Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Dinner Was Great… For Me to Piss On February 26, 2013

Filed under: Baby G,Diet,Rheumatoid Arthritis — arminta @ 12:04 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Today was a meh kind of day. My RA has been sucking balls and since the new treatment last week I’ve been running fevers off and on, so energy low + pain high + fighting kids + dramz and woe with the new insurance + OMG they want dinner again?!?!?!?! = My Day. With all of that going on I really didn’t enforce the new “underwear” rule all day (or any other rule if we’re being honest… actually, we watched movies all day and had a picnic in bed).

 

** Side Note: These two children love to be naked. Not since Big C have I seen a kid who enjoys nudity so much. As you may well know, I am pretty chill about things. Obviously, if it’s cold or we’re leaving or having company, I make them put on clothes, but otherwise I had been letting them decide to get dressed (or undressed) or not. Seems a small thing to me and it’s really important to them. But recently, someone became a little too interested in his business for Mom-Mom’s comfort. By which I mean WAY TOO interested in his parts, to the point of always having a hand in the cookie jar and having the *ahem* proof sticking out at full attention. So, I made a rule that we wear underwear all of the time now. Chill, though I may be, baby boners give me the creeps, ya’ll. **

 

But, I did get off of my arse and make dinner. It seemed kind of important… nutrition and family time and all that jazz. I wanted chili, Lil G wanted pesto. So, I compromised and made a new recipe and it was AWESOME. Everyone loved it. Seriously. Lil G loved it so much he peed. All over his plate, and the dinner table in general. Of course, had I enforced the underwear rule no one’s dinner would have been ruined by this unfortunate accident timing. The icing? After he was done he looks at me and says “That wasn’t cool, Mom, clean it up!” As if I were the one that just pissed all over dinner.

The plate of doom. Thankfully the cukes, some of the quinoa, chickpeas and broccoli had been eaten before the plate had to be pitched.

* Also, no, he does not eat that much. I offer way more than I expect him to eat.

 

Minta’s Pesto Quinoa & Chickpeas

serves 4 (generously)

– 1 cup plain Quinoa (rinsed)

– 2 cups chicken broth (or 1 can if that’s what you’re into)

– 1 small jar Pesto

– 2 TBS olive oil (divided)

– 3 cups diced mirepoix (mine comes frozen in a bag from Kroger)

– 1 can Diced Tomatoes

– 1 can Chickpeas

– 2 tsp Garlic Powder

– 1 tsp Italian Seasoning

– 1 tsp Onion Powder

 

1) Cook quinoa in chicken broth and 2 Tbs pesto. I use my rice cooker for this step, you can cook quinoa on the stovetop, too. (Boil broth, add quinoa, simmer 15 minutes, remove from heat, fluff with fork)

2) In 12″ saute pan, heat remaining 2 Tbs EVOO over med heat. Saute mirepoix 5 minutes, or until carrots are crisp tender. Add spices, 1/4 cup pesto, chickpeas and tomatoes. Heat through.

Mirepoix and chickpeas

3) When quinoa is done cooking, stir it into the chickpea mixture.

4) Serve topped with 1 Tbs pesto.

My actual dinner. Notice how I didn’t mix the quinoa and beans? Mistake!

 

Shh… don’t tell anyone, but this is really just beans and rice with quinoa instead of rice and Italian flavors instead of Cajun.

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Where I Was December 10, 2012

I was here, duh!

 

OK, so, I know I said I was going to stop bitching and what-not. But, this is not depressed whining. I swearz!

 

Actually, given all that’s been going on I’m doing remarkably well in that dept.   But, I have been quite down with my RA. Also, I didn’t have a computer for a few weeks because some asshat decided to break into my house (while I was picking the kids up from school, and much like Goldilocks he was still here when we got home) and steal my laptop and all of my jewelry (including a ring from my Great-Grandma). Also, between upper respiratory viruses and asthma and puking/fever viruses we’ve been pretty much sick for 5 weeks.

 

So, that’s where I’ve been, computer-less and up to my knees in puke & poop. Aren’t you glad you asked?

