Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

Babysitter October 28, 2010

Filed under: Baby G,The Seventh Circle of Hell,We're parents? — arminta @ 10:28 am

That’s my new job title. I kind of prefer nanny, but whatever. Starting yesterday I have two, count ’em two, babies all day every day plus the boy C’s from 3pm on. So, for a couple of hours there are four kids in my house.

 

Yesterday went OK. I think it stressed Baby G more than me because he wouldn’t sleep. He went all day with only two twenty minute naps after getting up at 8am (my boy normally sleeps until 11am or 1pm). He also kept himself up until nearly midnight. Thankfully, he’s asleep right now. Actually, they both are. Go me!

 

So, now I’m trying to figure out how to get them on a schedule. I need to make sure they aren’t both needing me at the same time, because I felt horrible yesterday nursing G while propping She-C up with a bottle. Obviously, I’m not nursing her, too. But, bottle time could be better than sitting in a boppy with a blanket under her chin ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

 

Any twin mama’s got any suggestions on this?

 

In other news:

– I should have come up with better nicknames for the C’s on here because now that they are three it’s getting confusing…

– I have lost 65 pounds since Baby G was born just two months ago! I only gained 24 while pregnant…

– I’m loving this no period while nursing business.

– Finally went and packed up my office and gave back my work equipment. I thought it would be sad, but it felt good. My old boss was kind of dick’ish but, whatever. I did send in my resignation the day before my leave was up, but… my leave was only six weeks and we’ve been on bad (very bad) terms since March AND he didn’t pay my maternity leave (it was only two weeks pay, but these days that’s a lot of money…), so surely to God he saw the writing on the wall. Had I not been pregnant, I’d have been gone in March, and I’d have taken a shit ton of his clients with me… I’m vindictive like that to weaselly assholes who think they know everything and treat their employees like shit because they can. Yeah, very bad terms. Dickhead.

– Harry Potter is coming in less than a month!!! Three weeks to be exact!!! I’ve been checking Mrs. Gamgee’s counter almost everyday in anticipation ๐Ÿ™‚

– The babies are both still asleep!

 

Still Here August 18, 2010

Still pregnant. Which is good.

Here’s the scoop:

– BP down to 149/96. Which is JUST under Dr W’s induce now threshold.

– Fluid is on the low side of normal. Normal being 5-25, mine is 8.5.

– He ordered an AFI (fluid check) and NST for next week, after which I am to come see him.

– He says we are taking this week by week, day by day.

– He is calling game over for any of the following between now and then:

  • Any headache that’s bad enough to take Tylenol and Tylenol does not help.
  • Any gallbladder type pain that takes my breath.
  • Any headache with nausea that doesn’t resolve within an hour of lying down.
  • If my bottom BP number goes over 100 or the top goes over 150 AND the bottom is over 90.

– I lost seven of the eleven pounds that I gained last week. Taking my total gain to 17 pounds.

So, that’s the medical haps.

Also, thank you guys so much for being so kind regarding my meltdown. I really needed some encouragement on that. I literally felt crazy.

In work related news, I still have not received my pay stub. So, I sent a final status on all of my projects and sent my boss an e-mail explaining that I can’t continue to perform work for the company while on medical leave while he was playing these games. I also expressed that I felt his actions were bordering on hostile. I am filing a complaint with the State of Ohio tomorrow. At this point, I’m not worrying about it any more. We transferred the money from savings that we need to pay bills this week and we’ll worry about the rest as we need to later. I hate to bite into our safety net so soon, but when your boss illegally withholds your salary, that’s kind of what the net was there for. I did send e-mails to my co-workers letting them know that I am officially on leave and thanking them for being so supportive.

Well, that is all for now. I am going to go to bed and sleep until I wake up!

 

Tuesdays are for Meltdowns

Right, then. I am insane. It is official.

Tonight, I acted like a right loon over nothing. Well, not nothing. But nothing to be acting like a loon over. Apparently the stress has bottled up and chose to release itself quite inconveniently all over G. The one person who’s been there 100%. The man busted his ass all weekend, and I yelled at him over one load of laundry not being done. Because: AM BITCH.

What happened? Well, it started with my dad calling. He asked about me & the baby, but he seemed to have more on his mind. And, he did. He really wanted to talk about whether I thought it was a good idea for him to move in with my mother while he finished school because he was having a hard time making it to school on time because of work and he can’t miss many more days or he’ll be kicked out. Because right now, I need to be worrying about his stress, too. Don’t get me wrong, I care. I care too much is the problem. I worry about my dad. He’s not in very good health, he’s not in very good shape financially, and he’s not very good with discipline and keeping his shit together. So, anyway, I talked to him about his issues. Because that’s what I do.

