Life Family and the Pursuit of Sanity

or… adventures in infertility and babies and family drama!

I Hate Mother’s Day May 12, 2013

You read that correctly. I really do. Why?

 

  1. It’s too much pressure. First, there’s the pressure to make it a good day for MY mom. Then of course, there’s the MIL to deal with. And my Grandma. Oh, and I have to make sure that *I* at least appear to be having a good day so that G and Lil G feel successful. With all of the pressure to make sure everyone else is having a good Mother’s Day, I’m not having such a relaxing day…
  2. It’s *really* important to my mom. But, she pretends like it isn’t. But, every year she’s all mopey because whatever we did wasn’t enough. So, #1 x 2.
  3. I have 8 dead children and 1 living child. Not such good stats for a mom. Really shitty stats, actually. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all kinds of grateful for Lil G. He’s awesome and I can’t imagine life without him. But, on this day celebrating motherhood, I am inevitably depressed thinking about all of my angels.
  4. It took lots and lots of years to get this one living kid. Most of those years I had dead babies. I really hate when people say things like “Happy second mother’s day” when I have been a mother for years and years.
  5. Much like every other holiday that involves gifts and cards, I am reminded just how little my husband really knows me. He will get me a card from the store that is either sappy/sweet (like the one he bought for his mom) or complimentary in a passive aggressive kind of way (like the one he bought for my mom, which we’re not giving her). The gift will either be an appliance (I’m hoping for a deep fryer if it is…) or a DVD (probably of a movie I only remotely give a shit about). I want jewelry (which we can’t afford) or flowers. Or gardening shit. Or fancy new crochet hooks.
  6. Facebook will be full of stories of other mommies sleeping until noon while their perfect husbands and perfect children cook and clean and give them a perfect day. *Blech* and *barf* I don’t want to hear it and also, I don’t fucking believe it.

So, yeah, I hate Mother’s Day. Let’s please cancel it.

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Toddlers and Discipline April 27, 2013

Filed under: We're parents? — arminta @ 12:59 am
Tags: ,

Interesting factoid about two year olds of which you may not be aware: They do whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want and you and your silly rules can go to hell.

 

We had a good day, can you tell?

 

Let me preface this by saying, Lil G and Ladybug are actually not “bad” by toddler standards. They don’t listen like they should and they get into a little mischief here and there, sure, but they don’t do a lot of breaking/wrecking/disobeying on purpose for the fun of it. They are two, which by default means that their little brains simply have not developed the cognitive ability to exercise impulse control in all situations. The fact they exercise impulse control as often as they do is really quite remarkable. Knowing this does not make it any easier on me when we have days where I have toys thrown at my head, I get hit, fishing poles get tangled into light fixtures (don’t ask) and there are lots of toddler vs toddler death matches.

 

When we have days like that, I am not a very good Mommy or Nanny and that needs to change. I have to admit that I had a temper tantrum today and put the kids in a long time out in their beds. I also popped both of the kids on their bum (separate incident, not two punishments for the same incident). I feel HORRIBLE. I spend all day saying “We don’t hit” and “Please don’t scream” only to turn around and scream and hit. I need a new discipline method up in here. I don’t like the one I’m using and it isn’t working anyway. Not that I would like it better if it were…

 

My experience with discipline is primarily of the dad will beat you and mom will scream and flip shit over on you variety. My parents were not “abusive” although, my dad did take corporal punishment a little far. Of course, their parents were far worse, so you live you learn, you improve from the generation before. This is NOT about criticizing the way I was raised, nor anyone else’s discipline methods. If your method is working for your family, then great. I obviously have 0 legs to stand on in the judgement department, and am super glad for you that you found something that works. Also, I don’t necessarily believe that punishment is 100% all bad, all the time. It just doesn’t feel right to me, for these kids at this time.

 

I love these kids. I want them to listen and obey because they WANT to listen and obey. (I get that they are two and their desire to do whatever the hell they please is going to trump their desire to make me happy. It’s not about making me happy.) Or rather, I don’t want it to JUST be a reaction to fear. Let’s face it, at this age they are going to fight, they are going to do whatever they want sometimes. Even when they know it’s not allowed/OK.  The thing I constantly have to remind myself is “they are new here.” Sometimes the lure of Daddy’s fishing poles is just going to be too strong. That doesn’t mean that I have to let them play with the fishing poles, but there are other ways to enforce the boundary than yelling and time outs.

