Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Festering Black Hole of Negativity September 26, 2012

Ya’ll, I’m sorry that you only get to hear the bitching and whining (mostly) and that I’ve been a piss poor commenter lately. Where have I heard that before? Oh, right, my every single post for the last year! Good fucking grief.

 

I don’t know what I was thinking taking on nanny’ing and a small business and being home full time. I must have been out of my damned mind. I mean, for real. I feel pulled in every which direction, am frazzled and bitchy by 5pm every day (am I maybe tired from staying up all night? you, voice, can feel free to shut the fuck up!) and never feel like anything gets done. I make a list, I blow it off. Am.Lazy.

 

But, I’m not. I don’t feel like I get a break, ever. So, I guess, all of my dicking around and blowing off my list is my way of getting a break? But it doesn’t work. Sometimes I think life would be so much easier if I just got a job. But, I’d miss my little man too much. Plus, the whole point of staying home was to raise him up right and that job isn’t nearly done.

 

So, you want a little bullety synopsis of what’s up?

  • Nanny life: My sister, the ever game player, has been telling her kids that they’re going to daycare. She has not told me this. She did recently ask me to reduce my rate because the boys were in school now. I had to remind her that 1) I didn’t raise the rate this summer or last when I had Big C all day, so why would losing Lil C for a couple of hours a day warrant a rate change? and 2) I now have to drive to get the boys everyday which costs gas money and is an added expense due to their going back to school, also 3) the new school schedule completely fucked the babies nap schedule so I now get 0 time without at least one baby. To which she immediately began going on about how broke she is and how my husband makes more than she does. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I wish that I was in the position to be able to watch the kids for free, but I’m not. That money is our grocery/household money. It feeds and diapers HER kids. So frustrating.
  • Also, Big C recently told me that his mother told him that I tried to “take him away from her” and that’s why they have to keep secrets from me. Oh my fucking god! There’s a big ass can of worms. For the record… I did see an attorney to determine how to best handle custody and substance abuse issues. A long time ago. When it was clearly an issue. I told her then that I didn’t want her kids, I wanted HER to want her kids. I told him “Your mom was not well back then and I took measures to be sure you’d be with family and not separated from your brother, no matter what. I’m very disappointed that she would bring that up to you.” If it gets brought up again, there’s no guarantee I won’t tell him the whole fucking truth.
  • As if that wasn’t enough, his ADHD/ODD is out of control. Probably partially due to the fact that his “dad” is talking about getting married. Partially due to the fact that his mom is playing crazy mind games. And, a lot to do with new school year/new school stresses. I have said umpteen trillion times that I’d take him to some kind of sport/class to help with discipline and with getting him into someone else’s hair. My mom has offered to pay for such activity. He has not been enrolled. He also has yet to see a behavioral therapist because “a girl a work has similar issues with her kid and a therapist didn’t help them.” So, why bother doing what’s best for your kid, right? I mean kid”S” because his bullshit stresses the other kids, too.
  • You know what else? My MIL is a bitch. Not new news, I know. This psycho actually called my husband and offered him $1k out of nowhere today. Because money is the key to making up for being a family wrecking bitch? Oh, wait, no, that’s a sincere apology, and actually feeling remorse for being such an evil, nasty, mean spirited, ignorant, crazy bitch. #NeverGonnaHappen.
  • But, here’s something that did happen… for some unknown reason my husband felt the need to tell this insane person that he wasn’t “allowed” to talk to her anymore because the therapist and I said so. Un-motherfucking-believable. Grow a pair of goddamned balls. No mention of his decisions. No mention of the umpteen million times I’ve said “you are a grown up and can make your own decisions, but, my son will not have a relationship with her unless she agrees to family counseling.” Which, personally, I think is pretty damned reasonable. No, he just throws me under the bus, again.
  • The counseling is a bit mixed. She’s spending a lot of time on teaching biblical marriage principles. Which, OK, fine. I mean the top thing she keeps talking about is “protection” and he threw me to fucking wolves just this week, so I’m starting to think this is a waste of money and time. Use the “talking stick” and you’ll never fight again… follow the bible and your marriage will be awesome. Whatever… Seriously, here’s how the issues stack up. His w/ me: I sometimes let the baby play with things he probably shouldn’t, I don’t keep the house as clean as we’d both like and I don’t like giving blow jobs all of the time. Mine w/ him: He doesn’t stand up for our family in a mature way with people who are attacking us, he treats me like the help, he hovers over me second guessing my every decision related to the baby, he spends WAY too much money and I’m left to pick up the pieces and the list goes on. There has been “some” improvement since counseling started, but none in the most major of issues.
  • My kid won’t pull down his pants and piss in the potty. Even for chocolate. Oh, he’ll go if he’s nude, but cover up that bird and he pisses every where.
  • I’m broke. Not BROKE, but “broke.”
  • My RA is crazy. Which is probably the catalyst for the depression and bitching. I actually found something that helps. But… it makes me sleepy for days. And, G bitches whenever I take it. Also, I don’t like the way it makes me feel (well, I like the longer term feeling, but the immediate feeling is to intense for me). So, I is screwed.
  • The icing: G asks me the other day “are we going to have another baby or what?” No, I’m not kidding.
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I’m a Starter June 5, 2012