 

(But, I’ll tell you this… my husband was a ROCKSTAR this weekend. He has pneumonia and half of the tummy bug and still took care of me & the boy all weekend. Well, Saturday he kind of had to because I was unconscious and had a 104 degree fever (farenheit, yo), but Friday and Sunday were all voluntary!)

 

(Also, Ladybug is now making me pay hardcore for being sick on Friday and not watching her.)

 

Duh, Depression, Igit November 1, 2012

Guess what? This is not going to be another long list of woe and forelorn! I mean it WAS going to be, then I thought “Oh my, you’re boring! That’s all you’ve posted in ages and by the way *yawn*” So, I decided to look back and see just how long it’s been that I’ve been barely posting and when I do it’s mostly bitching. Hmm, well turns out that started right around the time I lost Nora. I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you guys were all quite aware that I am battling depression… I on the other hand, was not. I thought I was doing really well, just dealing with lots of hard shit* (I am dealing with hard shit, but not literally because that would mean I was pregnant and I’m not, anyhoo we’re talking figurative hard shit). But, now that I look back, I can see quite clearly “duh, depression!”

 

I suppose part of this revelation came from G. He asked the marriage counselor last week if he could stop coming and just send me alone. When she asked what the hell that was all about he whispered “I think she’s depressed.” At which point the counselor looked at me and I burst into tears and said “No I’m not, my life is just spiraling out of control, everything is upside down and I’m getting fatter and fatter and my health is shit and the kids are bad and why can’t I just sleep for like 4 days, then I’ll feel better and be able to get shit under control!” To which she replied “I think you’re depressed. Can you get anything off of your plate for a bit? I see you headed for a massive crash and burn.”

 

So, the next morning I decided to take it easy. Play with the babies, do some crochet work and mostly just chill. For real, not like my normal escapism, but really relax with the littles. I also started some baby steps towards getting the house and everything else back under control. It’s been a week and I’m feeling ever so much better. Not BETTER, but getting there. One of the baby steps I’m taking is finding things to get out of my house everyday. Obviously, if I’m feeling suffocated by stuff, there’s too much of it. Amazingly, getting just 20 misc. items out of the house made a HUGE difference. That’s good. (Iffin’s you want to do a little baby stepping with me, here’s the blog I’m following along to http://moneysavingmom.com/2012/05/4-weeks-to-a-more-organized-home-printable-checklist-and-daily-email-reminders.html)

 

Also, under the advice of the counselor I’m letting G do stuff around the house. As much as I can. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to deal with him touching my dishwasher or laundry, but… I am not letting it rankle me so much when he does things like put toys away (even in the wrong bins) or get Lil G ready for bed (even in out of season jammies, before his bath and giving him a second milk bottle). This is big for me, guys. Super duper big. It seems more stressful at first, but then it isn’t. It’s really weird. For real, I’m not one that lets people help me, this is gigantic.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know I’ve finally seen the light and am working on not being so boring and whiny 🙂

 

* Hard Shit:

– Nieces in foster care, one is angry at the world the other ran away for two weeks (to be with her sexually abusive bio-dad) and is now in jeuvenille detention.

– Mom moved out of state. My mom. The only person G would let babysit. My best friend. My mommy**. Moved.

– Big C is such a challenge. I love him, but Whole E. Hell that kid tests my patience.

– Someone gave Lil G the memo that he is two now and terribleness has commenced 🙂

– My psycho-MIL is amping up again.

– RA can suck my ballz.

– Where my money? I need, I need cash.

 

** Yes, I am a grown ass woman that calls her mother “Mommy,” deal with it.

 

Festering Black Hole of Negativity September 26, 2012

Ya’ll, I’m sorry that you only get to hear the bitching and whining (mostly) and that I’ve been a piss poor commenter lately. Where have I heard that before? Oh, right, my every single post for the last year! Good fucking grief.

 

I don’t know what I was thinking taking on nanny’ing and a small business and being home full time. I must have been out of my damned mind. I mean, for real. I feel pulled in every which direction, am frazzled and bitchy by 5pm every day (am I maybe tired from staying up all night? you, voice, can feel free to shut the fuck up!) and never feel like anything gets done. I make a list, I blow it off. Am.Lazy.

