all hell has broken loose. My take: I don’t know if H was touched inappropriately, and if she was both she and the 8 year old need to be treated and helped. 8 year old’s don’t get that idea on their own, so he also needs help and it isn’t his fault. But… there had to be a lower drama way to handle the situation that wouldn’t be so stressful on everyone, ESPECIALLY H. Also, Little Brother should have been paying child support and maintaining a PROPER custody agreement from DAY 1.

The Fam Part 3: Remember how I was talking about G’s cousin having some marital issues and G’s mother getting overly involved at a funeral? I did… Quick recap: In April G’s cousin and his wife reconciled after a 1 year separation which was caused by her being unfaithful. They have been together and all has been seemingly well until yesterday, when G and his mother decided to have lunch together at G’s favorite chain steakhouse. Where they saw the cousin-in-law and her boyfriend. In an ultimate twist of irony, they didn’t see her until after G had spent 15 minutes telling his mother how pissed I was at her for begging me to have a July 4th party then not showing (or calling) and then not showing (or calling) for my shower either, after I defended her to the family. G is pretty sure that she heard him. Obviously, G’s mother intends to tell and tell big. But, G wants left out of it. I’d kind of like to see her busted, because I’m pissed at her, but like G I’m not wanting to be involved in their drama. And… she did give me a crib.

Work: Let’s put it this way, I won’t be getting paid on-time, AGAIN. After the passive aggressive game playing of last pay period. Plus, my boss is better at everyone else’s jobs than they are, so there’s no need to even show up to meetings and provide input, it won’t used. Sofa King Done!