I was gonna tell you guys all about how our summer is starting (i.e. Big C and Lil C and RA, Oh MY!), but instead I hoped on over to Mel’s to get a much less bitchy idea for something to bore you with!

 

But, lo and behold her prompt was actually something I’ve been thinking about for a while… How do you feel about starting new projects?

 

Easy! I LOVE starting projects. One of my favorite parts of my pre-Mommyhood career was meeting with clients and mapping out their project. Then I had to slug through all the “work” then I loved handing it over to them. But, I totally dig the planning and pre-work of new projects. I seriously could just plan projects for other people for a living. I always have ideas for new projects, too. Speaking of, I’m totally thinking about opening a second Etsy shop for my nature photography. Why? Is my current shop not enough work? It is! I just love new projects!

 

But it occurs to me that as awesome as it is to be a project starter… there’s no sense to be starting all these projects without the follow through. And, there’s where I fall down. I’m horrible at the daily grind part of projects. Which is something I need to work on. I need to get better at follow through and delivery. It’s great to have a plan, and a vision, but without the action… well, what was the point of all that dreaming.

 

So, one of the things I am seriously working on for 2012 is getting better at the action. I don’t want to dream less, I want to act more. Turn those visions into life. Maybe I’ll never be an award winning author with photographs in galleries and a super clean house full of awesome crafts I did with the kids (damn you, Pinterest!). But, I could totally be closer to that than I am now. Lights, camera, action!

 

Out of Control March 26, 2012

Right now, my life feels out of control. As in I have no idea where to start to get back on track. Or even where the track is. I’ve been drifting. Treading water. Lately, I’m just drowning… So, I need to get some goals in line and get my lazy ass in gear!

 

  •  House: My house is a mess. MESS. Embarrassingly messy. This is not me. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to clean. But, I’ve always had one of those houses where a quick trip through to pick up the out of place stuff was all that was needed to prep for company. Then I had a baby. And that baby came with stuff. A giant truck load of stuff. And it ate my house. And it overwhelmed me. Now my kitchen floor needs mopped, my toilet is gross and the laundry monster is threatening to suffocate me in my sleep. Unacceptable. So, what am I gonna do about it? Well, it is spring break… I suppose I need to clean this shit up. Then get myself a little plan together for keeping on top of it.
  • Food: I haven’t been food shopping in two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, we still have food left from the last trip. I could probably feed my family for another week or two without going to the store. Not wholesome or nutritious meals, but meals… Yeah, I need to make a shopping list and get my arse to the store.
  • Health: Pinterest be damned, I have to do a juice fast. At the end of my 10 day-er last summer I had lost a bunch of weight and my RA was starting to feel better. It was working. I need to get back on it. Give it a couple of months. Holy hell, if I could lose 50 pounds (200’s I could be in the 200’s!!!) and get my RA better in control my energy would SKY ROCKET. I need energy. I know juice fasting brings me energy. My hang up here is just how much I enjoy yummy tasting food, and the comfort of a nice warm, filling meal. But, I need to put that on the back burner. Temporary pleasure is so much less important than improving my quality of life right now. Those temporary pleasures will ultimately decrease my QOL, a juice fast will improve it. I’m gonna do it. I am!
  • Marriage: Yeah, so RPL and crazy families and conflicting parenting styles… not so good for the marriage. We haven’t had sex since we found out that Nora was miscarrying. That’s been like 5 or 6 weeks now. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I was going to say it’s the last thing I want to do right now, but then I realized I probably would rather have sex than properly clean my house… Still this is one of the longest stretches we’ve ever gone and typically for us, no sex is not a good sign. We fight almost every night. He’s driving me crazy. Between saying just stupid shit about current events that don’t even affect us, to totally killing me on the discipline front to making shitty-ass little comments he is driving me bonkers. I don’t know how to turn things around. I don’t have an action plan for this one. Maybe fixing the other things will help it?
  • My Appearance: The longer I’ve been out of the work force the rattier my clothing has gotten. My mom infused my wardrobe with some of her clothes she doesn’t wear, but… it’s still not quite a wardrobe anymore. I spend most of my days in pajamas, my shirts have stains on them and nothing fits right or matches. On top of all that, I need a haircut, my nails are a mess and my eyebrows look like Huxley’s. Good grief, why would he even want to have sex with me? Anyway, we don’t really have the cash to invest in how I look, and it’s been low priority to me (obviously), but I’m starting to think maybe it I spruced me up a little I might be able to kick this depression faster?
  • Homeschooling: This isn’t so much school as just doing activities with the littles. I started wanting to do something to enrich their little brains everyday, or at least a couple times a week. But, I don’t. I need to get with it, though. Even though the TV is valuable for a small bit during the day, I’m finding the more out of control I feel, the more TV we’re watching. Less TV more activities!!!
  • Business: Actually have a plan here! Am going to focus more on patterns. This will hopefully result in more cash… Have 6 more hats to ship, then will be caught up.
  • Writing: I have so many ideas!!! Must make myself write everyday.