While I was talking to him, G was getting frustrated, because he had bought me ice cream, that I wasn’t eating and I wasn’t paying him my undivided attention.

So, when we got home, G made a snarky comment about me being on the phone, the pug got under the bed (because the gate wasn’t closed…), I found that she had torn up one of my new chair pads and I spilled my melted ice cream (that I really wanted) all over my birthing class papers.

I Fucking Lost It.

I cried, I screamed, I tried to beat the pug with her leash (she ran under the bed). This is NOT my normal behavior. I completely went psycho. I told G it was all his fault for making the snarky comment, which started the snowball effect. Then I cried some more, until I puked.

I am not proud of this behavior. I do not approve of it at all. I had no control. Seriously, none. I was like a lunatic pulling at my hair, scratching at my face and screaming/crying. NO CONTROL. Scary.

Now I’m all better (besides feeling foolish for behaving that way) and can see that the things that felt so monumental at the time (I really wanted that ice cream) were quite small. But at the time? You’d have thought the house fell down.

So, for the second Tuesday in a row, I’ve behaved like a loon and it’s getting worse. If I make it to next Tuesday expect a change to a full on werewolf or harpy or something…

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For the record, I’m pretty sure underlying stress was the culprit… you know little things like:

– My boss is illegally withholding my paycheck for no reason and refusing to discuss it with me.

– I have a lot of work that I feel responsible to get done before I leave (potentially for ever) but also feel like I should not do this work, because I haven’t been paid in 20 days.

– I do not feel ready to have this baby.

– I repeat, I do NOT feel ready to have this baby.

– That pug is really going to have to go.

 

Random Updates August 16, 2010

Finally heard from my mother last night. We did talk for about an hour and she is working on Baby G’s curtains right now. So, there’s that.

Still haven’t gotten my paystub for work, so it’s looking like I’m going to have Baby G before I get paid. Which is BULLSHIT. But, again, I’m too concerned with getting baby out safely to fight with them and play their games.

Getting ready to hop in the shower for the pre-induction ultrasound. I haven’t heard otherwise from Dr. W, so it seems that we are still on track for waiting until Wednesday to make the decision. My cheeks are hot, which usually means my BP is up ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Feeling pretty funk overall. I did get about two hours worth of work done today. Hopefully it will be enough, because I feel pretty shitty. Not that it matters, because anybody off the street can do what I do… Yes, this was really said to one of my co-workers by my boss who COMPLETELY undervalues the report writing portion of my job. Dick.

G is still being a rockstar. I love that man. He’s been doing such a good job of taking care of us.

 

Back to the Regularly Scheduled Whining August 14, 2010

Filed under: Family,The Seventh Circle of Hell — arminta @ 11:38 pm

So, after getting all of that stuff done this morning, super hubs washed a bunch of laundry and cleaned a used double stroller (that my mother offered to pay me back for, and didn’t) that I scored at a yard sale for $30 and basically kicked ass. Go G.

And then… my sister called. She called to find out the likelihood that I will be induced next week. Here’s a recap:

  • Sister: How likely is it really that you’ll be induced next week?
  • Me: I’m pretty sure that Dr. W is inducing me next Wednesday. He said he was doing tests to see if we could wait another week. That’s all I know. Why?
  • Sister: Well, Mom wanted me to call and find out, because if you have him on Wed/Thu/Fri you may not even be home from the hospital in time for your shower on Sat. So, she wanted me to call you and see if you think we should move it now, or wait until you hear more from the doctor…
  • Me: Whatever you think, I won’t know anything for sure until next Wednesday. I’d like to wait until Mon anyway, because I’d rather he be term, but will do whatever he says. My plan is to be ready on Wed.
  • Sister: Oh, OK, because Aunt Con is going to be out of town this weekend… Mom just called and asked if I had sent her invite, yet and I told her that I hadn’t and she told me that she’s going out of town.
  • Me: Well, again, whatever you guys think, you’re the ones planning this thing.