 

But, I’m not. I don’t feel like I get a break, ever. So, I guess, all of my dicking around and blowing off my list is my way of getting a break? But it doesn’t work. Sometimes I think life would be so much easier if I just got a job. But, I’d miss my little man too much. Plus, the whole point of staying home was to raise him up right and that job isn’t nearly done.

 

So, you want a little bullety synopsis of what’s up?

  • Nanny life: My sister, the ever game player, has been telling her kids that they’re going to daycare. She has not told me this. She did recently ask me to reduce my rate because the boys were in school now. I had to remind her that 1) I didn’t raise the rate this summer or last when I had Big C all day, so why would losing Lil C for a couple of hours a day warrant a rate change? and 2) I now have to drive to get the boys everyday which costs gas money and is an added expense due to their going back to school, also 3) the new school schedule completely fucked the babies nap schedule so I now get 0 time without at least one baby. To which she immediately began going on about how broke she is and how my husband makes more than she does. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I wish that I was in the position to be able to watch the kids for free, but I’m not. That money is our grocery/household money. It feeds and diapers HER kids. So frustrating.
  • Also, Big C recently told me that his mother told him that I tried to “take him away from her” and that’s why they have to keep secrets from me. Oh my fucking god! There’s a big ass can of worms. For the record… I did see an attorney to determine how to best handle custody and substance abuse issues. A long time ago. When it was clearly an issue. I told her then that I didn’t want her kids, I wanted HER to want her kids. I told him “Your mom was not well back then and I took measures to be sure you’d be with family and not separated from your brother, no matter what. I’m very disappointed that she would bring that up to you.” If it gets brought up again, there’s no guarantee I won’t tell him the whole fucking truth.
  • As if that wasn’t enough, his ADHD/ODD is out of control. Probably partially due to the fact that his “dad” is talking about getting married. Partially due to the fact that his mom is playing crazy mind games. And, a lot to do with new school year/new school stresses. I have said umpteen trillion times that I’d take him to some kind of sport/class to help with discipline and with getting him into someone else’s hair. My mom has offered to pay for such activity. He has not been enrolled. He also has yet to see a behavioral therapist because “a girl a work has similar issues with her kid and a therapist didn’t help them.” So, why bother doing what’s best for your kid, right? I mean kid”S” because his bullshit stresses the other kids, too.
  • You know what else? My MIL is a bitch. Not new news, I know. This psycho actually called my husband and offered him $1k out of nowhere today. Because money is the key to making up for being a family wrecking bitch? Oh, wait, no, that’s a sincere apology, and actually feeling remorse for being such an evil, nasty, mean spirited, ignorant, crazy bitch. #NeverGonnaHappen.
  • But, here’s something that did happen… for some unknown reason my husband felt the need to tell this insane person that he wasn’t “allowed” to talk to her anymore because the therapist and I said so. Un-motherfucking-believable. Grow a pair of goddamned balls. No mention of his decisions. No mention of the umpteen million times I’ve said “you are a grown up and can make your own decisions, but, my son will not have a relationship with her unless she agrees to family counseling.” Which, personally, I think is pretty damned reasonable. No, he just throws me under the bus, again.
  • The counseling is a bit mixed. She’s spending a lot of time on teaching biblical marriage principles. Which, OK, fine. I mean the top thing she keeps talking about is “protection” and he threw me to fucking wolves just this week, so I’m starting to think this is a waste of money and time. Use the “talking stick” and you’ll never fight again… follow the bible and your marriage will be awesome. Whatever… Seriously, here’s how the issues stack up. His w/ me: I sometimes let the baby play with things he probably shouldn’t, I don’t keep the house as clean as we’d both like and I don’t like giving blow jobs all of the time. Mine w/ him: He doesn’t stand up for our family in a mature way with people who are attacking us, he treats me like the help, he hovers over me second guessing my every decision related to the baby, he spends WAY too much money and I’m left to pick up the pieces and the list goes on. There has been “some” improvement since counseling started, but none in the most major of issues.
  • My kid won’t pull down his pants and piss in the potty. Even for chocolate. Oh, he’ll go if he’s nude, but cover up that bird and he pisses every where.
  • I’m broke. Not BROKE, but “broke.”
  • My RA is crazy. Which is probably the catalyst for the depression and bitching. I actually found something that helps. But… it makes me sleepy for days. And, G bitches whenever I take it. Also, I don’t like the way it makes me feel (well, I like the longer term feeling, but the immediate feeling is to intense for me). So, I is screwed.
  • The icing: G asks me the other day “are we going to have another baby or what?” No, I’m not kidding.
 

