Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

A Sad Kind of Weekend October 30, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,Big C,The Pug — arminta @ 11:05 pm

As you all know I’ve been railing on about needing to find a better home for my pug for some time now. Which makes the events of Friday night all the more sad. My puggins was hit by a car. She did not make it. G buried her near our wooded hill. I feel terrible. For all of my frustrations with her, I did love her and will miss her. I had been dragging my feet on finding her another home because I’d miss her, but if I had found her a home, she may still be alive today. Again, I feel awful. Big C is quite upset as well. We’re all pretty upset.

 

In much less depressing, but still sad to me, other news… no trick or treating for us 😦 G thought it was too cold and Baby G thought “wwaaaaahhhhh” out loud for about 2 hours. Damned 2 month immunizations! So, because he was feeling “fussy” we decided to stay in. The boys went with G and my sister. They were not enthused, though. They stayed out only an hour and refused to actually ring bells and say “trick or treat.” They still ended up with candy, somehow. Little C shared a banana Laffy Taffy with me. At least it wasn’t black licorice.

 

In “now I’m just whining” news: Baby G has learned how to fight sleep. For the last two days whenever he’s started drifting off to sleep he has starting waving his right arm like mad to wake himself back up. It would be cute if he weren’t also wailing in my ear while doing it. OK, it’s still cute. Tonight when I put him down for bed he was kicking both legs and waving that arm! I ended up strapping him down with a blanket and putting his heartbeat bear right next to his head to get him to pass out. Crazy 🙂

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In Other News: Grrrr July 17, 2010

I am fresh off of one hell of a week. There were plenty of baby related highs, for which I am immensely grateful. But, there were also some lows/frustrations that are bugging me still…

Work: Even though I worked overtime (I am a salaried employee, i.e. every hour over 40 is a donation to the company) in June, including working on weekends and rearranging my personal schedule to accommodate clients on multiple occasions, my boss decided that because I didn’t have all of the details of that time entered into our project tracking software he was going to hold my paycheck. He did not inform me of this decision. (This in and of itself, illegal… But company has less than 50 employees so the great State of Ohio could give a bigger shit.) When he found out that in fact I had entered it all (admittedly late) he forgot to release the hold on my paycheck. So, I woke up Thursday morning to $8 in the bank. I didn’t go to work on Thursday. G wanted me to stay home Friday as well, but I felt that I needed to keep up with my clients… So, let’s see we have passive aggressive game playing, creating a hostile working environment. Six more weeks. Six more weeks.

Family: This actually happened this week… Mother wants me to come swimming with her and the boys. Oh, but one of the boys is sick with “heat” and doesn’t want to go and the other is a video game head and doesn’t want to go. So, let’s just go out to eat. On her side of town because heaven forbid we drive 15 minutes to eat dinner. Except of course Big C wants Uncle G to come, but Uncle G didn’t come with Minta to the other side of town because he didn’t want to go swimming. So, can we meet in the middle? No, Big C wants to go to a restaurant that only has three locations, all of which are an equally long (again, 15 minutes) drive. And even though it’s child friendly and the kids will eat the food, Nana doesn’t like it. So, I get to hear her bitch about a decision made by the sister, G and Big C. Except when we get to the restaurant I find out Big C is sick with dehydration/sun poisoning, not “heat” and has a throbbing headache. So naturally his mother orders him water soda to drink. He takes three bites of his food and literally vomits all over the table. Because he’s that sick. But hey, he’s all right, she’ll just take him home and give him a bath and some water, he’ll be fine… Yes, I would have taken him to the hospital and no, I would not have under any circumstance taken him to a restaurant in that condition. On the bright side, I got to hear Little C make vomit noises all the way home.

Dogs: Yeah, I’m about done with the pug. Like DONE. She has shat on the carpet everyday this week. EVERYDAY. What else has happened this week? I kicked her out of the bed. This is retaliation. I am pissed. PISSED. I also stopped making their food. Have seen dramatic decrease in Waldo’s aggression, but dramatic increase in pug stubbornness. Seriously folks, I’m just not willing to invest much more money or effort into this dog, she really might be on her way out.