 

Ultimately, the goal is children that exercise self control and exhibit moral/ethical behavior naturally as adults, right? So, I’m researching ways to get there without all of the stuff that I’m feeling negatively about. Again, I’m not talking about being permissive, just disciplining a new way. Because I don’t like ME right now and we sure as shit aren’t making any headway on the behavior front. I think we’re going to start with Mommy having time outs when ever she feels a temper tantrum coming on…

 

Sunday Night Chit Chat April 22, 2013

Filed under: Grown Up Slam Books — arminta @ 2:11 am
Tags: , ,

Ghost tree at sunset

It’s time for some Sunday night chit chat! Hop on over to Carla’s to play along.

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What are you…

Reading? *Just* started a new book! The One I Left Behind: A Novel by Jennifer McMahon came highly recommended by a girl who took my blood this week. She was reading it when I came into the lab and talked about it the whole time she was taking my blood. So, I have high hopes 🙂 Also, learned you can get free books on the Kindle from the library. Mind = Blown.

Watching? Duck Dynasty is on the TV right now, but I’m not really watching it. I finished the latest season of Parenthood, and am working on Park’s and Rec, now.

Listening to? The TV

Cooking/Baking? Got cheap chicken at the grocery this week, so I cooked and shredded it this morning and made stock. Made buns yesterday. But the big baking project this weekend was the Mudslide Whoopie Pies I made for my cousin’s Girls Night In party last night 🙂 FYI… no baked good can go wrong with three cups of Bailey’s in it!

Happy you accomplished this week? On Tuesday literally *all* of the laundry was done! Of course, all of the laundry soap was gone, too. I also got every surface (I can reach) in my kitchen cleaned off and organized, and got the kids’ art supplies organized.

Looking forward to next week? Tackling the living room!

Thankful for today? Getting closer to vacation, my boy, warm weather

*Bonus Question* Fill in the blank: I am by far the biggest ________ snob! Books. I am so rarely satisfied at the end of a book. For a person that loves bad movies I am a complete snob about books.

 

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Your turn!! 🙂

  • Reading?
  • Listening to?
  • Watching?
  • Cooking/Baking?
  • Happy you accomplished this week?
  • Looking forward to next week?
  • Thankful for today?
  • *Bonus Question* Fill in the blank: I am by far the biggest ________ snob!

 

Chit Chat of Undetermined Origins April 15, 2013

Filed under: Grown Up Slam Books — arminta @ 3:39 am
Tags: ,

Is it Sunday? Is it Monday? Well, technically, it is Monday, but the sun’s not up, yet and that’s how I tell Lil G we know it’s a new day. But, I’ve been to bed and gotten up. So, yeah, call it whatever day you like.

 

My kid is apparently a social butterfly. Whenever we go places he makes friends and plays games with them. This day he was playing a game with a five year old boy where they had to catch an Angry Bird. Then a couple of days later we went to a Burger King playland and he told two older kids (5 & 8) that he was a dragon and they were knights. Then a little girl came in and he said “Oh good, a princess!” What I wouldn’t give to have that level of imagination back. Or that fearlessness. He just walks up to any ol’ kid and says “Hey kid, mine G, let’s play!”

Very likely the last long hair pic 😦 Daddy scheduled the haircut for Wednesday…

 

On to the chatting!

What are you…

Reading? Almost done with Timeline. Then I’ve decided to re-read the Hunger Games books since there is a new movie coming out.

Watching? Season 3 of Parenthood. It’s like they bottled my worst fears. Throw in a drowned toddler and this season will kill me.

Listening to? Sweet, sweet nothing. Everyone is asleep.

Cooking/baking? Dinner tonight was tacos. Tomorrow is bread day, and I’m thinking about giving tortillas and crackers a go. Why not, right? I’m challenging myself to not go to the store except for milk this week…

Happy you accomplished this week? Laundry? Within one load! I call that caught up. Got my seedlings all potted up. Got one of my surfaces decluttered. Been a pretty successful week.

Looking forward to next week? More organizing. Planning our trip to RI to see Mom. Getting Baby Hooked back up to snuff after going into semi-vacation for a couple of months.

Thankful for today? Orders are already starting to come in. The boy and I can walk to the library without much fuss! We found a playground within walking distance of the house, too! Also, there is this really sweet and handsome boy, and he loves me so much and he calls me Mommy.

*Bonus Question* What is your *ideal* wake up time and what time do you usually wake up? Ideally? I’d like to be up early. But, I’m no early bird. My body will sleep until 10am if I let it. Sometimes on the weekends or if Ladybug isn’t coming, I do sleep that late (Lil G likes to sleep in, like his Mama). But usually I’m up at 7:45am during the week and 9am on the weekend.

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Ok!! Your turn! 🙂

  • Reading?
  • Watching?
  • Listening to?
  • Cooking/baking?
  • Happy you accomplished this week?
  • Looking forward to next week?
  • Thankful for today?
  • *Bonus Question* What is your *ideal* wake up time and what time do you *usually* wake up?

