Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Where I Was December 10, 2012

I was here, duh!

 

OK, so, I know I said I was going to stop bitching and what-not. But, this is not depressed whining. I swearz!

 

Actually, given all that’s been going on I’m doing remarkably well in that dept.   But, I have been quite down with my RA. Also, I didn’t have a computer for a few weeks because some asshat decided to break into my house (while I was picking the kids up from school, and much like Goldilocks he was still here when we got home) and steal my laptop and all of my jewelry (including a ring from my Great-Grandma). Also, between upper respiratory viruses and asthma and puking/fever viruses we’ve been pretty much sick for 5 weeks.

 

So, that’s where I’ve been, computer-less and up to my knees in puke & poop. Aren’t you glad you asked?

 

(But, I’ll tell you this… my husband was a ROCKSTAR this weekend. He has pneumonia and half of the tummy bug and still took care of me & the boy all weekend. Well, Saturday he kind of had to because I was unconscious and had a 104 degree fever (farenheit, yo), but Friday and Sunday were all voluntary!)

 

(Also, Ladybug is now making me pay hardcore for being sick on Friday and not watching her.)

 

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Bad Blogger! July 4, 2012

Oh hey look, it’s that crap blogger who only seems to write when she wants to bitch or brag!

 

Well, that wasn’t very nice… True, maybe, but still!

 

OK, so I’m sorry for being such a bad friend. I am still having a hard time with my bloggity mojo (duh!). But, also, I do feel so much better about things when I’m writing on the regular. Ya’ll are like my pensieve. I guess that would make me a very unimportant Albus Dumbledore with Appalachian roots. (This is where those of you with family in the hollar say “I don’t reckon!” and then we laugh at the people who don’t hail from Kentucky because they don’t have any clue what we’re talking about!)

 

Gee whiz, where was I? Oh, yeah, non-bitchy updates 🙂 I think bullets are in order!

  • Right this very minute my G’s are at the mall with Aunt C. Which I’m cool with. My feelings are still very hurt over the way things went down. G says she was crying today and saying she misses me. It’s very confusing. I miss her. I miss that side of the family. We were friends. Good friends. But, I don’t know if this is a fixable rip or not. I’ve told G that she will have to make the first move. I simply cannot.
  • That wasn’t bitching.
  • Everyone is finally better! After our adeno exploits (literally, we were not all the way over the adeno, yet) poor Mr. G came down with Hand, Foot and Mouth (I am very mature, as you well know, and had much fun calling it the cock-suckie virus when talking to G and no children were around) THEN! before that was gone he got Chicken Pox, too! And, G and H INSISTED we keep the kids separated this time, too and guess what? Both babies got both illnesses. What a waste. I would have rather kept them together. But, Ladybug got the pox pretty badly for having been vaccinated. G only got 3 pox total (he’s also vaccinated). But, now, they are both better! And have been for like a week! Yay!
  • “You should totally write about vaccines and your opinions thereof” said No One, ever. But, I think I might anyway;)
  • Another post no one cares about, but I feel the need to write? I’m giving up… on trying to cure myself with food. Meaning? I’m back on the Weight Watchers band wagon. If you are also on WW, let’s totally hang out and eat imaginary chocolate while discussing Points Plus values.
  • Weight loss has become health priority one. Because? It’s one I actually have some amount of control over. I had leetle revelation about myself, health and weight recently. Still lacking the “something” to do much with it… but, am working on it.
  • My mom was a bit less than 10 years older than I am now when Big C was born. I am an old mama. I am gonna be a really old grandma (hopefully). This body has to last. I have to take better care of it.
  • I cut my own hair, and… it’s one of my all time favorite haircuts. For realz. It was like 3am and I couldn’t sleep, so I Youtube’d some “cut your own hair” video’s. Thinking? I’ll mess it up and HAVE to get it fixed, thus forcing me to get out and get my unruly ass locks under control. But? LOVE my self cut.
  • Seriously considering dying my hair cotton candy pink. Because? I can.
  • Lil G is almost 2!!! This Sesame Street party is going to be epic! I’ve decided to just invite people and if no one shows again (no kids, other than the C’s, showed for his 1st party) then we’ll still have fun. I’m letting go of the nonsense. I really I could invite ya’ll. I think the drive is just too long for Jack and Ginny and Gremlin, though 😦
  • If you disagree, or have always wanted to visit Ohio in August, by all means let me know. Because I’m serious about wishing there was a feasible way to let our bloggity babes get to know our bloggity friends’ bloggity babes.
  • I think I’m gonna take a nap.