I would say unbelievable, but it’s not. It’s in fact very believable. I should have seen this coming. There were so many signs that in fact my mother would not be throwing me a shower, that I’m a moron for not seeing it sooner. Starting with the fact that my EDD was/is 9/10 and shower was sched for 8/21. Just three weeks prior. Obviously, a last minute deal. When asked when I thought was a good time, I said “early July.” We see how that went.

My issues here are:

  • It’s a little late to be canceling a party, unless, you know, no one knew about it. Which seems to be the case, as G’s Aunt C also has not received an invite. So it may just be me (and my Mamaw) being disappointed.
  • I specifically scheduled sister’s shower to be AFTER mine (a full 5 weeks prior to her EDD, which is later than I’d have liked). Now I’m in a conundrum there.
  • If this party goes forward & I have the baby on say Thu, I’ll either have to leave my less than one week old newborn home with G to attend the shower, orย  I’ll have to take him. Neither is ideal. I truly am NOT comfortable with taking a two day old baby to a party with lots of people who are going to want to pass him around and hold him and breath their germs in his face.
  • If this party does not go forward, my Mamaw (the one who had a stroke and is now in a nursing home with severely limited mobility and who I can’t visit because compromised immune systems + nursing homes = disaster) will be devastated. Apparently, my mother has geeked her head full of ideas of getting a day pass and bringing her to the party. According to my mother she is “living” for this party. Here’s the thing… as much as I’d like to see her and I know she’d like to be there… I’m really not that keen on the responsibility involved with getting her out for a day. Nor, am I keen on having to take her back. Nor, am I keen on having someone who is potentially exposed to/a carrier for MRSA and/or pneumonia so near to me or my baby in the next couple of weeks. That sounds cold, but seriously, I cannot chance the Baby G getting MRSA or pneumonia.

This is a no win situation. In order to absolve herself of any guilt in the double loss my mother has played it so that my sister and I make the decision and she is just following my wishes. Of course, in order to have been following my wishes she’d have 1) worked with Aunt C to make one big shower or 2) scheduled hers in EARLY JULY. What the fuck ever. No way to win. And, I’ll sound like an ungrateful bitch all the way around.

Of course, she’d have to call me in order for me to sound like anything to her. That’s right. Upon finding out her daughter has dangerously high blood pressure, is on restricted activity at home and will be induced my mother blew me off then didn’t call for four straight days. Then had my sister call to get me to say cancel the shower, so I could be the bad guy. What the fuck?

In other news, my sister can do anything I can do. On Friday she talked her nurse practitioner into writing her off of work a full six weeks before her due date because her feet are puffy. No, her pressure is fine. No protein in her urine. No spells when walking too long. Just plain ol’ normal puffy feet. But, since I was off of work, she needed to be off of work.

Except… I’m NOT REALLY OFF OF WORK. I’ve been working all week, just from home. We don’t have short term disability. When I leave, I’m gone and the paycheck stops. I know I’ve mentioned that there were some projects still in process that I wanted to finalize because I feel like it’s the right ting to do. Well, my boss (the other passive aggressive in my life) decided to withhold my paycheck because “he didn’t hear from me” on Friday and my consulting time for the previous week wasn’t completely entered. Mind you, I sent him no less than 5 e-mails on Friday, so how he “hadn’t heard from me” is beyond me.ย  I’m pretty sure that withholding a paycheck is illegal, unless I owe the company money or property, but seeings how I’m getting ready to have a baby any second I just don’t feel up to fighting him right now. Game playing bastard.

OK, I’ll quit bitching now. Not because I’m truly done, but I am so tired. G’night everybody!

 

Week in Review 34 + Some… July 30, 2010

How far along? 34w0d

Maternity clothes? No change in this department. Have decided am too cheap to buy more, so am just doing more laundry.

Body Oddities? Other than the weight loss, odd hair growth patterns, odd hair growth rate, loose flappy skin and constant water retention making neat-o designs in my legs from the sheets? Well, there is the new skin tags developing on “the girls” more specifically the girls “center.” And also, the almighty leakage. I literally woke up in a puddle of breast milk(?) this morning.

Sleep? Even though I was only up to pee twice last night, still was wide awake from 2a-3a and back up for the day around 6a and couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight, so let’s just sum up as “no sleep til Christmas”

Best moment this week? Girl talk lunch with P. We got pizza and locked ourselves in the conference room!