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Please head over to Carla’s and play along, k?

 

Four Easters! April 3, 2013

Filed under: Baby G,Family — arminta @ 2:54 am
Tags:

You remember that scene in Talledaga Nights when the kids are all excited that their parents are getting divorced because it means two Christmases? What? You don’t watch old ass Will Farrell movies every night after your kid goes to bed? Shame on you!

 

Anyway, Nana moving to Rhode Island and having a bed bound great-grandma and having a whole other side of the family to boot is a lot like that. Except instead of two you get four! Yay! That means I made eight Easter baskets this year. Eight (three for Lil G + one each for the nieces and nephews) Easter baskets. I hid eggs three times. I am Eastered out, friends. Actually, I was Eastered out a couple of weeks ago. I had forgotten that real Easter was this week until Saturday afternoon. Because? Duh, it was Walking Dead day!

 

But, it was real Easter this past week. As I’m not religious, there was no church service. And, my mum lives out of state. And, my sister was there visiting her. And, my brother had to work. And, so did my Dad. And, the rest of my family IS religious, so they did have church services. I had no excuse to not have to go deal with my MIL. I was supposed to go watch my Mamaw for the Wiccans, but they cancelled on me. So, alas, I had to go.

 

It was not as bad as expected, but also worse. Seeing Uncle P was awesome, I miss him so much. And Bro C and Fire Crotch were pleasant (they were not last time I saw them). MIL was as grating as always. We just bring out the worst in each other, I think. I tried my hardest to keep my mouth shut and just let her play with the boy. But… there was smoking going on (outside, but if you can smell it, you’re breathing in too much smoke) and he had to be kept away. (Seriously people ASTHMA, ASTHMA!!! It’s a real fucking thing and grr!!) Of course she “doesn’t believe in asthma.” Doesn’t believe in it. Like the goddamn tooth fairy. I said nothing. When my baby started coughing and she made comments like “oh is that a “sign”?” I said nothing. (Yes!!! Coughing is a sign of asthma!!! Especially when people are smoking upwind of the asthmatic baby!!! I checked his breathing, moved him away from the smoke and gave him water as needed. Thankfully, he didn’t need his puffer. Of course, she doesn’t believe in “those puffers” either. For real. Even though she made several comments along the “I couldn’t do this all day” route I didn’t quip with “well, I DO do this all day, hence the less than spotless house.” I didn’t quip at all. No, I stood there on my aching feet and watched from a distance. When he bonkered his head and wanted me, I picked him up and ignored the constant barking of “Let Grandma see!” coming over my shoulder. I didn’t answer “Never!!!” to her constant refrains of “Grandma has this at her house for you to play with.” I feel I did the best I could. I wasn’t rude or bitchy. But, I was quiet. It was fine.

 

Today I had the fleeting thought “You know, I could let her take him to McDonald’s or somewhere to play and get the afternoon to myself.” And that’s when I knew. The floodgates are opening. Letting Aunt C watch the babies for my treatments (which I genuinely do not mind at all) paved the way, then going to Easter like all was well just added to the cracks. It’s not that she’s a bad Grandma, or that he doesn’t like her (why does he have to like her?). It’s that I can’t trust her to not paint me in a bad light to him. I know I can’t. I can’t trust her to not take the word of an imaginative two year old (FYI, my living room is frequently on fire due to all of the dragon attacks…) to children’s services. I can’t trust her to not take NORMAL marks (the kid jumps off of the furniture on the daily, he has marks) to children’s services. I can’t trust her alone with my son. Not because she won’t take care of him. But because she doesn’t have my families (and thus his) best interests at heart.

 

Sunday Night Chit Chat – Again! March 3, 2013

Filed under: Blogging — arminta @ 8:57 pm
Tags: ,

Two weeks in a row! I’m so excited!!!

Daddy had a surprise day off last week. We used it to take the littles to the local(‘ish) aquarium. Lil G is obsessed with the ocean and ocean animals. He especially loves arctic animals. So, the penguin exhibit was highly anticipated. As you can see, he had a blast. It took us nearly four hours to make it through. (By contrast, when Big C was this age, he’d zip through in an hour.)

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Reading: Believe it or not… I haven’t read much of anything this week. Well, lots of mommy blogs and financial articles, but no books. I did download a Kindle freebie that I plan to start on tonight or tomorrow.

Watching: The boy took a late nap, so I’ll be watching The Walking Dead online tomorrow. All I watch anymore are kids movies and The Walking Dead.

Listening to: Happy Feet and my guys playing Mastermind on the Kindle.