 

 

Feeling a Little Better & a Little Worse March 31, 2012

Better:

Being spring break and all, I finally bit the dust and conquered three rooms of my house. The kitchen, living room and bathroom are CLEAN, yo! My mom came on Thursday and pulled out the appliances and whatnot in the kitchen and got it really clean, even in the “invisible” spaces. Then she helped me flip over my heavy arse living room furniture, so we could clean under there, too. I found ALL the missing toys. Poor Bert’s been under there since Thanksgiving! So, I feel so much better about the house. It no longer feels like this:

 

Also, I did go food shopping and bought the stuff to make five of the Pinterest meals I was salivating over the most. So far one was awful and two were great. When these meals are gone, I’m going to start my juice fast. The hubs is in complete agreement on this plan. So, next week I’ll be back on the juice wagon.

 

I think I mentioned that I stopped the Arava. Which was the breeding un-friendly drug. We have decided to still spend a couple of months actively preventing, then we’ll re-address. Or, as I like to phrase it, we should have listened to Mrs. Gamgee in the first darn place!

 

Worse:

Holy sickballs, Batman! I freaking hate being sick. I have been sick less than normal, though, what with not interacting with the public on the daily anymore and actually building some kind of immune system with my juicer. But, this latest bug got me and Baby G square in the ears, nose and throat. He was really bad for a couple of days (wouldn’t eat of drink, getting on the verge of needing IV fluids), but thankfully forcing water and medicine down his throat seemed to have worked, because he’s drinking today and less cranky pants. He’s napping now, and has been down 2 hours, which is twice as long as he napped yesterday, so fingers crossed he’s on the mend. Because I am not. I feel asstastic! Gonna take a nap myself I think when the hubs gets home.

 

The brokeness is wearing thin. I miss having disposable income. Less than 2 years until the big credit card is paid off, though, then we will have money again. Hanging in there…

 

Out of Control March 26, 2012

Right now, my life feels out of control. As in I have no idea where to start to get back on track. Or even where the track is. I’ve been drifting. Treading water. Lately, I’m just drowning… So, I need to get some goals in line and get my lazy ass in gear!

 

  •  House: My house is a mess. MESS. Embarrassingly messy. This is not me. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to clean. But, I’ve always had one of those houses where a quick trip through to pick up the out of place stuff was all that was needed to prep for company. Then I had a baby. And that baby came with stuff. A giant truck load of stuff. And it ate my house. And it overwhelmed me. Now my kitchen floor needs mopped, my toilet is gross and the laundry monster is threatening to suffocate me in my sleep. Unacceptable. So, what am I gonna do about it? Well, it is spring break… I suppose I need to clean this shit up. Then get myself a little plan together for keeping on top of it.
  • Food: I haven’t been food shopping in two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, we still have food left from the last trip. I could probably feed my family for another week or two without going to the store. Not wholesome or nutritious meals, but meals… Yeah, I need to make a shopping list and get my arse to the store.
  • Health: Pinterest be damned, I have to do a juice fast. At the end of my 10 day-er last summer I had lost a bunch of weight and my RA was starting to feel better. It was working. I need to get back on it. Give it a couple of months. Holy hell, if I could lose 50 pounds (200’s I could be in the 200’s!!!) and get my RA better in control my energy would SKY ROCKET. I need energy. I know juice fasting brings me energy. My hang up here is just how much I enjoy yummy tasting food, and the comfort of a nice warm, filling meal. But, I need to put that on the back burner. Temporary pleasure is so much less important than improving my quality of life right now. Those temporary pleasures will ultimately decrease my QOL, a juice fast will improve it. I’m gonna do it. I am!
  • Marriage: Yeah, so RPL and crazy families and conflicting parenting styles… not so good for the marriage. We haven’t had sex since we found out that Nora was miscarrying. That’s been like 5 or 6 weeks now. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I was going to say it’s the last thing I want to do right now, but then I realized I probably would rather have sex than properly clean my house… Still this is one of the longest stretches we’ve ever gone and typically for us, no sex is not a good sign. We fight almost every night. He’s driving me crazy. Between saying just stupid shit about current events that don’t even affect us, to totally killing me on the discipline front to making shitty-ass little comments he is driving me bonkers. I don’t know how to turn things around. I don’t have an action plan for this one. Maybe fixing the other things will help it?
  • My Appearance: The longer I’ve been out of the work force the rattier my clothing has gotten. My mom infused my wardrobe with some of her clothes she doesn’t wear, but… it’s still not quite a wardrobe anymore. I spend most of my days in pajamas, my shirts have stains on them and nothing fits right or matches. On top of all that, I need a haircut, my nails are a mess and my eyebrows look like Huxley’s. Good grief, why would he even want to have sex with me? Anyway, we don’t really have the cash to invest in how I look, and it’s been low priority to me (obviously), but I’m starting to think maybe it I spruced me up a little I might be able to kick this depression faster?
  • Homeschooling: This isn’t so much school as just doing activities with the littles. I started wanting to do something to enrich their little brains everyday, or at least a couple times a week. But, I don’t. I need to get with it, though. Even though the TV is valuable for a small bit during the day, I’m finding the more out of control I feel, the more TV we’re watching. Less TV more activities!!!
  • Business: Actually have a plan here! Am going to focus more on patterns. This will hopefully result in more cash… Have 6 more hats to ship, then will be caught up.
  • Writing: I have so many ideas!!! Must make myself write everyday.