Worst moment? Learning that 30 minutes is pretty much my limit for shopping these days. I ran into a client whilst tying to get out to my car whilst having some sort of “attack” whilst shopping this weekend. It was scary, and also embarrassing… “Hello client, sorry I can’t speak to you, or meet your family am currently experiencing non-stop contractions, that HURT, back breaking back pain, swollen hands and can you see my heart beating? because it feels like you should be able to see it…”

Movement? He feels a little cramped. Like he’s trying to move, but can’t really do much

Food cravings? Chocolate milk

Rings? Alternatively loose and tight with the water retention, but still slides off easily

Intense Dreams? I can’t remember any of them this week.

Medical Concerns? According to DW, we’re not concerned right now…

What I miss? Sleep, dear goodness I miss sleep.

What I look forward to: Does this have to be about the baby, because right now, I’m kind of psyched that the Bengals might really be Super Bowl contenders. Oh, my, to finally have our baby and have our team win the championship in the same year? As G says “we’ll have to have a suicide pact or something, because I just see things getting any better than that” (of course he is joking, but we really do take our football pretty seriously…). OK, seriously, I am looking forward to my work baby shower next week, and to folding and putting away all of those baby clothes I washed last week.

Emotional State? I’m kind of grumpy this week, we’ve had some drama and it’s taking it’s toll on me a bit…

************************************************************************************

Other Stuff:

The Dogs: are pretty much locked in the kitchen unless we’re home & awake. The pug seems to have fleas. I really don’t feel like dealing with this right now. Also, G is on a kick to prove to me that Waldo is fine. As if I WANT to put him down. His main concern is me hitting postpartum depression (the one post -baby health concern he has read up on) and mourning the loss of Waldo at the same time. But, it’s not like I WANT to put Waldo down, I just want to be sure we are doing what’s best for him and he’s not doing great.

The Fam Part 1: Mother has convinced me to throw a shower for the sister. I shouldn’t word it like that… I want to do that (I’ve tried two other times, but shit has happened, as it sometimes does), but so close to mine? Oy vey! But, Little C has been going into Baby G’s room and looking at the empty gift bags and calling them Baby C’s presents and he’s right, Baby C deserves presents and a celebration, too. But, I’m kind of stressing because now, my August is BOOKED. I have no free Saturdays, two free Sundays and may have a baby at any time in there.

The Fam Part 2: All hell has broken loose between G’s brother and his baby mama. Very long story short… Aunt C has been noticing that H has been acting funny during diaper changes and baths. She was concerned that she had an infection that caused her girl bits to hurt. Then last week H started saying her 8 year old cousins name while refusing to allow anyone to change her diaper or wash her bits in the bath. This, naturally, concerned all involved. At this point they decided the best course of action was to rush her to the hospital (fyi, I disagree with that particular course of action), which resulted in a nurse calling the baby mama (they are friends, it was a HIPPA violation), which resulted in a slew of redneck, white trash bitches (I don’t like J or her family) descending upon the Children’s hospital making a scene. J has not allowed our family to see H since. So Little Brother is FINALLY filing for a proper custody agreement, which he hadn’t been doing because of child support, but has FINALLY seen the light on. And now we are having meetings with CPS and H is seeing a psychologist and all hell has broken loose. My take: I don’t know if H was touched inappropriately, and if she was both she and the 8 year old need to be treated and helped. 8 year old’s don’t get that idea on their own, so he also needs help and it isn’t his fault. But… there had to be a lower drama way to handle the situation that wouldn’t be so stressful on everyone, ESPECIALLY H. Also, Little Brother should have been paying child support and maintaining a PROPER custody agreement from DAY 1.

The Fam Part 3: Remember how I was talking about G’s cousin having some marital issues and G’s mother getting overly involved at a funeral? I did… Quick recap: In April G’s cousin and his wife reconciled after a 1 year separation which was caused by her being unfaithful. They have been together and all has been seemingly well until yesterday, when G and his mother decided to have lunch together at G’s favorite chain steakhouse. Where they saw the cousin-in-law and her boyfriend. In an ultimate twist of irony, they didn’t see her until after G had spent 15 minutes telling his mother how pissed I was at her for begging me to have a July 4th party then not showing (or calling) and then not showing (or calling) for my shower either, after I defended her to the family. G is pretty sure that she heard him. Obviously, G’s mother intends to tell and tell big. But, G wants left out of it. I’d kind of like to see her busted, because I’m pissed at her, but like G I’m not wanting to be involved in their drama. And… she did give me a crib.