Baby Shower #2: My mother completely dropped the ball. My sister has picked up the ball. They are now fighting over it. And, also, have scheduled it for 8/21. Yes, past full term. Please stay tuned for stories of missed my shower because was giving the birth at the time… Also, stayed tuned for stories of, had to return a bunch of shit in October because I had to buy the necessities BEFORE the baby was born and received a bunch of tiny shit/duplicates with no time to return it before the baby was born. (I swear I’m not as big an ungrateful bitch as I’m coming off, just frustrated…)

The Hubs: Is far too spoiled. Life with him and newborn is going to suck the life right out of me. I have always prided myself on being a good wife, but I think I did not do myself any favors by spoiling him so much… (Again, not as bitchy as I sound, just frustrated over little shit, like you know, having to arrange for dinner EVERY night and heaven fucking forbid I need a clean dish to do it, or have planned something he doesn’t feel like at the time. How to manage that on a single income, I don’t freaking know.) Plus, as I’m getting closer to NEEDING him to take care of me more, I’m hearing a lot more sarcastic comments. For instance, as we’re watching a hypnobirthing dvd of real hypnobirths I commented on one dad who had it down. The man was rotating three washcloths and making sure she had the coolest one on her head and he was rubbing her back and give her lots of encouragement. I simply made the comment “Wow, this guy’s got this labor coach thing down!” G’s response? “We better turn this shit off, don’t want you getting any ideas…” Was he joking? Sure. But, still… grrr!

OK, all done bitching.

I am 32 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby. None of the shit above takes away from that. Nothing takes away from that.

Peace

Calm

Peace

Calm

(Still practicing the Hypnobirthing!!!)

 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder July 12, 2010

Filed under: Big C,Completely and Entirely Unrelated to IF,The Pug — arminta @ 1:04 pm

or, so seems to be the case…

I had a great day with Big C yesterday. We was just like peas and carrots again. Well, except that neither of us particularly care for peas and carrots. We’re more ketchup and french fries type people, Big C and I.

So what happened?

I hadn’t seen him in a week. The last time I saw him was on 7/4, then I took a couple of selfish days (aka, caught up on laundry and cleaned my house, which has, of course, been completely undone since then). Then his mother and my mother took the C’s “camping.” I didn’t even know they were gone until they were on the way back. (Glad somebody got a vacation this year…)

The first thing Big C wanted upon arrival home? Uncle G, of course. But that was totally cool, because Uncle G was fishing and that is their favorite thing to do together. The second thing he wanted? Minta. Specifically, dinner with Minta, a movie with Minta, to play a game with Minta, for Minta to make his snack then for Minta to start his shower (and sit on the toilet while he took his shower to make sure monsters couldn’t get him). It was the good old days again.

So, of course, I took him to our favorite restaurant, then to see a movie. Then I had to do a lot of housework (story coming) while Uncle G made a snack and set up a game. But, I played a game (Simpsons Clue, aka Who Killed Mr. Burns, which is one of our favorites), and made second snack and got him to bed. Speaking of, Hypnobirthing CD’s are awesome for getting kids to go to sleep! He spent all night trying to roll closer to me. So much so, that I didn’t get very good sleep, but that’s OK.

He spent all of dinner telling us tales of Nana not having any patience and their fighting while camping. The only person he asked for at all other than me and G was Little C (odd! he’s usually only too pleased to be away from his brother). It was a good night.

*******************************************************

The other tail (not a typ-o, we’re now talking about the evil canines that have taken over my home):

My dogs have lost their damn minds. I seriously NEVER thought I’d EVER entertain the thought of being petless. Especially not after being so upset at losing Mean Kitty. But… I’m entertaining the thought.