OK, I think I feel better. At least have the start of a start of a proper to-do list.

 

Updates & Whatnot March 15, 2012

So, I promised you an update on the situation La Diabla. Plus, you know, there’s other stuff going on, too. The world did not stop moving just because my body killed another innocent baby. Weird how that happens.

 

– La Diabla: So, G took Baby G over to Aunt C’s a couple of times on Sunday morning when I was in the throws of 1st trimestery zombieland. His Aunt C called La Diabla so she could come see the baby, too. Grr… Now, we have long agreed that she will not dictate how we live our lives. For instance, if we are out in public and she turns up, we will go on about our business. But, to me, this is a little different. I feel he should have left. Not because I wanted him to (although the thought of that troll touching my baby makes me want to hurl), but because he told her that he wasn’t interested in seeing her and that he didn’t want her around his son. If you’re going to say things like that, you need to back them up. But, that’s his business. He made it sound like he was unhappy that she turned up and blah, blah, blah, then… did the same bloody thing the following weekend. He’s not being honest with someone, and I think it’s himself. So, I cannot tolerate this whole pretending that nothings happened nonsense, nor do I want that unrepentant bitch anywhere near my child. In other times I might have played it cool, but now that Baby G is involved I actually stood up for my family and told G that she is NOT to be around my son. Period. If she desires a relationship with any member of this family (other than G, I have no right to but in there) then she will agree to family counseling. No counseling, no relationship. She’ll never do it. But, I figure if she does, we all benefit. If she doesn’t, I am able to say I remained willing to make things work, but that she was the uncooperative one. I’m not normally one for games (and I do think that is kind of a game, because I know she won’t ever agree to family counseling), but desperate times…

 

– Once again, I am so pissed that things have worked out this way. Because even though I don’t really like my MIL, she could be really useful. Not only that, we could be friends of sorts. She would be a good one for taking the kids out and couponing together and stuff like that. I wish we could have that kind of relationship. That’s probably why I set the condition of family counseling. I know it’ll never happen. I need to not even let myself think it. But, I do. I wish it could be like that. I hate that I wish that. I wish I could really hate her as much as I want to.

 

– My Health: Sucks. My RA is out of control, I’m in so much pain. I wish I could just feel good. Or, even OK. But, as it is, I’m always tired and achy. My feet hurt so bad and my left ankle is nearly unbearable by bedtime. So, I asked Dr. Rheumy for new drugs today. Strong drugs. Drugs that we’ve been avoiding because we’ve been pro-creating, and now we’re not. She gave me drugs. I am pleasantly stoned right now. I wouldn’t say I’m in much less pain (not that I expected to be on the first day), but, who gives a shit? I’m nice an relaxed. This isn’t really what I want, though…

 

– So What the Hell Do I Want?: Yeah, another big topic around here. Apparently I need goals. Not just for me, either, for the whole family. We need to stop drifting this way. Now that we’ve decided to actively prevent pregnancy, it feels like a whole new world has opened to us. More on this to come.