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Bad Blogger! July 4, 2012

Oh hey look, it’s that crap blogger who only seems to write when she wants to bitch or brag!

 

Well, that wasn’t very nice… True, maybe, but still!

 

OK, so I’m sorry for being such a bad friend. I am still having a hard time with my bloggity mojo (duh!). But, also, I do feel so much better about things when I’m writing on the regular. Ya’ll are like my pensieve. I guess that would make me a very unimportant Albus Dumbledore with Appalachian roots. (This is where those of you with family in the hollar say “I don’t reckon!” and then we laugh at the people who don’t hail from Kentucky because they don’t have any clue what we’re talking about!)

 

Gee whiz, where was I? Oh, yeah, non-bitchy updates 🙂 I think bullets are in order!

  • Right this very minute my G’s are at the mall with Aunt C. Which I’m cool with. My feelings are still very hurt over the way things went down. G says she was crying today and saying she misses me. It’s very confusing. I miss her. I miss that side of the family. We were friends. Good friends. But, I don’t know if this is a fixable rip or not. I’ve told G that she will have to make the first move. I simply cannot.
  • That wasn’t bitching.
  • Everyone is finally better! After our adeno exploits (literally, we were not all the way over the adeno, yet) poor Mr. G came down with Hand, Foot and Mouth (I am very mature, as you well know, and had much fun calling it the cock-suckie virus when talking to G and no children were around) THEN! before that was gone he got Chicken Pox, too! And, G and H INSISTED we keep the kids separated this time, too and guess what? Both babies got both illnesses. What a waste. I would have rather kept them together. But, Ladybug got the pox pretty badly for having been vaccinated. G only got 3 pox total (he’s also vaccinated). But, now, they are both better! And have been for like a week! Yay!
  • “You should totally write about vaccines and your opinions thereof” said No One, ever. But, I think I might anyway;)
  • Another post no one cares about, but I feel the need to write? I’m giving up… on trying to cure myself with food. Meaning? I’m back on the Weight Watchers band wagon. If you are also on WW, let’s totally hang out and eat imaginary chocolate while discussing Points Plus values.
  • Weight loss has become health priority one. Because? It’s one I actually have some amount of control over. I had leetle revelation about myself, health and weight recently. Still lacking the “something” to do much with it… but, am working on it.
  • My mom was a bit less than 10 years older than I am now when Big C was born. I am an old mama. I am gonna be a really old grandma (hopefully). This body has to last. I have to take better care of it.
  • I cut my own hair, and… it’s one of my all time favorite haircuts. For realz. It was like 3am and I couldn’t sleep, so I Youtube’d some “cut your own hair” video’s. Thinking? I’ll mess it up and HAVE to get it fixed, thus forcing me to get out and get my unruly ass locks under control. But? LOVE my self cut.
  • Seriously considering dying my hair cotton candy pink. Because? I can.
  • Lil G is almost 2!!! This Sesame Street party is going to be epic! I’ve decided to just invite people and if no one shows again (no kids, other than the C’s, showed for his 1st party) then we’ll still have fun. I’m letting go of the nonsense. I really I could invite ya’ll. I think the drive is just too long for Jack and Ginny and Gremlin, though 😦
  • If you disagree, or have always wanted to visit Ohio in August, by all means let me know. Because I’m serious about wishing there was a feasible way to let our bloggity babes get to know our bloggity friends’ bloggity babes.
  • I think I’m gonna take a nap.

 

 

The Health, It Sucks May 25, 2012

So, part of my appt with Dr Rheumy was getting my routine blood work done. The MGUS levels are all staying pretty normal, thankfully. No one’s too worried about that right now (yay!).

 

But, as you are all well aware I’ve been in a depressed funk for a while and OMG THE PAIN. So, she ran some tests to look for other issues.

 

And found one. FUCK!