My Waldo is quite the elderly gent. He’s 13, which is pretty old for a big dog. In the past year his sight has reduced significantly, his hearing has gone completely and he’s gotten more aggressive. The aggression was getting worse, then I started making the dog’s food (it’s SOOO much cheaper, and healthier and they don’t have any gas on the homemade food), which actually increased the aggression about 10 fold. He actually nipped Big C a couple of weeks ago. (OK, explanation, because had it been solely the dog acting out, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, Waldo would already be gone… Big C was teasing (teasing, teasing, waving it around, taunting, teasing to the point that if he hadn’t gotten nipped, he’d have gotten punished) Waldo with a hot dog and Waldo nipped him whilst taking the hot dog.) Which regardless of provocation is something he wouldn’t have done a year ago. He steps on my feet nearly constantly, which again is new. Worst of all, he barks at me CONSTANTLY and whenever I’m in the kitchen he nudges at me. As if my only job in the kitchen is to make his food. The barking and the nudging seem to be directly related to my making the dog food. The rest seemed to have been starting as part of his age.

The pug, is just unruly. I truly thought age would settle her down a bit, but no. She is out of control. She jumps on the boys, she tries to hump the boys, she jumps on me, she refuses to go outside, she is a bad dog. I should have trained her better. But, I tried. She is just SO willful and dominate. I’m the only thing she even close to respects and she does not respect me. 75% of the time she’s a sweet little lap dog, but 25% of the time, I want to kill her. If she scratches my baby, I’m afraid I might.

So, there’s that… then there’s a new issue. Waldo has been having “accidents” in the house. For the first time in literally 12 years. Waldo has toileted in the house less than five times since his first birthday. All five directly related to his being ill. Three of the five, diarrhea. Five of the five… in places that were easy for me to clean (i.e. his bed, the bathtub, the tile floor), never until this week has Waldo ever toileted on my carpet. This week, he has both peed and pooped on my carpet. Within an hour from coming in from outside. Emma has never been awesome with the house training (she makes it 19 of 20 days without a mistake, but you can count on a mistake every 3 weeks or so). But, she seems to think Waldo going in the house gives her a license to pee (or poop). This, I cannot deal with. I cannot deal with a hundred pound dog leaving messes in the area where my baby will play and a 20 pound dog deciding that if he can, she can.

I don’t know what to do. Blind, deaf, arthritic, control issues, these are not good things. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m doing the right thing by not giving Waldo a peaceful sleep now, rather than wait until he’s worse off? G will not discuss putting Waldo down, but I am honestly starting to feel it might be the kinder option for him. It would tear me apart to do it, but honestly, how much worse am I supposed to let him get?

One thing I do know? I’m not making their food anymore. It’s not worth the aggression, or time for the cost savings.

 

Who Needs Sleep? March 8, 2010

Filed under: Pregnant,The Pug — arminta @ 11:40 am

Well, you’re never gonna get it.

Who needs sleep?

Tell me, what’s that for?

Who needs sleep?

Well, you’re never gonna get it, there’s a guy that’s been awake since the second world war.

I heart Barenaked Ladies.

This is not a post about pregnancy induced insomnia. No, even though I am up to pee every 90’ish minutes, my body can and wants to fall straight back to sleep. Well, at least it could if a certain unnamed pug would shut the hell up and let it!

Jem Jem

You see how sweet and innocent she looks? It’s a lie!!!!

She has taken to the habit of getting up around 1am every night and walking around, eating, jumping on and off of the bed (yes, I let her sleep in the bed) and just generally keeping me up. It’s just started this week. I don’t know what to do.

I hate to make her sleep in the garage (the only place where I can’t hear her, and neither can the neighbors if she decides to get rowdy), but I can’t take another night of broken sleep.

OK, enough bitchin’ out of me. Have more to say, but must focus on work, ahhhhhh!

 

Antigonish November 4, 2009

Filed under: Big C,Infertility,Miscarriage,The Pug — arminta @ 1:10 pm
by Hugh Mearns
Yesterday upon the stair
I saw a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away
When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

That is one of my favorite poems. I don’t know why. I think partly it’s because it speaks to me of the things that are only there in my head. The children who should be and haunt me but who aren’t really there. Once of my favorite bad movies is Identity (which I watched last night) with John Cusack and Ray Liotta (I totally heart John Cusack), and a version of this poem is in that movie. I was unaware that people other than me and my 12th grade literature teacher like it.