OK, I think I feel better. At least have the start of a start of a proper to-do list.

 

Really Great Week! February 10, 2012

Hiya! So, yeah, we’re having an awesome week over here in Mintaland. I mean, it’s a tired, nauseous, tired week, but… that totally kicks ass. Why is this week so great?

 

– Well there’s the whole SURPRISE you’re knocked up.

– Then there was the whole, and bleeding did not commence immediately upon seeing the second line (seriously, that has happened too many times).

– Then Lil G, precocious little genius that he is (I might be biased, but whatever, I think he’s a precocious little genius) decided he’s a potty man now. All the time. As in he WANTS to use the potty. He still has an accident or two a day, but they are accidents and he usually stops mid-stream and runs to the potty. Unfortunately, he’s still pooping in his nap diaper 😦

– Also, my Etsy shop BLEW UP this week. As in I’ve done more revenue this week than I did last year. Yes, the whole year. There must have been some kind of news article about boobie beanies on Yahoo or something, because they sold like crazy for two days and I’m still getting a steady 5-6 a day being ordered. WOWSA!

– And, I did my taxes. Yay! G didn’t trust my itemization skillz but I was proven correct in the end. So, we’re getting enough of a return to pay off some debt, and maybe enough to fix up a little beater for G so we can be back to having 2 cars. Yay!!!

– Lastly, I figured out how to print postage at home. You would not believe how gigantically huge that is for me. I hate driving to ship stuff at night.

 

Great week. Awesome week.

 

(Results of first beta are back! HCG: 111, Progesterone: 24.1 Doctor drew a smiley face next to them according to the nurse I spoke with. Because I wasn’t tracking this cycle, I have no idea how many dpo we’re looking at…)

 

Also… There was talk of giving stuff away February 9, 2012

Filed under: Selling My Soul for Baby Clothes — arminta @ 3:37 pm

Right the Baby Hooked Giveaway is under way!

 

http://babyhookedboutique.blogspot.com/2012/02/february-2012-giveaway.html

 

Check it out 🙂

 

Giveaway! February 5, 2012

Filed under: Selling My Soul for Baby Clothes — arminta @ 1:03 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Hey ya’ll, Baby Hooked Boutique (you know, my wicked awesome Etsy shop that has wicked awesome lids for your kids) is having a little giveaway, and I wanted to share with you, too. After all, I’d rather give stuff away to you guys, anyway 🙂

 

So, the deal is, when Baby Hooked Boutique’s Facebook page get 50 followers, I’m going to open up voting on new spring goods. Each vote is an entry (the item with the most votes will go on sale when it’s first listed). A winner will be randomly selected from the voters.

 

First things, first, though, we need those followers 🙂

 

Click here. Click Like. Please 🙂