 

You know vitamin D is important shit, right? I knew it prevented rickets, but otherwise wasn’t too sure what it was doing. Turns out it’s a hormone, and is involved in all kinds of body functions. If your vitamin D is low you can’t absorb calcium, or lose weight. And if it gets too low you’re at risk for organ (especially heart) failure. So that seems like a big deal. Turns out I am “severely” vitamin D deficient.

 

How severely? Well, “optimum” levels are 50-80. 30 is the lowest possible “normal” reading. Organ failure and rickets concerns start at 5. Mine is a 6.

 

Spent the morning in the sun with the small people. Have giant ass supplements to take (prescription strength vitamin D, what, what). Am probably going to die anyway. (being melodramatic…)

 

Out of Control March 26, 2012

Right now, my life feels out of control. As in I have no idea where to start to get back on track. Or even where the track is. I’ve been drifting. Treading water. Lately, I’m just drowning… So, I need to get some goals in line and get my lazy ass in gear!

 

  •  House: My house is a mess. MESS. Embarrassingly messy. This is not me. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to clean. But, I’ve always had one of those houses where a quick trip through to pick up the out of place stuff was all that was needed to prep for company. Then I had a baby. And that baby came with stuff. A giant truck load of stuff. And it ate my house. And it overwhelmed me. Now my kitchen floor needs mopped, my toilet is gross and the laundry monster is threatening to suffocate me in my sleep. Unacceptable. So, what am I gonna do about it? Well, it is spring break… I suppose I need to clean this shit up. Then get myself a little plan together for keeping on top of it.
  • Food: I haven’t been food shopping in two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, we still have food left from the last trip. I could probably feed my family for another week or two without going to the store. Not wholesome or nutritious meals, but meals… Yeah, I need to make a shopping list and get my arse to the store.
  • Health: Pinterest be damned, I have to do a juice fast. At the end of my 10 day-er last summer I had lost a bunch of weight and my RA was starting to feel better. It was working. I need to get back on it. Give it a couple of months. Holy hell, if I could lose 50 pounds (200’s I could be in the 200’s!!!) and get my RA better in control my energy would SKY ROCKET. I need energy. I know juice fasting brings me energy. My hang up here is just how much I enjoy yummy tasting food, and the comfort of a nice warm, filling meal. But, I need to put that on the back burner. Temporary pleasure is so much less important than improving my quality of life right now. Those temporary pleasures will ultimately decrease my QOL, a juice fast will improve it. I’m gonna do it. I am!
  • Marriage: Yeah, so RPL and crazy families and conflicting parenting styles… not so good for the marriage. We haven’t had sex since we found out that Nora was miscarrying. That’s been like 5 or 6 weeks now. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I was going to say it’s the last thing I want to do right now, but then I realized I probably would rather have sex than properly clean my house… Still this is one of the longest stretches we’ve ever gone and typically for us, no sex is not a good sign. We fight almost every night. He’s driving me crazy. Between saying just stupid shit about current events that don’t even affect us, to totally killing me on the discipline front to making shitty-ass little comments he is driving me bonkers. I don’t know how to turn things around. I don’t have an action plan for this one. Maybe fixing the other things will help it?
  • My Appearance: The longer I’ve been out of the work force the rattier my clothing has gotten. My mom infused my wardrobe with some of her clothes she doesn’t wear, but… it’s still not quite a wardrobe anymore. I spend most of my days in pajamas, my shirts have stains on them and nothing fits right or matches. On top of all that, I need a haircut, my nails are a mess and my eyebrows look like Huxley’s. Good grief, why would he even want to have sex with me? Anyway, we don’t really have the cash to invest in how I look, and it’s been low priority to me (obviously), but I’m starting to think maybe it I spruced me up a little I might be able to kick this depression faster?
  • Homeschooling: This isn’t so much school as just doing activities with the littles. I started wanting to do something to enrich their little brains everyday, or at least a couple times a week. But, I don’t. I need to get with it, though. Even though the TV is valuable for a small bit during the day, I’m finding the more out of control I feel, the more TV we’re watching. Less TV more activities!!!
  • Business: Actually have a plan here! Am going to focus more on patterns. This will hopefully result in more cash… Have 6 more hats to ship, then will be caught up.
  • Writing: I have so many ideas!!! Must make myself write everyday.

OK, I think I feel better. At least have the start of a start of a proper to-do list.