Work: Let’s put it this way, I won’t be getting paid on-time, AGAIN. After the passive aggressive game playing of last pay period. Plus, my boss is better at everyone else’s jobs than they are, so there’s no need to even show up to meetings and provide input, it won’t used. Sofa King Done!

 

In Other News: Grrrr July 17, 2010

I am fresh off of one hell of a week. There were plenty of baby related highs, for which I am immensely grateful. But, there were also some lows/frustrations that are bugging me still…

Work: Even though I worked overtime (I am a salaried employee, i.e. every hour over 40 is a donation to the company) in June, including working on weekends and rearranging my personal schedule to accommodate clients on multiple occasions, my boss decided that because I didn’t have all of the details of that time entered into our project tracking software he was going to hold my paycheck. He did not inform me of this decision. (This in and of itself, illegal… But company has less than 50 employees so the great State of Ohio could give a bigger shit.) When he found out that in fact I had entered it all (admittedly late) he forgot to release the hold on my paycheck. So, I woke up Thursday morning to $8 in the bank. I didn’t go to work on Thursday. G wanted me to stay home Friday as well, but I felt that I needed to keep up with my clients… So, let’s see we have passive aggressive game playing, creating a hostile working environment. Six more weeks. Six more weeks.

Family: This actually happened this week… Mother wants me to come swimming with her and the boys. Oh, but one of the boys is sick with “heat” and doesn’t want to go and the other is a video game head and doesn’t want to go. So, let’s just go out to eat. On her side of town because heaven forbid we drive 15 minutes to eat dinner. Except of course Big C wants Uncle G to come, but Uncle G didn’t come with Minta to the other side of town because he didn’t want to go swimming. So, can we meet in the middle? No, Big C wants to go to a restaurant that only has three locations, all of which are an equally long (again, 15 minutes) drive. And even though it’s child friendly and the kids will eat the food, Nana doesn’t like it. So, I get to hear her bitch about a decision made by the sister, G and Big C. Except when we get to the restaurant I find out Big C is sick with dehydration/sun poisoning, not “heat” and has a throbbing headache. So naturally his mother orders him water soda to drink. He takes three bites of his food and literally vomits all over the table. Because he’s that sick. But hey, he’s all right, she’ll just take him home and give him a bath and some water, he’ll be fine… Yes, I would have taken him to the hospital and no, I would not have under any circumstance taken him to a restaurant in that condition. On the bright side, I got to hear Little C make vomit noises all the way home.

Dogs: Yeah, I’m about done with the pug. Like DONE. She has shat on the carpet everyday this week. EVERYDAY. What else has happened this week? I kicked her out of the bed. This is retaliation. I am pissed. PISSED. I also stopped making their food. Have seen dramatic decrease in Waldo’s aggression, but dramatic increase in pug stubbornness. Seriously folks, I’m just not willing to invest much more money or effort into this dog, she really might be on her way out.


Baby Shower #2: My mother completely dropped the ball. My sister has picked up the ball. They are now fighting over it. And, also, have scheduled it for 8/21. Yes, past full term. Please stay tuned for stories of missed my shower because was giving the birth at the time… Also, stayed tuned for stories of, had to return a bunch of shit in October because I had to buy the necessities BEFORE the baby was born and received a bunch of tiny shit/duplicates with no time to return it before the baby was born. (I swear I’m not as big an ungrateful bitch as I’m coming off, just frustrated…)

The Hubs: Is far too spoiled. Life with him and newborn is going to suck the life right out of me. I have always prided myself on being a good wife, but I think I did not do myself any favors by spoiling him so much… (Again, not as bitchy as I sound, just frustrated over little shit, like you know, having to arrange for dinner EVERY night and heaven fucking forbid I need a clean dish to do it, or have planned something he doesn’t feel like at the time. How to manage that on a single income, I don’t freaking know.) Plus, as I’m getting closer to NEEDING him to take care of me more, I’m hearing a lot more sarcastic comments. For instance, as we’re watching a hypnobirthing dvd of real hypnobirths I commented on one dad who had it down. The man was rotating three washcloths and making sure she had the coolest one on her head and he was rubbing her back and give her lots of encouragement. I simply made the comment “Wow, this guy’s got this labor coach thing down!” G’s response? “We better turn this shit off, don’t want you getting any ideas…” Was he joking? Sure. But, still… grrr!

OK, all done bitching.

I am 32 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby. None of the shit above takes away from that. Nothing takes away from that.

Peace

Calm

Peace

Calm

(Still practicing the Hypnobirthing!!!)