Baking/Cooking: I’ve got lots on the schedule for next week. Dinner rolls (hopefully not burnt this time…), bean burgers (with homemade buns), and peanut sauce are all on the agenda. Peanut Sauce is kind of a specialty of mine.

Happy you accomplished this week: Shopping list and meal plans, cleaning all of the toys from under the living room furniture, cleaning the baseboards in the kitchen and getting the budget back together.

Looking forward to next week: My mom’s coming home on Saturday!!!!! I repeat my mom’s coming home!!!! Only for a couple of days, but I’ve missed her so much! Also, have a plan to get Lil G’s 529 opened (finally) and to get some of our debt moved over to a 0 interest card to pay it off faster.

Thankful for today: My mom will be home in less than a week!!!! I have a home. I have hope. Lately our financial situation has had me feeling very hopeless, but taking action this week has me feeling hopeful again.

BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever left the house in your pj’s? Heck yes, I have! I am kind of famous for hitting the drive through (the person who invented drive through milk is/was a genius!) in pj’s. Also, I don’t think twice about going outside with the kids or getting the mail in my sleeping clothes.

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Ok, it’s your turn! 🙂

  • Reading:
  • Watching:
  • Listening to:
  • Baking/Cooking:
  • Happy you accomplished this week:
  • Looking forward to next week:
  • Thankful for today:
  • BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever left the house in your pj’s?

After you write your post head over to here and put your link in the comments, or just play along in the comments (here or there).

 

Ideas: Check December 30, 2012

Filed under: Blogging — arminta @ 3:00 am
Tags: , , , ,

Everyday I have little snippets of ideas that cause me to think “that would be a good blog post.” Every night by the time I can actually sit down and write I cannot for the life of me remember any of them. I’m about to start resorting to writing them on my arms. But, then how will I justify telling the kids “we only write on paper” 943 times a day?

 

Here are some of the things I THINK I was going to write about today, though…

  • My husband is in dire need of something new to fret over. Give me some suggestions. When we were dating he was constantly worried that I was pregnant (hah!). Then he spent a few years obsessing of his own health (cancer scares were a weekly thing for us, then). Next was the infertility anxiety, which coupled itself with money stress. Luckily, he took a small hiatus from the crazy train after Baby G was born and those were good months. Now, however, he has moved on to Baby G’s health. It is driving me mad. He wants to wake the baby and take him to the ER every.single.night. because he does shit like roll over and breath differently at different times. When I’m not talking him out of a late night ER run, I’m having to explain that he doesn’t need albuterol for every cough and reassure him that the baby does not have lead poisoning or autism. (Please don’t think I’m making fun of the unfortunate families who are actually dealing with any of these very real issues, this is actually VERY serious.) It’s not a Munchausen by Proxy situation, he isn’t trying to fool or trick anyone. It’s more Hypochondria by Proxy, as he genuinely believes all of these things. So, anyway, I need something new for him to fret and fuss and hyper-analyze, because I’m fairly certain that all of this anxiety over his (generally good, save a little asthma) health isn’t good for Baby G. Or my marriage.
  • My Mamaw’s dementia is getting much, much worse. We had Christmas for her over there today and it weren’t pretty. On the other hand, all of her delusions would make for a very interesting novel. Also, just a quick little piece of advice for anyone who may be dealing with a loved one with dementia… if they speak of someone in the present tense, that person IS ALIVE (regardless of whether they’ve been dead 10 years or not). They got to forget that the love of their life died, even if only for a day. There’s not need to upset them and make them live that loss again. (Can you tell that someone made the mistake of telling her my Papaw was dead when she asked about him accused him of having a girlfriend?)
  • I’m pretty sure toy makers know that they’re making toys for parents, not kids. And also, the castle Baby G got for Christmas is Suh-Wheat! And also, I’ve spent a lot of time playing castle over the past week 🙂
  • Remind me sometime to tell you why I don’t take the kids out as much as I’d like to…
  • Crafts ‘n Shit: I made some really cool canvases for Christmas. Of course, I took 0 photos of the process, but I was totally going to tell you all about it.
  • Debating about closing the Etsy shop, or at least not selling finished goods anymore. Not that ya’ll care, but this kind of is my diary/journal.
  • Who gives a shit what people thought 100 years ago? (In response to all of these “the perfect woman in 1912/1913” essays floating about the interwebs.)

I don’t even remember the point/punchline to the castle one. It wasn’t just selling the castle. Although, should Fisher Price like to pay me, I’d be more than glad to endorse it, because it is freaking awesome.

 

See, I told you I have lots of ideas… Maybe one day I’ll form one of them into a topical post.