QUICK (ok, moderately long) story about my 12th grade lit teacher: In Senior Honors Lit (oh, how the mighty have fallen, I was in Honors Lit!) we had a project where we had to choose one 20th century American poet to study for a semester. There were many assignments, but they would all be different because each student was studying a different poet. There was nearly a cat fight over Maya Angelou, and Shel Silverstein was gone almost immediately. Then the other popular poets started going (Masters, Eliot, Frost, Pound etc…). I was the last person to choose. The poet I wanted, Mearns, wasn’t on the list. So, I chose e. e. cummings. Just in case you ever have to take Senior Honors Lit with Mr. Kurtz… e. e. cummings is his least favorite poet. He prefers that no one choose cummings. He doesn’t tell you this until after you’ve made your choice. I got the highest grade in the class, and developed a further appreciation for eccentric poetry. One assignment was to recite two works from the chosen poet, from memory, for the class. I chose “anyone lived in a pretty how town” and “the way to hump a cow is not” (I went to an UPTIGHT protestant private school). Hilarity ensued!

Second side note… I tell Big C that I love him more than the sun and the moon and the stars, which is from “anyone lived in a pretty how town.” When he was a baby “moon and stars” was how he said “I love you.” My sister called me one day and asked, why is C repeating “moon and stars” over and over, so I told her, and she said to him once and he got upset and told her “Minta.” As in, “only Minta is allowed to say moon and stars.” When Big C is in high school, if he has to do a project on a 20th century American poet, I will tell him this story so that he knows where “moon and stars” came from. If Mr. Kurtz is still teaching, I will encourage him to pick e. e. cummings!

You would think these stories would help me feel less haunted. But, my stomach feels strangely empty, and I’m surrounded by ghosts of a 12 year old, a newly six year old, an almost four year old and a sweet little just turned two year old.

As I was walking up the stair

I saw a child who wasn’t there

She wasn’t there again today

I wish, I wish she’d come to stay

********** ********** ********** ********** ********** ********** ********** ********** ********** ********** **********

New Feature!!!! Right, so in the spirit of November and American Thanksgiving, at least this month, my goal is going to be to write a daily “what I’m thankful for.”

Today I’m thankful for a pug to snuggle me up a night. She’s the best heating pad for cramps. She’s the best foot warmer on a cold night. She’s just the right size for snuggling up without getting in the way.

 

The good, the bad and the MIL May 12, 2009

Filed under: Blueberry Bean,Family,Pregnant,The Pug — arminta @ 5:10 pm

So, I haven’t been posting as much lately. Primarily in an attempt to not be boring. Also in an attempt to not be overly, “I’m pregnant, yay!” when 1) we’re not out of the woods, yet and 2) the majority of my readership is still TTC. Not that I’m claiming a huge readership. So, I’m trying to balance the haps, with the pregnancy and not bore you all to death.

So, good stuff first, yeah? We have another ultrasound on Friday. We only get two more with the RE before we have to go to the common folks doctor (this is how I refer to the OB since finding out how much better the RE’s office treats their patients). I’ve been reading books on natural childbirth (the Bradley Methos) and nursing. G stole my copy of What to Expect, and I can’t find it… So, I used copius amounts of drugs to get pregnant, but I don’t think I want to use drugs to get it out. I’ll update you further post u/s.

The bad stuff (ok, medium)… I’ve given up on dog containment during the day. They thwarted my every attempt to keep them in the kitchen, so they now have total house freedom day and night. And… Emma is retaining her training. They must have been ready. So yay, for no pees on the floor, but boo to more hair on the furniture.

The MIL… Did not receive Mother’s Day card or acknowledment from MIL. I did send her a card from G and me and from our Blueberry Bean. I also, very graciously, sent her u/s photos. Which, though G’s handwriting was nowhere to be found on any of, she thanked HIM for. Whatever. Also, G and I worded a letter to send to her to establish our boundaries. I’m putting it in the mail tonight. Here’s the text for any who care:

Dear Mom,

We have a few things that we need to say to you, but because things have been so strained lately, we don’t feel talking about this face to face is the best way to approach the issue at this time. That is why we are writing this letter. This is from both of us.