 

The Strongest Full Moon Since Ever October 13, 2011

I’m not normally overly affected by the whole moon situation, or really even my own little lunar cycle. PMS happens from time to time, but usually, not so much. The Time itself sucks ass. But the week or so prior too? Not usually a big deal.

This month has been a massive Exception To The Rule. Massive. All week I’ve been a cranky bitch. Scratch that, a LAZY, cranky bitch. Watching myself objectively, I totally see that. In the moment, I am SO JUSTIFIED in being a beached killer whale (do orca beach? am too lazy to find out) with an attitude problem.

This leads me to theories (because, duh, I’m not doing anything else*, might as well be making theories):

  • The moons pull is somehow stronger than normal this month**
  • On the rare month I feel this way, I’ve released more than one egg (hah! I’m just assuming my lazy f’ing ovaries released even one egg!)
  • I am in fact possessed by the spirit of a woman who hates me and likes to see me hurt feelings and let my house go to hell, just for kicks.
  • Does anyone else think Pumped Up Kicks is just a more catchy version of the song Teenagers by My Chemical Romance?
  • I love My Chemical Romance and Blink 182. Especially Blink 182.
  • I know this isn’t supposed to be a random list of crazy, but I’m feeling really distractable and rambly, and hey whatever, it’s my blog.

* I am in fact doing a lot else. The Baby G & I both have strep, so just today I navigated taking all of the children to doctors appt’s for both of us (got lots of compliments on how well behaved the kiddies are, too). And you know, strep + baby = a ton of crying which = being attached to Mama. (Mama is not complaining. I’d rather he be attached to me and happy, but at this point, I’ll take all the cuddles I can get.)

** Once again, am entirely too lazy to verify the science involved with this theory. Let’s just assume it’s possible, eh?

You know what would really be good right now? Sleep. Chocolate. Percocet. Sleep.

 

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Benedryl October 8, 2011

 and Eye Drops…

and Pedialyte…

and now Mommy needs liquor…

Aaah, sick season, how I didn’t miss you. You dirty, germy whore. (and I wonder why all my search traffic comes from pervy guys looking for squirty boob porn…)

Right then. So, it’s been raining and pouring ’round these parts for nearly a month now. (Figuratively, of course, the actual rainy weather is curiously MIA.) You know, of course, about The Really Bad Week, but since then we’ve dealt with fun things like An Allergic Reaction to Cinnamon. Cinnamon?!?!?! Specifically cheap Aldi cinnamon. Way to go, Mom, tried to save $1.50, had to spend $2 on Benedryl. (Also, hello! Benedryl is only $2… talk about a good deal.) Thankfully, the reaction wasn’t severe and the pediatrician said just give him some Benedryl and watch him for 24 hours and everything was OK. But, seriously, watching your kids face puff up and turn fire engine red because his breakfast touched it? SCARY AS HELL!

Then things were OK, for 2 or 3 days and I found out that Big C spent a fuck-ton of money ($130 to be exact) on my X-Box live account and X-Box is being very “watch your damn kids better, idiot” about it (understandable). So, that sucks. But Big C is being very, well, Big C about it. Which is INFURIATING. He has clearly not been beaten enough (I do not actually believe in beating children. I do believe in joking about beating them to other grown ups when I am very mad with their actions.). That or he has ADHD and ODD. Fucking labels. I’m not really sure how I feel about the labeling, nor how to properly handle this shit knowing that part of this is out of his control, except, is it? I don’t know. GRRRR. Anyone with ADHD/ODD experience please feel free to chime in and educate my ass. I’m rather at a loss…

Oh right, and the baby’s sick. We officially have our first case of family pink eye! Complete with matching goop! And… because one inconvenient, highly contagious illness isn’t enough… we also have matching poop! You know what’s a lot of fun? Changing, and I shit you not (shit! hah, I’m so funny), 10 poopy diapers for one baby in one day! Just imagine being the poor kid making 10 poopy diapers in one day. Poor guy. Diarreha and toddlers do not mix. Especially toddlers with itchy, goopy eyes. (Technically, eye, I started the drops in both eyes to prevent the spread!)

I know there is good stuff…

I know these are only blips in the grand scheme of things…

But, sometimes, one just needs a good whine.