Over the past fifteen years, many things have transpired that have been left unaddressed and have festered into a sour relationship between us. The main issue, as we see it, is your blatant rejection of Arminta. You need to understand that because we are married and are a team rejecting one of us is rejecting both of us. This rejection has shown up as you criticizing, insulting and berating Arminta. Sometimes to her face, but usually to Gar. Gar is not willing to be in the middle of this negativity any longer. If you have a specific issue that you would like to discuss calmly with Arminta, please feel free to call her and discuss it directly with her. Neither of us is willing to allow you to insult, criticize, berate or shout at either of us any longer. We are willing to discuss, calmly, any actual occurrence in which you feel you have been wronged, going forward. We are not willing to dwell on past events.

Additionally, we are not willing to pretend that everything is OK when it is not. Things are not OK right now, and they won’t be until some resolution and change happens in our relationship. We have both been hurt by your behavior over the past few months. Gar has been especially hurt by your berating him over the phone in the past two months. We are experiencing some of the biggest joys and biggest stresses in our lives right now, with finally becoming pregnant after months of fertility treatments and years of infertility. We both are excited and happy to be welcoming this baby into our home and to be honest your behavior since we announced our pregnancy has been hurtful and has added stress to our lives. We hoped to be able to share this joyous time with you, rather than to have to endure ill treatment because of it. We are hurt that you would willingly add stress to what is already a high risk pregnancy.

We are willing to accept partial responsibility for the condition of our relationship, if you are willing to accept your share. We feel that you owe us an apology for the berating and stressful phone calls of the past few weeks, and are not willing to pursue further contact until this happens.

We are also not willing to listen to anymore insults, criticisms or berating of Arminta’s family. You do not have a relationship with them and you do know the details of our relationships with them. If a member of Arminta’s family specifically does or says something to you that hurts you in the future, please feel free to discuss this calmly and rationally with Arminta. We are not willing to dwell on the past.

There are people with whom we are not willing to have a relationship. This is a result of our relationship with them, and is not a reflection of anyone’s opinion of anything other than that persons behavior (and its’ effect on our lives) and events that transpired between them and us, ending our relationship. As adults, we expect you to respect our decision, whether or not you agree with it or decide to continue your own relationship with those people. We are willing to understand that you still want a relationship with people who have hurt us or with whom we have chosen not to have a relationship, and are willing to respect that decision.

Arminta is particularly hurt over events that have happened over the years, especially insults about her weight and disparaging comments on her health. She is willing to put a fresh start on this relationship, and to try to build more trust in you as a mother-in-law. Trust will take time to re-build. In the meantime, Arminta is not willing to put herself into situations where she feels uncomfortable or likely to be attacked. This may result in Gar coming to events alone, or it may result in neither of us coming to an event, based on how we feel at the time.

We do hope that things between us can improve and that you will be willing to make changes with us in order to have a better relationship. We would like for you to be able to be a part of the baby’s life. Provided improvement is being made when the baby is born we hope that you will come to see the baby at our home. We would like to state in advance, though, that we are not willing to allow our positions as parents to be disrespected.

We sincerely hope that you see this letter for what it is, an attempt to begin the repair process on our relationship. We also hope that you will consider what we are saying and know that this is very important to us both. If you would like to discuss this further, we would like to have you over for dinner and a conversation. Please let us know when would be a good time for you.

Sincerely,

G & A

 

That darn pug April 15, 2009

Filed under: The Pug — arminta @ 11:22 am

As if I’ve not got enough going on with the every other day bloodwork and the weekly ultrasounds and the worrying about the whole deal, I now also have to worry about building a fortress strong enough to contain Emma every morning.

It seems she has taken to figuring out how to break down whatever I put in front of the kitchen door to keep her and Waldo contained during the day. At this point we’re up to a rolling kitchen island, a baby gate, two dining room chairs and a box. Yesterday she managed to roll the island out of the way, break down the gate and crawl under a chair.

How much trouble is one pug worth…